jeanettelee Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 i dont want to be friendzoned anymore. the last time i was asked out was already THREE years ago. i'm not pretty but i dont think im ugly. sometimes when i put on make up and go out at night with friends (only for special occasions)... some random guys would ask me for number and what not. but i dont like putting on make up ...just in general. i dont wear make up to school or when hanging out with friends. and im literally invisible in normal social occasions...and at school. i kinda know what's wrong with me. i'm a wee bit too boyish i think. and im quite fat (UK size 12 and US size 8-10 not sure) (btw, i think im kinda a feminist having done several gender studies course.) not that i think what other girls do is not right... but i just can't see myself being a 'girly' girl. i use the exact same voice (in terms of tone, pitch and all that), my natural voice, to talk to my girl frds and guy frds. i don't have a 'softer' voice. my gay friends say (very often) how i sound more like a guy than other guys. (hahahaa) i don't look particularly sporty. but im usually the sneaker kinda girl. i'm never in dresses 'cause i have really fat calves (a lot fatter than other parts of my body). what i think is the most serious problem is that i truly can't take compliments. i act/respond weird whenever a guy compliments me on anything. i'd either deny it or simply ignore it. i simply dont know what to say...part of the reason being that i dont think they mean it. it's like... i think they're saying it to be polite or sth... and i'd be making a fool of myself if i accept their compliments. i never let my hair down...it's always up in a ponytail. it's because my hair is thick and quite frizzy. my best guy friend (who used to like me) once bluntly told me it really is quite a turnoff. i once let my hair down and my classmates had really mixed opinions... then i just refused to let it down anymore. what all my friends have been telling me is that i always only wear in black/grey/navy/a mixture of the two or three. but i seriously dont think i can pull it off wearing bright colors. i dont want to feel like im attention-seeking. sometimes i really want to change my clothing style and all that. but i am quite comfortable being who i am right now. idk...please help... what should i do? i dont want guys to see me as a guy and be put in the friendzone. Link to comment
blueidealist24 Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 I only get hit on or asked out when I have makeup on too. I'm kind of invisible without it as well. I guess if you do want more male attention you'll have to wear more makeup and dress up more on occasions when you're not going out.. I'm not sure what else to say.. besides definitely don't deny it when a guy compliments you. I used to do that for the same reason but now I try to just smile and say thanks, even if I'm thinking in the back of my head that they don't mean it. Link to comment
Iakasot Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 You didn't reject and friend zone a lot of the guys who asked for your number? Link to comment
jeanettelee Posted January 24, 2012 Author Share Posted January 24, 2012 blueidealist: urgh but its such a pain to put on makeup... and another removing it. yeah i guess i will try to say thanks and smile. but u know what i mean by knowing they prolly dont mean it...right? Link to comment
jeanettelee Posted January 24, 2012 Author Share Posted January 24, 2012 iakasot: no. hahaa. the thing is i dont give my number to random guys. i did give it once to my friend's friend. but he has been avoiding me ever since. weird. but my friend said my facial expression pretty much implied i was reluctant. i wasnt! i was just shy and it caught me off guard. i have never intentionally friendzoned anyone. i just dont know it when someone likes me. more like i cant believe they would like me. in fact, only 2-3 guys have ever liked me. Link to comment
birdname Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 It has more to do with the way you carry yourself, than what you actually look like. Smiles, laughs and outgoing conversations make people appear more attractive. Work on your posture and body language and you will get more attention, promise. Link to comment
SpottiOtti Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 You seem to have several ideas about actions you could take to feel better about yourself. Why not try a couple? It seems to me that you feel quite poorly about yourself, and if doing some of those things would help you to improve your self-esteem, I think that would be a good first step to not getting friendzoned. BTW, US size 8-10 is not considered fat. I wonder, if you correctly converted the size from UK, if you aren't being a little too hard on yourself? Link to comment
Maoky Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 You still seem very young, so there's plenty of time to develop. Substance is so much more important than appearances. Do you really want to be with people who judge you so superficially anyway? A dear friend of mine once brought this up: It's not really about acting confident, or being a hopeless romantic, or a misanthropic cynic. It should be about growing into maturity and confidence. It's about being able to develop substance and wisdom. Working on your faults that you can truly concede to, and it's all about practice, practice, practice. Because then, and only then will your esteem beget confidence. So many people get caught up in the image of being, and they pretend to just 'go for it' without anything to back it up, leading into disappointment. It's not necessarily about living life to the extremes of either end, or any end. It's about living, and trying. Learn to develop yourself, and develop things to love about yourself first, before expecting anyone else to love you. If you like how you dress right now, then why stop? Link to comment
jeanettelee Posted January 25, 2012 Author Share Posted January 25, 2012 birdname: ahhh SMILES/LAUGHS. it's almost like you know me personally. people keep telling me to smile more. idk why i just have the tendency to look expression-less. and yeah posture as well i guess... thanks SpottiOtti: (oh im in fact UK14 and US10 haha i just checked.) i may not be too fat overall. but i have huge calves and gigantic thighs. i know i want to improve... but wouldn't it make me less of who i am? im not 'unique' anymore? thanks for the reply. moaky: im 23 already and i have never been in a serious relationship... so im kinda too 'old' in that sense. i was not this self-conscious about my looks before. but this year i got to know a really pretty girl. hanging out with her makes me feel really inadequate. i have been witnessing how people would randomly come up to us and ask her for her number and all that. she doesn't even wear makeup. o.O what you are saying is kinda what i think too. i like how im dressed but apparently people (including my friends) think i would look better otherwise. i really miss my old self who didn't care about guys and who was a total bookworm. now i spend quite a lot of my time looking into makeup stuff... while i dont even like applying makeup (maybe im just lazy?) idk what im thinking. thanks for the inspiring reply. Link to comment
jeanettelee Posted January 26, 2012 Author Share Posted January 26, 2012 also, there have been many times when some guy approached me because I was of some use. usually they approach me to know my other friends. i just cant trust people anymore. Link to comment
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