I'm confused, she's confused, we're all confused!!

[ThatOneDude]

Hi everyone. It's been a very long time since I've posted on here but i'm feeling kinda down about my relationship and would like some insight if anyone cares to give some.

 

Well my girlfriend and I have been together for a little over two years now. We've known each other going on five years, were very good friends for three before we even started a relationship. Well things seem to be a little on the off side as of late for me and I can't explain why. I'll just start from the beginning.

 

Just a few minutes ago I was looking at an old yahoo account of hers and came accross a personal ad she created about two years ago stating that she was looking for a woman to experiment with. Now that kind of hit me hard because for so long she's told me she wasn't interested in women sexually although this ad says different. now she's since stopped using the account so I'm sure she's forgotten all about it and I can't check when it was created so I don't know if she made it before or after we started dating. But I guess the reason it bothers me so much is because she's telling me one thing and doing the total opposite.

 

Well it's not all her, I too have had the urge to experiment with those of the same sex and a few times have acted on those urges but have since given that side of myself up as I've found that it wasn't for me. I do still feel myself attracted to men but the desire to sleep with them or carry on any other kind of activity is next to none. One day though, I was cleaning out my computer and came accross a chat session she had with one of her online friends and aparently she stumbled accross an old email account that I stopped using that had some welcome messages from a few bisexual groups I had joined a while back. She was talking to her friend about how she found them and they upset her severely. I guess mainly due to the fact that I like to make a lot of jokes about gay and bisexual people and she felt that I was hiding a part of myself from her. She's never brought it up to me although it said she wanted to.

 

One other thing is the person she was speaking to about those emails happens to be bisexual as well and they have talked a few times about maybe experimenting together. she went up to see her a few months back and they apparently passed up the opprotunity to try anything. I'm assuming she doesn't think I know because they still speak about it from time to time and from what I've seen she hasn't as of yet done anything with any other girl as of yet. now I have asked her on a few occasions if she was bi or even slightly curious and she assures me she's not, but if such is the case then why do I keep reading otherwise? Her friend will be coming to visit her in about four months or so and I think that they will actually go for it this time.

 

I guess what my real question would be is should I bring it up to her again? This time not asking her if she is but telling her what I've found. I'd like to think I'm an honest man so if I did tell her what I found I'd definitely tell her about myself. But that's where my fear lies, I'm so afraid of losing her. Telling her my times of experimentation and her leaving me not accepting a part of me I've learned to accept and let go of in favor of our relationship. I don't want to throw away the best friend I've had for the last five years, but at the same time I don't want to hold her back. I see that her feelings now have been going on for some years now even though I've just recently found out so there's no telling how far they go back. In a perfect world a situation like this would bring us closer together but I don't think it'll happen that way. I want to spend the rest of my life with her because she's wonderful to me, she cooks for me, tells me she loves me on a regular basis, she's even doing my laundry as I type this. She's just got a side that she's hiding from me and I don't want her to make the mistake I made by exploring it behind her back. I honestly don't know if it is all just a big lie (althoguh a 2-3 year lie is one hell of a thing to try and keep) or if she actually does feel this way. And if so then why would it upset her so much to find out I was bi? Anyone else ever been in this position? I could really use some advice.

 

Thanks to everyone who read my little novel.

[ThatOneDude]

Well I guess I am alone.

 

Thanks anyway folks...

[Baby]

Ouch! I don't think you just came and stumbled accross them I think you wanted answers and wanted to try and figure out stuff your girlfriend didn't tell you. I think you should talk to her about it, it's not a bad thing it's the way you feel do what you feel is right and talk to her that's my advice to you. Sorry I didn't answer this sooner I just joined

[NotGay,Really]

I certainly cannot tell you whether you or your girlfriend are gay ir bi or whatever. But one thing I did note seems to run as a thread through all you have to say. You both seem inclined to keep secrets from each other. The "confusion" you are experiencing is certainly not being cleared up by all the deceit.

 

As much as you may be reluctant to change what you like in this relationship, you need to come clean. If this is meant to be, the two of you should be able to talk about this.

 

Yes, it's scary to confront these kinds of issues. And you may have an unleasant falling out. But in the long run, won't it be better to know?

 

I hope you will be happy.

[shorty4ever15]

OK...i have two thoughts to your situation. The big advice that i want to give you tho is that you should not pressure her into telling you. As a person in the closet myself, it is very hard to just come out. as you can see in my post a couple of days ago....its just not easy to do. so...what i say you do is not necesarrily ask her straight out...but make her feel absolutely comfortable with you and make sure that she knows that no matter what she tells you...you'll be there for her.

 

and the other thought--which prolly isnt the case--just a thought--maybe you have devoloped the same type of relationship that i did with my best friend. I'm sure you love her, but are you necesarrily sure that you are IN love with her. i mean is it a intimate love or more the family and friend type of love. and if that is the case, maybe the feeling goes mutually with her.

 

Well, i hope that helps. if you need to talk you can PM if you want to.

[mr1977]

thatonedude. I can understand where you're coming from.I have been in a relationship with a man for nearly 3 years and we have a baby.I was honest from the beginning and told him that I was also attracted to women.It will make things easier in the long run if you are both honest with each other and it may actually make you closer.My partner had the chance to run but he decided to stick with it and we now have gorgeous 6month old daughter.If your girl can't accept you for being you and vice versa then you shouldn't stay together cos it'll only cause a lot of hurt.My partner and i have been thru hell because of my attraction to women.But we have persevered to make things work.I'm not going to lie it will be HARD but if you really love each other then it's worth fighting for. hope this helps.mr 1977's girlfriend