Hurting:o(

[if only]

just realised we have been split for 5 months today

 

I thought I was dealing with it and handeling it well but then I realised that he now must have been with his new GF for nearly 5 months (we were together for 5yrs and it took him a week to meet someone new) which means he must be falling in love with her.

 

I can deal with them being together as I thought he was using her to get over me but the thought he must be falling in love with her so soon after our break hurts like hell.

 

I cant deal with that just yet

 

im hurting soooo much right now and almost feel just as bad as when we first split. I really thought I was over him too

 

i'm scared im going to be one of those people who it takes years to get over there loss and I dont want to be like that life is soooo unfair!!!

[guy40az]

No it wont take that long but it does take time a good rule is ½ of the time you were together but it does get easer each day. just hang in there

[if only]

Thats what im worried about that would mean another 2 years of this I know each day will get easier and it has but I cant deal with him loving another person.

 

I also know I could split them up very easily if I wanted to as some stuff went on with us when they had been together for a couple of months. I know she is a very jealous person. (it was a one of occasion)

 

It is very tempting to ruin it for him but that would make me feel like I was just as bad as him.

 

He wont even reply to anything I send to him anymore he just ignores it. I have only tried contacting him 2 times in the past 4 months nice quick e-mails like how are you? but he just ignores it.

 

I feel like I have cheated on him and he dumped me because of it and is ignoring me now. But nothing like this happened, he split with me we weren't arguing didn't have fights and I could even go as far to say it was quite a friendly break up I started NC straight away after we had exchanged our stuff, I didn't do any begging or crazy stuff I just thought if it is meant to be it will and I guess it wasn't.

 

How when someone says they are so in love with you (and even after the break he told me he loved me loads he just wanted to be single) can they just ignore you?

 

I know we will bump into each other shortly we have mutual friends so I really cant understand why he would want to just ignore me.

 

I keep thinking about sending him an e-mail asking to meet up as I want to clear the air or even just my thoughts on the subject but I just don't think this will help with my recovery.

[sonjam]

Hearing this story might help....

 

I had a first love, we were together for 7 years (since I was 17) and we were married for 3 years. I eventually moved out, very heart broken because he started cheating, he cheated 3 x times, before I could scrape the courage together to move out. He was devastated. I went to the coast with my friend for a quick holiday, did not tell him where I went, but he found me, and begged me to come back He cried and travelled 1000 kilometers to come and plead for forgiveness. I told him to go home, we could talk when I got home.

He left and I stayed another week. Well it took the poor heartbroken sod 2 weeks to find the new love of his life and have her and her child move into our house.

 

When I got back I seriously considdered taking him back, we also had one or two nights of passion, while she already moved in with him. I called her and told her we might want to save the marraige, she agreed to just be friends ( I did not know about the living arrangements yet). THEN I FOUND OUT. I seriously considdered telling her about the nights he spent with me, jsut to break up his new relationship, in part because of spite, I wanted him back, but also - he was already cheating on her, with me!

 

We talked on the telephone often, and he told me once that she is so jealous, she burnt all our love letters, pictures, wedding album, videos etc. I fortunately kept all the negatives and copies. He asked to please keep it, as he would like coppies of it again. I thought we were getting along well when I got a call from a mutual girlfriend of ours....

 

She told me he spoke to her the other day and said he wished I would stop harrasing him on the telephone. He was being nice to me, becouse he did not want to be rude, but really did not want anything to do with me anymore.!!!

 

OH the imbarrasment! Only then did I see how stupid I was to try to cling to something that was obviously OVER> sometimes you are so involved in the situation, you can't see what other people see, and you need a stranger to open your eyes.

 

My advice to you is: open your eyes, he's ignoring you, you are just making a pest of yourself. (harsh, but true). If he wants to talk to you, he knows where to contact you. Breaking up his latest and greatest, will not benefit you at all, and will definitely not bring the two of you closer.

 

Males are strange things, it is easier to spend a night of passion with you (females are emotional, and males are physical) than to have to find somoene to "scratch the itch" if you know what I mean. So don't read anything into it.

 

I actually had a breakup with another boyfriend years later, and we were both single for some months before moving on to new relationships, and we sort of had a standing "date" every other week, to sleep over. We did not discuss our lives, we only met up to have some steamy ...you know, we were just human. Later when I met my next boyfriend, he was a bit dismayed that the meetings ended, but that was it! It's easy to keep emotions out of it for males, so don't be fooled.

 

Move on to greener pastures my dear, it will benefit you in the long run. He already cheated on her, why would you want him back, to do the same to you?

 

Good luck in healing your broken heart and I hope my story helped giving you some clarity on a similar situation.

[murrman]

I do agree that u should just completely forget about him for cheating, there is no excuse for that in a marriage. Marriage is about trust, and he broke the golden rule of it. However I disagree that males are not emotional. I was actually very hurt in a relationship when my g/f cheated on me and now i fear my current g/f may be cheating on me and I am all torn up inside.

[sonjam]

Sorry, you misunderstood me I did not say males are unemotional, what I meant was, females are more inclined to be emotional, it is easier for men to be unemotional. If not, then there would be far less work for sexworkers! "it meant nothing, honey just sex."!!!

 

I feel pain for you with your girlfriends cheating, but don't think they all do just because the first one did. You have to give your current G/f the benefit of the doubt!

 

....I did not lose my faith in mankind after all!

[carlito1]

Sonjam

 

Males are strange things, it is easier to spend a night of passion with you (females are emotional, and males are physical) than to have to find somoene to "scratch the itch" if you know what I mean. So don't read anything into it.

 

In response to you saying this I have to hugely disagree. Some people are just spoiled, selfish, immature and insecure. Regardless be they men or women. In my experience I found it exactly the other way round, females being physical and males emotianal.

 

I knew my ex two years, when she was going out with someone for that amount of time. I worked with her everyday. She made the moves on me and I responded, before she split with her ex. We carried on for two years, she went to Oz and although I got constant remindings of love from her she cheated twice but then as she says I wasn't there so what was she to do? It was my fault and like a fool I blamed myself. She came back, we got together again until finally I asked for break to sort my head out.

 

She refused said she had to move on and despite going away for a weekend 2 months later, she was in the sack with another fella a month later. Apparantley she is still with him, I'm now getting to the six month stage and honestly am just starting to see her for what she is, a narcissist. An insecure little girl. Basically IF ONLY, don't blame yerself, I have for 6 months, my ex showed up at places she knew I'd be at, concerts, pubs etc.

 

I did the stupid thing, I begged, I lost my temper with her and slagged her off in front of her mates and her new man who I said she would do exactly the same too. I went as low to the floor as anyone could but now I'm starting to think what am I really missing? Ask yourself that. So sonjam as well, it ain't just the males, females are more than capable of this BIG TIME.

[sonjam]

Wow, sorry to hear about your hurt man Carlito1! I really did not mean to offend you, I merely stated a known statistic. (which i mostly find is true). But I have to agree, that not everyone is the same, of course there are filthy, rotten ex's (males AND females) who break our hearts and cheat!

 

Life would be so much more uncomplicated if everyone was faithfull to their love!!

 

PARADISE!

[if only]

I would just like to say thank you to sonjam I needed somone to tell me exactly what you did and you are right i am pestering him and if I do anything I will be interferring. I dont want him to think 'im glad I dumped her'

 

I was at a low this morning when I posted and after reading you message I realised I needed to pull myself together again and I feel a lot happier this afternoon and I am not going to do anything about him.

 

Your story is very sad but im sure one day we will both meet our true sole mate.

 

xx