She broke up with me, I can't get over her......help.

[AmikeA]

Against all better judgment I dated a girl a few years younger than me. I have never done this before, and it seems like I had good reason. Our relationship was going perfectly, I really feel ilke I was falling in or was in love with this girl. Being around her everything seemed so much better, just talking to her brightened my day. I have never had a relationship go so well, or felt so strongly for someone, I have thought I was in love before but this was/is much different.

 

But she decided she is not ready for a relationship, and there is absolutly nothing that we can do about it. She still has strong feelings for me, she just can't handle a relationship right now, she has so much going on in her life. Now where does this leave me? I can't change the way I feel about her, and the feelings will not go away. Because of the way we broke up I can't see myself moving on for a while, I relly don't want this relationship to end. I think that is the problem. If I can't accept that fact how can I possibly move on.

 

When we actually broke up I wen't numb, I didn't know what to feel and was speachless, I left so much unsaid. Its been about a week now and the feeling snuck up on me, I have had time to think about how I really feel. I wake up a few times in the middle of the night thinking about her, I really need more closure in this. Is it wise for me too call her and talk about how I feel? I am afraid it will make things worse for me, and I don't want to put her through more pain than she must be going through already. I feel like it is selfish of her to just end it like that, but its also selfish of me to not think about what she must be going through.

 

You can probably tell I am really confused about all this. I don't know how to feel or react to anything. Some advice would be VERY helpful.

[light bulb]

I commend you for not giving in and calling her (yet). A commonly made breakup mistake is when people harass their ex's looking for some reasons...some answers. With your situation, I doubt you'll ever get any sense of closure. It sucks I know because I went through the same thing. I'd continue to be strong and not contact her if I were you...it seems like she made a rash decision and she'll likely regret it (if the relationship was going as well as you said it did). If not, the NC will allow you time to heal.

[AmikeA]

well too late dude, I finally gave in and sent her an email. I just had to get this stuff out, last nighg was the worst I have had yet. I don;t think I made a mistake though, i left so much unsaid and just cant leave it like that. You guys be the judge.

[light bulb]

I think the only mistake you made, if you are trying to get her back, is making yourself too available. Although we want our ex's to be touched by our expressions of love, compassion, and commitment; they often see these words as signs of weakness.

[AmikeA]

ok here is an update.....

 

Its only been like 12 hours since my last post but I seem to have had a complete emotional turnaround. I have decided to become friends with her. I was so unfair in my thinking. I was blameing her and feeling so much anger towards her for what happened and wasn't considering her side of this.

 

She is still very special too me and I wan't her to stay in my life in at least some way, I am willing to wait for her to be ready for a real relationship and until then I feel I can stay friends with her, and if someday she is ready then we can try again.

 

I know I am probably breaking like every breakup rule but I really don't care anymore. The NC stuff might work for most breakups but I feel this one is much different.

[guy40az]

It is going to be hard for you in the long run to be "friends" if you still have feelings for her !!!!

[AmikeA]

I dont know, I though what she said to me over and I really feel the same way, I even remember bringing it up before. I think keeping a friendship is going to help me out alot here. My main problem with being friends with an ex is not being able to cope with their eventual dating. That is not going to be an issue here. We both have so much going on in our ives that a realtionship would just suffer, that doesn't mean we have to hide from each other, just that we won't be able to deal with comittment at the present.

 

We both still have strong feelings for eachother, its just that a relationship is impossible at this time. I am not going to kid myself into thinking I can win her back or anything because this truly is for the best. When/If she is ready to try again I will try to be there, until that time I can put my feelings on the backburner and worry about other stuff going on in my life. Eventually my feelings may fade, and that is fine too. At least I will have gained a friend out of this whole thing.

[AmikeA]

The thing is we talked about how I would feel if she was seeing other people. She told me that most likely wouldn't be an issue. I know we can't really control when/if we fall for someone, and that may happen to her or me. But I keep telling myself exactly what she told me, She ended this for the best of the relationship. If we had kept it going we would have ended up hating each other. She really has no time for a relationship right now and has some growing to do before she is. Again I am willing to wait for this to happen. There IS a future here, we just have to wait until she is ready for one. As much as it may hurt me to do so I am willing to give that a try. Anything is better than not having her in my life at all.

 

And if she were to meet someone else in the meantime, there are two was it could go. If she was truly happy with a new person than I could be happy for her and let go. But if she met someone that treated her badley I think it would drive me insane, on the other hand that situation might remind her of how special out relationship was.