Ex comes sniffing around again... My 60 day challenge.

[Aqua066]

So I've been to hell and back with my ex. I unfortunately have to work with my ex and see her every single day which makes things a million times worse for me. You can read most of my back story here:

 

 

 

We've been broken up since March. She soon after went into another relationship with this rich guy and has been with him ever since. In September they broke up for awhile and she came back to me. She apologized, finally gave me closure, we hung out like we were getting back together again, etc. About 10 days after coming back to me she ended up going back to the rich guy. She even started to drive his damn Porsche into work almost immediately after this... (that killed me). So back to NC for me after a few texts and angry emails from me. I blocked her number at the time but that only lasted a few days.

 

So in the past couple of weeks my ex comes around again. First she starts with the subtleties by starting to walk by my desk at work (which she has no business doing or had ever done before), then she shows up at the work gym after work basically waiting outside the men's locker room for me to come out. Starts purposely running into me and saying hi to me in a very friendly fashion, sends me a birthday text. I definitely knew something was up.

 

Next thing I know last Friday she texts me. Basically it was a nonsense text... a reason to contact me (breadcrumbs). All she said was "hey when I went by your desk, you looked grumpy. Are you ok?". I wasn't going to respond at all.. after all this girl has put me through but I eventually did. I responded on Monday morning just saying I didn't think I was grumpy and that I was just busy working or whatever. She immediately responds and we end up having a few more exchanges during the day then that night mostly talking about what we've been up to in terms of work and our living situation. Nothing relationship related at all.

 

So Tuesday comes and while going to lunch she is again waiting for me at the door going to the parking lot (pretending to be on her phone). We end up talking. She tells me about her new car. I guess her old one the engine went on it which is why she was driving the other guy's Porsche to work. She asks if I want to see it. I agree. We look at it and have another conversation then dumb me asks her is she wants to go to lunch...

 

We go and I get to hear what she's been up to etc. We also talk about what I've been up to (dating, my music, etc.).. So its confirmed that her and him are broken up again but she is clearly still not over him. I guess they've broken up like 2 or 3 times since September. They fight 10x worse then we ever did. The guy is really cocky and I guess throws everything in her face about what he pays for and gives her whatever. We talk a little bout us and "the good ole days". We eat lunch (well I don't eat much... as the panic starts to come back again) and then we head back to work. Btw her car is filled with gift bags of stuff that this guy has bought her. I guess the guy just buys her everything especially after they fight.

 

Without getting into every detail of our conversation - It is very clear to me that she is no where near getting over this guy. I don't think she is doing it on purpose but she is using me again to feed her ego or be her fall back option. I know this! I don't want to be that fall back option again. The pain I went through in September was propably worse then our initial breakup and all those feelings are starting to come back...

 

So I haven't heard from her since our lunch meeting. I haven't reached out either. I have come to the realization that I'm not sure if I have the strength to not respond back to her when she reaches out to me. I know she will either for Christmas or when her and him get into another fight or whatever. I can't see that relationship lasting much longer as how unstable its been. No matter the case I can't do this anymore. The pain I start to feel when we are in contact is absolutely terrible... Im absolutely miserable. Couple that with the fact that I have to see her everyday at work and it sucks big time. No matter how much I still love this girl I can't be her fall back option or emotional tampon when things are going bad with her and her boyfriend. I have to respect myself more then this.

 

I've decided I need to go truly No Contact. I need to block her number. Tbh I'm not sure if I have the strength to not respond back and the anxiety of waiting for her to reach out to me has been unbearable. I need to do this to get me back. I have to let this girl go once and for all! Maybe its because I have to see her everyday and her sniffing around every couple of months but I have had the most impossible time getting over this girl. She is on my mind thoroughly throughout the day especially at work. I can't live like this anymore.

 

I've blocked her number (easy to do with Verizon). I need to stick to this. I'm shooting for 60 days and we'll see where I am after that. I can't live like this anymore...

 

Any insight or feedback is appreciated.

 

Thanks - Aqua

[californiagirl]

Hi Auqua, i think its very good that you will have NC for a longer time now!! I know it's hard and difficult especially when you see her at work. You need to tell her that you are not angry on her but you need time to heal and try to focus on your own life now and you want NC.

 

She can't be playing this games with you over and over again.

She just knows that you will fall for her, she knows you still love her and she's making you crazy. When she's asking you things like you look grumpy or behave not so nice as she expects you to behave, just tell her very polite and as calm as you can that you're no longer interested in being her friend at this point, maybe in the future but that you need time for yourself now, you cannot go on like this. There is also a test, when she's misses you so much ( and i guess she will, cause she needs your attention all the time that's why she wants to have you around and walks past your desk and sends text messages) do not respond to her calls or attention asking behaviour, just focus on your own life. After time she will try to come back to you when this relaltionship with the new flame doesen't work out.... most likely, she also sounds like a woman who wants to show of with her car, well totally ignore that and act like it doesen't do anything to you, she will not like that and after time she will try to make it up with you or she will choose for the other guy but at least you are not her back up boyfriend cause it will hurt you....

 

Also when you totally disappear for a while, she will miss you more. When you are around she's doesen't start missing you cause your always there. She will wonder if you have a new GF and she will not like that. You should never use jalousy or manipulation or anything like that, just tell her you still love her and that's why you can't be 'just friends' cause she's not' just a friend' for you.

[LaKings55]

Good for you Aqua, a good show of strength. It's a shame you still have to work with her, but I think complete NC is still the way to go. I just don't see a future with this woman, she needs a lot of work before she'd be able to be a loyal partner.

[Aqua066]

Yes I don't see a future with this women either. It took a lot to finally get that drilled into my head that's for sure...! Working with her has been nothing short of a nightmare. I wish I knew how others have dealt with it... It sucks and has perpetuated my downward spiral and slow healing process. I've got to stick to this.

[Aqua066]

So this has been a lot tougher than I thought... I still have the block on the phone but not sure how long I will keep it on. It was good to have it on at first because it would ensure that I didn't reply to any of her messages in the beginning. Now, I having more curiosity... is she going to reach out to me again? Even if I know she's still not over the OM. I don't know.... I think I need to wait a little longer.

 

After everything this girl has put me through I still have thoughts that their might be a chance for us down the road... I know its stupid. I still am crazy about this girl. I know she still cares about me and still thinks about me. Its was obvious by her actions last week and in speaking to her but not sure if it'll ever be enough for her to come back to me... Ugh!

 

At this point I'm doing everything I can to work on myself still and keep myself busy with my music, working out like a madman and dating (which has slowed down a bit lately). The problem I've had with dating is that every girl I go out with I just don't really like that much or I compare them to my ex. Its tough but hopefully eventually I'll find someone else that clicks.

 

I guess I'm going to use this thread as my own journal to capture my thoughts. I think it will help. Feedback is always appreciated.

[RobD70]

You are your own worst enemy; if you give into your emotions you will sabotage yourself. In these situations you must do the OPPOSITE of what you feel like.

So this has been a lot tougher than I thought... I still have the block on the phone but not sure how long I will keep it on. It was good to have it on at first because it would ensure that I didn't reply to any of her messages in the beginning. Now, I having more curiosity... is she going to reach out to me again? Even if I know she's still not over the OM. I don't know.... I think I need to wait a little longer.

Curiosity killed the cat.

 

One, she will reach out again since you are her backup plan and two; it’s going to be a while before she is over him. If she has any feelings at all for him she will go back to him because she will have a hard time letting go of that future financial security.

 

Don’t make mistakes for short term gratification. Time is your friend and the longer you go NC, the more she will think about you. After a while (couple of months) she will start to panic and think you are over her for good. She doesn’t want you to give up on her even though she gave up on you. It’s an ego thing.

 

There’s nothing you can do or say that silence can do better. When you are NC their imagination runs wild and they start assuming you are better off without them which drives them nuts.

 

You need to avoid her at all cost, the longer you can go NC, the better your chances of not only getting her back BUT you getting over her and not even caring anymore.

 

That being said you guys broke up for a reason so if that’s not addressed then getting back together is pointless because it won’t last.

After everything this girl has put me through I still have thoughts that their might be a chance for us down the road... I know its stupid. I still am crazy about this girl. I know she still cares about me and still thinks about me. Its was obvious by her actions last week and in speaking to her but not sure if it'll ever be enough for her to come back to me... Ugh!

She may be “friendzoning” you, keep that in mind.

 

If she really cares about you then she will not be able to take you not caring about her. It’s a push-pull relationship, the more you pull away, the more she will come to you BUT the more you show interests in her, the more she will pull away and go back to Richie Rich.

 

Basically we want what we can't have, that means if she can't have you but can have RR then she will want you more. Its stupid but it all falls into putting value on things that are hard to get and not appreciating what is common or comes easy. The more you blow her off and "reject" her, the more likely she'll chase you.

 

This is HARD TO FAKE, woman are good at seeing through us so NC is important to keep from making mistakes. You can't screw up if you aren't there, right?

 

The best thing is to make it real, that means really moving forward (not "on") and stop focusing on her and see her as just another girl. When you stop caring about her and start caring about your future then you'll find you can get anything you want. You are putting yourself under a lot of pressure wanting to win her back. Throw in the towel and stop doing that, stop making it your goal to get back with her and you will feel 1000x better. Just.Give.Up.

 

At this point I'm doing everything I can to work on myself still and keep myself busy with my music, working out like a madman and dating (which has slowed down a bit lately). The problem I've had with dating is that every girl I go out with I just don't really like that much or I compare them to my ex. Its tough but hopefully eventually I'll find someone else that clicks.

Eventually you will but you’ll have to go through a lot to find one. Girls are a dime a dozen and once you take your ex off her pedestal; you’ll see she isn’t special. They are all the same. Picture what you want in the “perfect” girlfriend and start looking for that. It’ll take time but if you are patient you’ll get what you want.

 

In the end, there is NOTHING you can do to win her back so stop trying. Once you realize that, you can move forward and if down the road she wants to try again you can decide if that's what you want and on your terms because you will understand that you don't need her anymore. You'll have a "take it or leave it" attitude and that will attract her and other women to you.

[Aqua066]

Awesome post Rob! I agree with every word. Thanks for taking the time to read my story and post feedback.