What to do???

[jimmyc]

My ex and I were together for almost 4 years, we had an intense fulfilling relationship and were inseparable.

We broke up a little over 3 weeks ago and i have tried NC but instead we were getting quite friendly and making eachother laugh,

And because of that I had to initiate NC, it was getting to hard to not get feelings involved, i asked her if there was any chance of getting back and she said she doesn't know

what the future has for us but doesn't know what she wants at the moment.

 

Right now she just wants to be friends but I only see that leading to heartbreak and a road leading nowhere.

My question is should I just keep NC until she wants to reconcile or take it to the next level?

Or keep being flirty and fun?

 

I really want her back and know we were great together and she knows too

any help is appreciated im very confused..

[ks1986]

I was in the same situation. My ex only really wanted to friendship until they found someone else, then keeping in contact was no longer a priority leaving me high and dry. Exes want friendships because they have a need to ween themselves off of each other, it doesn't last forever without taking some time in between to heal and move on. It will inevitably lead to more hurt feelings, confusion, etc. Subjecting yourself to someone that is conflicted and doesn't know what they want is a recipe for heartache because it means mixed signals will be thrown out left and right. You will have more new things to over-analyze than you can keep up with. Going NC is hard, but not doing it greatly prolongs your healing process. You will feel like total crap but will feel back to your old self in a month or two rather than trying to keep in contact and still being hung up a year from now. If you stick around, it tells her you are always going to be there as a back up plan and there is no rush to make a decision. She can do whatever she wants knowing you will willingly take her back at the drop of a hat. Nobody wants to be with someone when that is how they come accross.

[Streetbob]

Yep....Me too.

We were best friends, lovers - inseparable.

Together for 4-5 years

Fell out of love

 

Seems to be the path - no?

 

I went NC for 2 months - walked off the map. I recently opened the door a bit. Go NC things will look differently in time

 

Good luck

[jimmyc]

Thanks guys your so right, In a sense you want to be there incase they've changed their minds but as you said they just do whatever they want knowing your just hanging around waiting for them to come back if all else fails,

Yes I will go firm NC!!!

[Streetbob]

Good call mate!

 

I sent a message stating my feelings, what I wanted, how I felt - everything and by the way - I won't be in contact anymore.

It was very confusing for her and she felt helpless not knowing what was going on with me. The trick is deciding when enough is enough.

With hindsight - I probably should have left it longer than 2 months. I was prompted by mutual friend and felt guilty.

 

Good luck!

[Lastchallenge]

Nc hurts but in the long run its in ur favor! I agree with them wanting to be friends until they find someone else

[emgj1984]

Tell her it's all or nothing, tell her you'll expect one email/sms back and if it's nothing then that's it.

[OneSadPuppy]

Tell her it's all or nothing, tell her you'll expect one email/sms back and if it's nothing then that's it.

 

Worst thing you could do. It will get you closure for sure, but if there is a sliver of hope that she'll wake up and see she had it good, then strict NC is all that can be done.

When you go NC, you have to be sure that you're focused on rebuilding your life on the assumption that she's not coming back, and if she did, you may not want her.

Do not allow her to use you like this to ease the burden of a breakup she initiated, shut that door.

Facebook, msn, delete contact info, box up pictures *.*. Erase her, then start rebuilding.

 

OSP

[Streetbob]

Tell her it's all or nothing, tell her you'll expect one email/sms back and if it's nothing then that's it.

 

 

If you want any sort of chance I wouldn't do this. Always remember that we very rarely ever get what we want "instantly".

I think that people in NC should be gearing up for the long haul. That is why attitude is so important. Whatever you are feeling inside....smile and be accommodating. This will be remembered in the long run. never give up!