Do I reach out?

[iBroken]

I haven't really been on much anymore. I sometimes come and lurk and see whats happening.

 

When I was a regular, I saw many threads about people wondering if they should break NC, or respond to correspondence. The consensus always seems to be NO. Then there is the question about wondering if someone should reach out to their ex as they feel that they have healed. This thread is my summary of what should happen.

 

Too many times, people think that they are in a good spot and can reach out again. But then they think "What would I say?" "Do I apologize for the way I acted while together/after the breakup/when I found out they moved on?" "Do I tell them that I have new hobbies, similar to theirs? and that I'm sorry I didn't have similar interests when we were together?" The universal answer is this. If you have to think about it then you might not be as ready as you think.

 

I know its an overwhelming time. You have spent so much time waiting to talk to them again that you almost rush the process. I'm okay you say. I am ready to talk. And then you begin to analyze every word they say. What does it mean etc etc etc. I too was in this boat, but when I look back, I laugh about how juvenile the whole process can be.

 

If you and your ex are ready to be friends, it will be seamless - conversation should flow naturally as it does with any "friend". My ex and I chat regularly. I dont have to think about what Im going to say. If she or I want to say something about what happened between us, it is said without the other one left wondering "Does that mean they want to get back together?" It doesnt have to be awkward - it doesnt have to be a musical with Act I or Act II.

 

If you want a background of my story to see whether what I say can be substantiated - feel free to read my threads (for those who dont know my story). Bad break up. Girl leaves Girl. Girl starts seeing Men (a 51 year old man to be exact and my ex is 33). We had about 10 months NC and then I had to contact her about something. We have met a couple of times, and talk around 3 times a week. She is pregnant now and wants to get married. She feels that he is the one. As you read this story, ask yourself how you would feel to hear these words come from the mouth of someone you thought you loved so much. Me? It doesnt bother me (much - hey - no one is perfect). It hurt when I learned they were together (this was while we were NC). But once I let her go for good in my heart and my mind, where she went was not my concern. Im glad she found "the one". Even if his is 18 years older than her. When she told me she was pregnant - well, that kinda stung. But that was after our conversation. My first thought was "Oh * * * * ! Congrats!" Im happy for her. Even if she isnt in the "ideal" situation right now. But thankfully, we get to be candid with one another. Me about her relationship, her about mine if we choose.

 

So the next time you ask yourself if you are ready, think this over.

 

P.S. It does get better. When she left me, I thought my world was over. Everything that was in it included her and revolved around her. I was lost and didnt know what I would do. Much less love again. After taking some time to sort it out, I realized I put too much value into her. My life is and has been better without her in it. I thought she was the one and that she was my everything. She wasnt. And I am okay with that.

 

I have met a beautiful woman whom I love dearly. Our relationship is so much better than the relationship I had with my ex - much healthier. You think no one will ever love you like your ex did.....but thats a good thing. My girlfriend loves me in a completely different way and it works for us. We have recently moved in together, gone on a couple of vacations together and recently, have started to talk about the steps we need to take to take our relationship to the next level (marriage and family) in the next couple of years.

 

So if you are hurt and reading this forum, sit tight and enjoy the roller coaster ride. Despite what you think, it will be worth it in the end.....trust me