So is this what they call rock bottom?

[Syntax1985]

This time last year, i was managing 2 night clubs 4 nights a week & running a bar/restaurant 11am till 11pm every single day of the week.

Im only 26 so my friends and family were all very proud of me, & a few even looked up to me, i had a constant rush of people around me all the time & made 100's of "friends".

i had my own 4 bedroom house above the bar, which i even ended up renting rooms out free to friends i knew that were in trouble so they could pick their feet up.

 

I was earning alot of money, helping alot of people, and really enjoying life as a powerful figurehead in my town.

 

Now im unemployed, broke, living at my mums in a small room with a single bed. I don't talk to anybody any more, i deleted my Facebook & i keep my mobile turned off most of the time, i just don't want to know the outside world.

I feel no motivation to get up & look for work, i just wake up, get on my computer, and play games till i fall asleep in the evening.

 

I feel miserable 24/7, worthless & depressed. Im not enjoying life at all at the moment. i know what's wrong with me but i just cant help it, even stepping outside of my front door seems like such a daunting prospect, i walk my dogs at 3/4am so as not to be recognised.

 

I feel like breaking down & crying, i just cant seem to slap myself round the face & pull my act together as hard as try.

[chitown9]

what was the cause of your downfall? Knowing this information might be helpful to determine how you can recover. chi

[Syntax1985]

I really don't know, i guess the last few months working for that company were hell, it got to the point i didn't want to work there any more but i had to because i was putting a roof over some ones head & employing so many people. come September last year i just gave up with everything. The bar wasn't making a profit & the 2 nightclubs were keeping it alive, i wanted it shut down as it just becoming a cash sink but the other owners wouldn't have it. so i was working 12 hours a day everyday, not 1 day off, running a business i no longer wanted to be there in the first place. it was June last year i wanted the bar shut down to give a time scale of how long i was in that "prison".

 

After that tho i still went out & spoke to people. There was 1 girl i really liked that was part of a large social group i hung around with. She came up to me 1 evening we were all out & confessed her feelings for me, then 10 minutes later was getting off with another guy on the dance floor ( in 1 of the nightclubs i used to run... )

 

I guess its going from being completely admired to down right humiliated that stopped me talking to everyone. I just cant face anyone any more. I saw someone i knew in a supermarket 3 weeks ago and i started feeling a burning sensation in my back & felt really anxious, they didn't recognise me but i left the store.

 

i cant really think of any other events. i have 3k people on my Facebook and only 4 people have tried to contact me, and i cant even bring myself to contact them back.

[chitown9]

Ok. That information does help. Now I know that you would not like to return doing that type of work in the future. I think that seeing a therapist would be your best bet as one of the roles of a therapist is to help you find direction in your life. Would that be possible for you? chi

[Syntax1985]

i don't think i could afford it, cant afford much at the moment

[Tuffly]

Are you looking for work? Do you have any idea what you want to do next?

[Syntax1985]

I look but i never apply to anything, i really don't know what i want to do, i feel like ive peaked.