Have I lost her forever?

[leyton]

My ex fiancee who is Brazilian,, moved over from Milan to be with me just over two years ago..we were so much in love and both said it was true love. After 8/9 months she said she wanted to move to London but I did not want to, having told her I would when she was in Milan.Eventually in Jan last year we rented a place in london during tha week and decided to go to my house 20 miles from London at weekends.Last oct her aunt came to stay for about 2 months and as the flat was small, I decided to stay in my house only seeing each other about twice a week. We still kept in touch all the time by phone bestowing each others undyling love for each other in between the arguments...She is very volatile being Latin and also very intelligent but very,very complicated, she hit me twice.For the 7 months prior to New Year we were arguing about everything.At christmas she said if anything happened to me she would die.We had a party on New Years eve and after everyone had gone we had the mother of all arguments..She took her ring off and said it was finished.I found out through phone bills etc, that she had started to see someone else who she said was a friend.Almost every day she called me and asked several times if I was seeing someone else.In March I asked her if she wanted to be with me and she said she could not live without me..I stayed 5 nights with her but she was very cold saying that she needed to rebuild her feelings after NY eve. I knew she was still seeing her 'friend' but she still kept calling saying that she loved me.I became so frustrated,So I didnt answer her phone calls for two weeks...I eventually called and she firstly said she loved me but what I had done had created a consequence she said that said that she now felt cold and had changed.she kept calling even when I knew she was with her Friend. asking me if I was seeing anyone.Two weeks ago having got so jealous and frustrated I told her what I thought of her..seeing two people at the same time etc..I upset her and she said not to call again...I then called her and apologised but she said it was finished.She has been in Brasil for 2 weeks I sent a long text explaining why I was so frustrated at her non commital and coldness.she said she didnt know if she loved me anymore after everything that had happened{she told me this also in Jan}..I kept sending texts and she said two days ago it was finished dont send anymore texts,I want peace,which she has said several times over the 4 months.I said dont you love me anymore? she said it's not about this,but her feelings were different and she has changed.She has never told me that she doesnt love me..Has she chosen the other guy because I have chased her...will she ever call again as she always has or is this really the end...I have been distraught for three months

[SwingFox]

Hi Leyton,

 

First of all welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for coming to us with your question. I am sorry to hear what happened to you and all the hurt and confusion you have been going through. I understand that you are in a lot of pain right now and that her not being around for you anymore hurts you very deep.

 

Based on what you have written, I would like to share my thoughts with you and have some advice for you. I have to tell you this, though: what I am about to say is based on pure speculation. I might be right or wrong.

 

There is a saying that says: "Never burn bridges behind you before you crossed the river." To me it looks like that this young woman was not sure about her feelings. Being together for two years is a long time and then things get very usual. You get some sort of being attached to each other, apart from that you start to know each other very well. In the meantime she might have met someone else, too, to whom she was very attracted to and that she started to talk to. Still feeling confused, she expressed her love towards you, but slowly getting feeling for this other guy, as well. Eventually she was obviously drawn to this new guy, not being completely honest over it towards you.

 

Let me stress again, leyton. These are all speculations. But it's really the best idea that I can come up with. Now what? I don't know if you still will have a chance ever with her. Obviously she did move on and she might only come back to you when she's done with this other guy. The question then is, though: "Will you ever trust her completely again?" Personally I wouldn't be able to. That's why my suggestion is to try to put this all behind you and to move on.

 

I hope this gave you some insight and I wish you good luck and strength the coming period.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[brandos lovechild]

leyton, to me it seems that your ex lady was addicted to drama !! all that crap with hitting you,throwing the ring at you...then telling you she'd die for you the next minute. i realise you r in pain at this time,but remember this girl was playing you like a banjo...especially when she was seein another guy...she got no class bro. you apologised for tellin her how low her games were, why ??? to answer your question, you were wrong to chase her bcos in doin so you made her feel wanted and the message you sent to her was..."YOU DIS ME AND I'LL......phone you and send you alot of texts to see if you still love me". do u see how wrong that is bro. my advice... never contact her again bcos there is nothing to be gained from it, and take your situation as a lesson... never compromise your pride for a woman if you are innocent. good luck leyton 8)

[leyton]

Thank you for your time to reply...It helps to hear someone elses view