Oh Im struggling today. Help.

[freeheart]

One of my first messages on this so bear with me if my advice isn't the best!

I know exactly how u are feeling and it is such a hard place to be! The thought of someone that you loved, still love so much can feel like u are being torn apart, Everything else in the world seems to stop and all you can concentrate on is him and what he might be doing. But stop. Really stop and listen to yourself. You do not need a person like this in your life. All he is doing is dragging you back to him and then letting you go again. If he wanted to be with you he would be and nothing or no1 would stand in his way of that. What you need to do if you have any hope of moving on from this man is to stop any sort of contact! Might seem really drastic but trust me it works! You need to start moving on with your life now and stop dwelling on the past and whether or not he will come back to you. If he let you go once he will let you go again. Get out there and live your life. Be ok with being by yourself and embracing life without him and i promise you if you do this life will never feel so beautiful and exciting! Remember this pain is just temporary and it is only you that can change the pain into happiness.

Hope this helps you in some way, take care x

[Emma8]

Freeheart welcome to the site and thank you for your words....it very much confirms what is in my head and what I need to do. Im getting there...slowly, in my own time, making silly mistakes as I go, but also learning from them. I think we all go through these situations differently, although basing it around NC and we make all kinds of mistakes, its a huge learning process and we all learn the hard way unfortunately, our own way. Its natural for some people to do it like this rather than follow strict rules which may do more harm than good. Some take longer than others, some are stronger than others, but from what I gather the end result is always the same...

[freeheart]

Your right and I have made a lot of mistakes along the way too but I don't regret any of them, because although it hurt at the time the lessons I learned from them have made all that hurt so worth it! I decided to do NC, fell off the wagon soo many times and in the end finally got it that in order to actually properly get over the break up I really had to stick to it and it worked! You sound like your on the right path and your head is clear so keep it up, stay strong and remember plenty more fish in the sea!

[Emma8]

Just a little update.

 

Im doing ok I really am. I dont know whether its just a good few days, or whether things are becoming less of a struggle.

 

The last couple of days I have kept really busy, bike rides, walks, housework, watching a TV series, etc - my ex has tried to contact me a number of times because I have suddenly cut contact, for example, random bank transfers with ref: I love you (4p - his lucky number...weird eh) txt messages saying he thinks of me every day, asking if I am ignoring him, and about our last holiday saying how amazing and brave I was when I swam in the sea with him....random....BUT I have ignored it all. Everytime a message comes in I delete it and try and distract myself.

 

I have no idea what he is playing at now. He has a girlf (apparently) and yet still contacts me. He is so messed up and is dealing with everything in the wrong way. But he cant keep stringing me along because he is confused or whatever.

 

Don't get me wrong, I miss him (or a version of him) terribly and my love for him will be there for a long time. But I feel I am starting to realise I deserve someone who treats me nice. With respect, with interest, who I can trust and depend on. Someone who thinks of my feelings for a change! I didnt deserve all the abuse and crap he put on me. I didnt deserve being emotionally broken down like that. It wasnt right. I dont want to live like that and after 5 months of hell, I dont want to go through any more BS with him. Enoughs enough.

 

Its still going to take some time. But the end of tunnel....is looking little bit brighter....

[miss_sunshine86]

Bank transfers with ref I love you? I've never heard of that before, but at the very least have a shopping spree ;-)

 

I think you should change your phone number, you can't move on if he keeps contacting you xx

[One day]

Hi Emma

 

That's great news, just remember the next time that your feeling down to remember today and how you felt and take power from that. I too hope to get to your stage soon.