How worried should i be...

[phil1981UK]

I'll try and keep this short, but i wont ;-)

 

My girlfriend is working on a cruise ship in the caribbean, i am in england. She is very friendly to everybody, guys and girls and this is fine by me, i am not a jealous kind of guy, but I am not stupid either!!! We have been together for a year, and she left in June to work on the ship.

 

I went to see her on the ship about 6 weeks ago, and we had a great time and i met some of the people she works with. She told me how most people on the ship have boyfriends and girlfriends on the ship to, even if they have girlfriends or wives etc at home, i was pretty shocked at this and it did make me wonder how many guys on the ship would try and make her there on board girlfriend, but i trust her and so was not too concerned.

 

Anyhow one of the guys I met who she is friends with seems to have been spending a lot of time with her recently, she tells me how they go and do things together when they have free time, and then she told me that he wanted to do an overnight stay at a hotel instead of going back to the ship last monday night and go and see a late night film with her, they couldnt do this because they had to go back on the ship becasue it was leaving port, but the fact is he was willing to miss the boat (and maybe lose his job) so he could do and "overnight stay" with my girlfriend!!!

 

My girlfriend is very friendly and she takes people at face value and this means she is often blind to there true motives... this overnight stay thing didnt really register with her as being anything other than a friendly offer, being a man i know exactly what this guy is up to, and he is playing on her nievety to try and get it.

 

She has spoken many times about many guys and I have never had reason to worry, I trust her and dont think she would do anything, but she is easily influenced and could get into a position, and with the right words I know some guy could work her, she is a sucker for heartbreaking stories and all that, if he goes down this angle, she might do something out of sympathy.

 

Thing is I dont want to bring it up so obviously because she will just say i am being stupid and he is just a friend, which as far as she is concerned is exaclty what he is, but to him it is obviously something very different, or at least he wants it to be and she cant see it.

 

So question is, how do I try and make her realise what this guy is up to without sounding like a jeolous idiot, i am not jealous, i just want her to see he is trying to play her and she should spend less time with him.

 

Any advice is much appreciated.

 

Thank you.

[Cecelius]

Are her actions with him not appropriate in your opinion? I think they are just on the edge of it.

 

Put it this way, many if not most men would, if the timing was right, take physical liberties with a female friend. Most women are aware of this. Most will also assure you that the particular friend they have is the exception to the rule (usually, you yourself are definitely in the rule).

 

If she is (1) hanging around where there are hotel rooms, (2) spending huge amounts of time with this guy (3) doing exotic trips with him and (4) there is booze around, no matter how good your g/f is, these are recipies for disaster. What will she say to you when one night, he has gotten the wrong idea about her based on the amount of time she spends with him and tries to kiss her? WHat if she feels she led him on and goes farther than she would, mostly because she was confused or guilty, or to ward off the situation getting worse (how many times have you heard of a girl performing one sex act to avoid another)?

 

Only you can say whether your girl is that type and I say be reasonably trustful, but simply say to her that the amount of time she is spending with him and the activities look too much like dating and is not appropriate. No ultimatims, but no weeping hurtfulness either.

 

Most good people will act toward the relationship if not confronted or whined at, and they will not go ahead and do reckless things. If she tells you you have nothing to worry about and keeps doing it, dump her -- she'll pretty much have told you what the deal was.

[davo1066]

I don't know your girlfriend so I can't say what will happen, only tell you that you are right to be at least concerned, based on my expereince. My gf was the greatest gf, totally in love with me and totally faithful even when she was travelling for 6 weeksw on her own. But then she got a job on a cruise ship. She was only supposed to be on it for 7 weeks, but I think all cruise ships are the same, lots of booze, lots of horny twenty somethings, and from what i hear lots of one night stands.

 

I never thought my gf would cheat on me, but she did. She was drunk one night and missing me and some guy she claims she didnt even like kissed her and she didnt push him away.

 

She told me about it and we broke up, becuase she said she couldnt promise that it wouldnt happen again. BUt when she came back off the ship we talked and she said how much she loved me and she had been lonely on the ship, everyone had on-ship bf and gfs except her and it was too hard. I forgave her, we got back together, everyhting was better even than before, till she got a job on another !@£$%^ cruise ship. She was saying she loved me and crying her eyes out right up until she got on the ship but that while she was on the ship she wanted us to be single, though she could see us getting married some day. She said she didnt want to hurt me again, which means she could see the same thing happening again.

 

I told her fine, but if she gets with anyone on the ship I won't take her back when she's back (and might not anyway). I said I wouldn;t be just her 'onshore boyfriend'.

 

LIsten mate, like my gf, if yours loved you she wouldn't have gone, and she would be doing everything she could to come back. People just seem to hook up with each other on the ships for the sake of it, human nature I guess. I even heard of a guy quitting his job to go and work on a ship with his gf, getting there and finding out she was already with an 'on-ship boyfriend' and totally ignored him!!!!!!!