I am So Stupid

[pietro5266]

I'm sitting here, alone, on a Saturday night. Why? Because my supposed girlfriend of over a year got what is an apparently better offer to go out with another guy tonight.

 

This is a complicated situation. We're both in our mid 40's, and both of us have some rowdy, special-needs kids. Over time, there have been some issues between us because we can only see each other fairly infrequently, because of our kids, etc. However, I was under the impression that we were in a "committed relationship", and "committed" to trying to work through things, right now. Perhaps my definition of "committed" is far too rigid -- I thought that it meant that we'd stay focused on each other alone, or that we'd at least talk through things before one or the other of us decided to move on.

 

I didn't get that courtesy. We only get to see each other every other weekend, and this was one of those weekends. Because of our limited time, I always dedicate what little free time I have to spend with her on these weekends, and expected we'd be doing the same today. However, at mid-afternoon, when I ask what she'd like to do this evening, she hesitates for a bit, then tells me that she was actually thinking about going-out with someone else -- and then she said she wanted to know what I thought about that. Let me be clear -- issues or not, we have never discussed breaking-up or even seeing other people. She simply decided, on her own, that that's what she was going to do.

 

So, while she's out having a grand old time with someone else, I sit here, alone, because I didn't have enough time to make other plans. She just simply left me to stew in my own juices all night.

 

If this all doesn't make me stupid enough, here's the best part: during the course of our relationship, this same exact situation happened once before, last May. We broke-up for about a month or so, after which she told me that she was wrong and wanted to be with me. I was devastated from that break-up, and a little wary of her, but I decided to give it another shot. See, stupid. I was wary for good reason -- she followed the exact same pattern of behavior on the second round as occurred in the first: infatuation, then finding some problems, then finding more problems, then becoming distant, and finally springing this little surprise on me.

 

If nothing else, I hope that someone reading this will not fall into the same trap I have. I'm actually far better than I thought I'd be, even though I'm both very angry and very sad right now. But I'm not devastated. If there's one silver lining out of this, perhaps it's that I'm learning how to deal with break-ups without becoming devastated.

 

I am curious to know what others think, though -- am I being unreasonable to expect more communication from someone, even if things are not going well? Or should I have simply expected this to happen?

[EgoJoe]

"Dump her" by going NC 'cus she has already semi-dumped you and find someone who values you. Don't be a tool.

[SydneyGirl]

"Dump her" by going NC 'cus she has already semi-dumped you and find someone who values you. Don't be a tool.

 

Agreed! Completely disrespectful and unacceptable for someone you've been with for so long! I could not tolerate that kind of behavior! You most definitely deserve more notice and consideration then that! Not cool at all!

[pietro5266]

Thanks, y'all, for the feedback; it's very helpful. @EgoJoe, "doormat" was the word that came to mind for me. No worries, I think I've finally learned my lesson.