About love and romance in a painfully shy man's perpective.

[Gamera25]

I'm pretty new to these forums and everyone here seems pretty down to earth, so here goes! I've never told my story to anyone but my best friend and I think this may help get it all off my chest.

Well I honestly don't know where to begin. I guess that ever since I developed interest in girls as a teenagers, I never really had much luck. In my freshman year of high school I was quite chubby, wore thick-framed glasses and my clothing never matched. But during this awkward phase I fell deeply in love with a classmate of mine named Amy. God she was beautiful. I would gaze at her throughout classes only to quickly look away when she looked in my direction. I knew she was way out of my league. But then something that I never thought would happen did: We became friends. We talked quite a bit on the phone about pretty much everything in life. This went on up to our senior year in high schooll but things changed. She found out through a classmate that I had feelings for her. I was horrified and shamed that she had found out and I began distancing myself so that maybe she wouldn't believe it. I was so embarrassed. I still thought I'd never have a chance with a goddess like her. Things were just never the same after that. No longer would I stay up till 2 AM talking to her on the phone. What was once a good friendship had reduced to merely an acquaintace. It was on our graduation day that to my surprise she gave me a long hug and said goodbye. Then she walked out of my life forever. I was miserable for many months afterwards. I often wonder what might have been had I told her straight out. I guess that the first person you really fall for is the one that ends up bringing you the most pain. But It was of my doing because of my shyness and insecurity.

Since high school I've been in a few relationships but none have been long term or fufilling (or however you spell it lol). Things really didn't change much other than the fact that I got contacts, lost weight and am in decent shape. I guess that its all the chances I never took in the past that have kept me as a single lonely man. It got so bad at some times that I would be depressed for weeks and sometimes months at a time. At one point I was seriously considering the idea of ending my own life.

I am now 25 years old and haven't been in a relationship for over two years now. Up until now I would often tell myself that I don't need anyone and that I'm happy by myself. But I am human and humans need love. I don't mean just the love you get from family and friends but the love you get from your soulmate. I often daydream about my wedding day. About holding hands and just gazing into the lovely eyes of that special lady who was brought to this world just for me. Perhaps one day I will meet her. I truly know in my heart that I will know it when she has come into my life. I still have hope. But one thing I did realize is that you don't really NEED a relationship just to be happy. What you need is food, water and shelter. That comes first. Love is something that you have to wait for. Only God knows when it will be your turn. Some folks have met their soulmates as toddlers. Other have waited up to their 60's. I think there truly is a plan for everyone. Thanks for reading.

[Pengui6668]

You're not the only one out there looking man.. I'm looking, my friends are looking, we're all looking.. i figured out tho.. stop looking and people just sorta waltz into your life... And that's when things are best.. you don't seem too upset about it and that's good. keep your head up and keep on smiling..

[rvr350]

Welcome to the http://www.enotalone.com, and I'm glad that you feel comfortable to share your feelings with others. I think you speak for many of us when you went through your adolenscence. First love is very hard to forget, and for some people, will never do. (I still sadden deeply when I hear the song I share with my 1st love) We all continually evolve into a different person, learning from our mistakes and gaining valuable experiences.

 

About dating, I think you have to be happy by yourself, before you can think about adding someone into your life. It's very natural to think that we "need" someone to make us happy, but it's incorrect. Happiness, or love radiates from within, and it starts from ourselves. I think once you're happy, your confidence will show, and that's the formula for attraction. And before you know it, your special someone will be looking out for you!

[cs20thcenturyfox]

Dear Gamera25,

 

Your right, your soulmate will come someday and only God knows when. I know how it feels to need to be loved, but I think my case was worse. I had a bf and I thought he was my soulmate, but he wasn't. Here I was livivng with him and yet I was so damned lonely! I gotta tell ya, it sucks being lonely like that. So I thought I'd rather be COMPLETELY alone than lonely with someone there.

 

Now I'm out of that hell hole of a relationship and looking forward to a new one. Me and this guy connect in a way I thought only possible in a hopless romantic's mind like mine. I truly feel that this is my real soulmate. It took me this long and went through so much pain to get to him and I found him! Point? I too was feeling hopeless, I thought I could never love another like I loved my ex......and then "he" shows up and then my dark and gray skies are now so bright and sunny!

 

So don't give up, know that somewhere out there, there's a special girl just for you. You can be happy on your own for now, what's the rush? She will come. It's rough now, but like they say "Good things come to people who wait". I hope I helped ya in a way.....good luck.