I want to get back with my ex (entire story of our 4 months together included)

[Technoboy]

Look, this might be a long post b/c i feel like im not getting the proper feedback from my friends.

 

Short story is; My gf broke up with me a week ago, and I want to beg for her to give me a second chance. Her best friend gave her bf a second chance, Her sister gave her ex a second chance, why cant i get a second chance? No, I have not talked to her since the break-up. I simply told her i respect her decision. But I want her back, I feel like if we actually hung out more, feelings could develop more.

 

I guess ill just explain the whole situation.

 

 

 

I just realized all the things i did wrong, and now i want to tell her that im sorry for all the mistakes i made, and that i wasnt myself during the last 2 months. I realized the mistakes i made over the break, and I even vowed to acknowledge my mistakes when she came back, promising i would never subject her to that kind of behaviour again. But her breaking up with me screwed it all up, now i can never correct the mistakes i made with her.

 

But i want her back. I dont even care how long it will take, what i have to go through. Its been a week since she broke up with me, and Im starting to feel alot better now. We have not spoken to eachother since the breakup. I plan on giving it a month, to see if this is what im really willing to subject my dignity to. I even have an excuse to start talking to her again; The birthday party she threw back in october. 2 of my friends still owed her money for tickets (total of $60, so not chump change by any means), and i have that $60 since my friends arent from around here. I did tell her after i left the day we broke up that i had the money that she still needed, and she responded saying that shed get the money from me sometime. So i still have a chance to meet her with a perfect excuse.

 

Now i REALLY need some pointers as what to do with this kind of oppurtunity. Im planning on waiting a month as i said to try and get myself 100% recovered. So far its been a week as ive said, and already im starting to feel better. Ive entered the mindset that ill take whatever she'll offer me, even if its just friendship. Though, I would love for her to take me back and give me the second chance to show her exactly who she fell for in the first place, that the 2 last months were completely irrelevent to making a judgement on my character, that im still that awesome/understanding guy she was so happy to be with at the beginning of the relationship. If she wants nothing to do with me, then i will cut my losses and move on. Otherwise, Im willing to do what it takes to make everything right. If its meant to be, its meant to be right?

 

So what should i say to her IF we do end up meeting up so i can give her the money? Theres so many ways i can approach this, I dont even know what will work. I can beg for her to take me back, tell her everything i feel, and just hope to god that it will actually work (like i said, her best friend gave her bf a second chance, and he begged her gf to take him back). Or do i just approach her like a friend? Ack i dont know! How would i even approach her as a friend? How can i get thing going again if i approach her like a friend? Someone please help me out, Im really confused as to what i should do when i meet her, what will mak her decide to give me the 2nd chance???

[Fun Boater 1]

Nothing can "make her decide" to give you a second chance. She has told you that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. You have told her you respect her decision. If you haven't pleaded, grovelled, begged, or cried in front of her and made a big scene over it in front of her, then that's really good! You may have another chance with her down the road because if you have been strong in front of her, at least she hasn't lost all respect for you.

 

Leave it at that and leave her be for now. Don't use the money your friends owe her as an excuse to see her in person. It's lame. She'll see right through it. There's nothing "magical" here that you can do to bring her back, and the fact that you know others who have given their ex's "second chances" doesn't mean anything either - everyone's situations are unique and different.

 

As far as "mistakes" you made with her, from what I read in your story I would say the biggest mistake you made was letting her get bored with you. You never took her out and showed her any excitement, or did anything to impress her on a date. You just hung out with her at her place all the time the whole time you were seeing each other. What is fun and attractive about that? You've got to show a girl a good time at least occasionally, or she's going to lose interest eventually. Hanging around her place all the time doing the same things she could be doing by herself, or with her female roomates doesn't get you anywhere. Her interest level gradually dropped to the point where she wasn't into the relationship anymore. So I would say that was your biggest "mistake".

[Technoboy]

Yes, i simply told her i respect her decision, and left it at that. While i wanted to plead with her, i simply knew that it wasnt going to help the situation at all.

 

And I have been leaving her alone, for more than a week now. I have not even spoken to her, and i dont plan on any sort of contact til about a month. Im not sure what youre insinuating by saying to leave her alone for now, but if its anything along the lines of "leave her alone and wait for her to initiate contact", then im afraid i have and argument to that. This girl is VERY introverted and shy. All throughout our relationship, she would NEVER initiate a conversation. In fact, she enjoyed silence. Every text conversation we had (which was a daily basis type thing) I would always begin them. Ive even tested her on more than one occasion to see if she would initiate contact. It would get to about midnight and she would simply text me saying goodnight (this was our routine thing that we did), that in which Id start talking to her for a bit, and her responses did imply that she was waiting for me to talk to her.

 

So you can see why i would have a problem with waiting for her to talk to me, simply b/c i know what kind of person she is, and i know that theres no way she would contact me, even if she wanted to. If anything, ive given her the bait, that she still needs to collect money from me. But I have a strong feeling that she wont fall for that bait, and still wont try to contact me. And even if i am to leave her alone for now, how long should i wait? certainly not until she contacts me, b/c ill be dead by the time that happens.

 

I think thats the realization i came to when she first told me she was "in limbo" about our relationship in mid-november. That we werent having any real fun, and we were sitting around like an old married couple doing nothing. But as ive said, the paranoia that struck me made everything worse. I lost sight of the positive attitude i had to go out and have more fun with her, especially when i started listening to what one of my friends was saying "you sure less time together is gonna work? sounds like she just doesnt wanna spend time with you". So instead of being positive and trying to figure out some fun stuff to do, i became extremely paranoid, and completley ignored the resolution i came to, and decided to try be as romantic as possible. I put pressure on myself to try win her love with these dates that we agreed to do. I mean, the dates themselves ended up to be not all that fun either (1st was a movie that turned out to be kinda bad, and 2nd was to dinner), I was fooling myself in trying to make these dates "romantic" when in reality, i was putting unwanted pressure on myself affecting my outward behaviour.

[Technoboy]

Sorry for the double post

 

Keep in mind, i only have 4 months. The school term lasts 4 months, then we have a 4 month break from may until september. So if i am to wait 4 months, i wont be able to see her an additional 4 months for the break since as i have said, she lives in a different province and will be returning home during the summer break.

[Tom1990]

Keep this up. Your plan for waiting a month sounds good. In the meantime, work hard at rebuilding yourself, and accept that it won't be easy. Forgive yourself of your "failures."

[Technoboy]

Thanks, and i shall follow through with that.

 

I would like some advice however on the steps i should be taking after my month of rejuvination. As ive said in an earlier post, im rather constricted on time, as well as, i have confidence that she's not going to be the one to start a conversation. She has a chance to start by asking about the money, but i dont feel as if shed go for it.

 

Also, i forgot to mention, my birthday is coming up (next week actually) i will be officially turning 20. She again has another chance to initiate contact by saying happy birthday to me whether it be through text, or fb message. I dont count on her doing this (although, she is the type to say happy birthday to any of her friends on fb), but its a chance to act upon her initiating contact.

 

So in retrospect, i need some pointers as to what i should do after my month of NC?

or

Some pointers of how i should react to her contacting me first whatever the reason (birthday wish, collect her money, some other reason?)

 

PS: call me crazy, but for some reason, i feel like she still might have feelings from me. I mean, guaging from the last meet up we had.

EX: was holding eye contact with me ALOT more (even more than when we were dating, she was really shy to do so), that final hug, and her complimenting me

I know thats far too little evidence to go off on, but hey, im just staying positive, entertaining the idea

 

dont get me wrong, im still going into this with NO EXPECTATIONS of whether or not she wants to give me a second chance.