Broke NC and feel like a fool.. now waiting for his call?.. Jesus -_-

[faith12345]

my ex bf broke up with me a month ago saying he didn't know what he wanted in life. Thought he was ready for a relationship but htought we rushed things and feels like he needs to be single to figure out what he wants in life and that maybe its better that were friends. He wanted to spend the rest of my life with me, was the best thing that ever happened to him, luckiest guy in the world ( his words and then dumps me). I at the time left it . then he texted me the next day asking if i was ok and I did the dumb mistake of giving it to him and * * * * * ing him out for what he did ( how he broke up with me) He said he knows and he kept saying he was sorry and sorry and was seriously begging me to be his friend. I said I would rather talk it out than be friends and I have to strong feelings to be his friend. He put sappy lyrics on his fb saying I will always be in his heart. I went NC for a month. Thinking I was ok. I accepted the break didn't talk to him denied friendship that sending a little text of wishing him luck on some test he is having would be ok. He answered and kept asking about me like I would ask about him but he would throw everything back to me and then he went all personal asking how I was feeling.. and I know he was asking about the break up. I said I had to go and if he wanted he could call me next week. He said "ok sounds good, nice talking to you"

 

And then I felt the sudden need to hide. I regret it I feel like a fool texting him cause I showed I still cared. And now I don't even know if he will call me and if he does what am I going to say. Cause I don't want to be friends and be his doormat. I just reached out to someone who doesn't want to be with me. Now I don't even know if I should answer the phone call if he does. I currently took out my battery and feel like removing and blocking him from fb now. I feel like I punched myself in the face.

 

 

What do you guys think.. he doesn't care about me doesn't want to get back with me I reached out to him and now I told him to call me ugh. Should I even answer. Of course I want to get back with him but breaking NC I am already in tears and he hasn't even rejected me twice yet.

[SandnSea]

Faith12345,

 

How long were you both together? When he said that things were rushed, what did he mean by that? Did you get too serious too quickly? What were the dynamics of your relationship and of the breakup?

[faith12345]

well i don't think I rushed anything he was the one talking about forever we were together for four months. He was changing his job and stuff. I feel horrible that we might have rushed things. i never talked about forever. I feel bad about that. I mean I talked about my friends and how there were together the same age we were and got married.. but I wasn't referring to us like lets get married it was just a convo. But he was talking about spending the rest of our lives together. I just feel bad about that cause the day before the break up Iw as stressed about school and trying to fit in work and him and where I was going to live in the summer. He wanted to pay for my school but I said no. I get how he thinks we rushed things.. but I wasn't approving any of that... I think he scared himself. BUt I told him i agreed. He just said he thought he was ready. When we were dating before we got serious he said he was looking for his soul mate and thought I was it. that I was the best thing that ever happened to him. HE said he got me and the day before we broke up he said the relationship was good and we weren;t going to break up.

[SandnSea]

Faith, may I ask how old you and your ex are? You mention school but I'm not sure if that's high school or college.

 

In my personal life, I've witnessed scenarios like this before, during my twenties. Men come on very strongly, talk about forever very early on in the relationship, and then all of a sudden the relationship crashes. In those instances, the man becomes "spooked" because he broadcasted a large commitment, but upon further evaluation, felt unable/unwilling to see it through. Many things could be the cause of this: infatuation, commitment-phobia, grass-is-greener syndrome, etc.

 

When your ex left the relationship, did he actually say that he "feels like he needs to be single to figure out what he wants in life and that maybe its better that were friends"?

[faith12345]

yes and we are in our early twenties. i just don't know if i should answer the phone call if he actually does call me i feel stupid for breaking nc. i don'teven know if he cares or not

[SandnSea]

Faith, in my opinion I think you should answer the call (since you did ask him to call you). To do otherwise could be misconstrued as game-playing. However, during that conversation I think you need to be polite but blunt and say that you're respecting his decision to end the relationship and thus you need some silence in order to move forward with your life. While he may be interested in being friends and checking in with you every now and again, that is counter-productive to your well-being. These random phone calls and texts only set you back, plus you'll likely find yourself over-analyzing every single bit of correspondence.

 

He was the one that told you he needed to be single for a while. That is his prerogative, but he can't string you along in the process.

 

Be respectful of yourself, and respectful of his decision to end this relationship. Who knows what the final outcome will be, but at least NC ensures you maintain your self-respect while getting over the relationship at the same time. It's not an easy road, but NC is the kindest of all alternatives (for you).

[faith12345]

I feel terrible i will tell him that. It just Im not sure if he will call I didn't even want the conversation to go on long just wanted to wish him luck but he got personal and just thought i'd throw it instead of ignoring. I feel bad that I made him feel like we rushed things. but I'll say that. i'll tell him goodbye for good

[SandnSea]

But, it doesn't sound like you were the one who was rushing things, but him instead?

[faith12345]

yeah it was honestly he put those ideas into his head not me.

[SandnSea]

Faith - let me know... did he reach out to you or no?

[Dezireey]

I think some dumpers need to get their head fixed when they dump someone they know is devastated or upset about the break up and ask to be 'friends'. I think it is quite upsetting for the dumpee for them to then check in on you from time to time with messages and calls to see how you are doing and to try and keep the friendship going. Like you said, you can't do that whilst you still have strong feelings. I would take his call if he rings and just explain that you don't want to be friends. period. as he broke your heart and you can't cope with being in any contact with him now or in the future. If he doesn't call, then all the better for you anyway.