asiam

hey there - just wanted anyone reading this forum to know that my mum finally told me.. It was a mixture of good & bad news - so there u go! thanks & good luck to anyone in similar situations

Hi, I'm 23 & 2 weeks ago my mum finally told me who my father was.. Your post pretty much mirrors a post I made a couple of months ago.. i.e. not knowing where my features came from etc. Well my mum came for a visit & finally caved to my probing & told me who he was.. For example all I wanted for my 21st was to meet my "dad" & call him that.. turns out he was there - I just didn't know it then.. My discussion with my mum presented some ugly truths that needed to be said, and in the end resolved those truths and more.. The bombshell for me was what am I going to do now that I know?! In a way her telling me "joined some dots" (as I'd known him all my life - but not as my "father"), but at the same time raised even more questions that I was by no means ready to tackle. But now, 2 weeks later, I'm trying to convince myself that his role in my life was a minor contribution to who (& in most respects what) I am today. Fortunately for me, I have had consistent strong male role models in my life, so I feel I can't relate in that regard. But at the same time I have trust issues in general, but I think it was more so derived from my mothers keeping such a huge secret from me - more than anything else. While I can really sympathise with your situation, I suggest you question how the revelation may impact on your life.. others around you aswell - but more importantly your life! From someone whos recently experienced a plight similar to yours I believe it is your right to know where your hazel coloured eyes come from!! (my particular feature was my darker toned skin..lol) Good luck & i hope it all works out for you.. Thanks, & hope it wasn't too long..

Yeah.. theres a point where the questions start to get louder and louder.. I mean putting them at the back of your mind can only go on for so long.. Good luck.. I'm gonna ask mine.. again.. as soon as the time is right (which will be the next time I go home I think)

Hey Maggie, thanks for that.. I think I needed to get it out more than anything.. umm.. I've tried asking my mums brothers & sisters - but they say they don't know much more than I do - which sucks!! I don't know about whether or not I actually want to meet him.. I think its more like - the more secretive my mum is about him - then the more curious I get.. we can talk about anything & everything else that goes on in our lives.. & the fact that shes withholding something she knows I've been curious about most of my life, makes me a tad frustrated.. Shes knows how secure in our relationship I am.. so I don't think theres much to worry about there.. But again, thanks.. I think I knew what I needed to do.. but just wanted some reassurance my decision was right.. & *big hugs* for your sympathy.. I don't know if its justified though in that maybe I'm being selfish.. (only-child-syndrome I've been told..lol)

Hi, I'm 23 and wondering if anybody can advise me on how to approach my Mum about a dad i've never known/seen..? Growing up I had my grandfather and enough uncles to sink a ship for male role models.. but its the biology thing that really bugs me. I look absolutely nothing like my mum.. who then attributes my looks among other traits to him.. & other than telling me he has a family and may live in my hometown.. shes extremely sensitive and tightlipped about it all.. My last attempt was asking her to invite him to my 21st birthday which of course was avoided somehow.. Whats triggered this in me is that recently I've been questioning my identity in more ways than one - this just seems the most pressing of questions at the moment.. Thanks for reading & I appreciate any suggestions..