Why do I feel this way, HELP!

[wdhhmsm]

PLEASE HELP, ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS!

I have been with my boyfriend since I was 15 years old, I am now 21. He is the only person I have ever kissed or been intimate with. About a month ago we went to a party together. That night we were talking talking to all of our friends and the conversation came up about kissing others. I looked at my boyfriend and said that if he ever kissed another girl I would break up with him, even though it has been 6 years. He then reached over and kissed my stepsister on the cheek and we all started laughing, I looked him in the eyes and said, "you know what I mean". Later in the night he started to get pretty drunk. He told me that one of the girls there kept bothering him and she told him that it was too bad that he had a girlfriend. I ignored this because I know he gets hit on like this a lot, but he had my full turst, plus I try to avoid conflicts. Eventually I noticed that my boyfriend was missing. I looked and saw him go into a porta-john, I watched the same girl go up to it about 10 seconds later, knock, enter, and then lock the door! My heart sank. It was as if my world and my hopes and dreams and everything I had worked for in my life had died right then and there. I ran up to the porta-john. Wondered if I wanted to see what I knew I would see, but knew I had to open it. I slid the "red" part over, and yanked open the door - they were making out, arms around each other. I went ballistic! He was everything to me, I would NEVER have hurt him, I saw our future together and thought about it everyday, I was so happy. I started to run away and he chased after me. He told me that he don't know what had happened and that he had never got the attention like that before (he told me this when he was drunk and at the moment). Now he really doesn't have an excuse, except for the fact that he will never be in that situation again. The next night he apologized to me and my family. I took him back, but it is not the same. He has quit drinking, and I DO believe he has quit for good (since he wasn't really a heavy drinker to begin with), and has also started to become more close to God and we started going to church. I feel like he wants to be a better person to me and others, but I just feel so empty inside now. I try to feel happy, and I try to envision our future together like I used to, but it is so hard. I feel so depressed, and always so miserable. I don't know what to do. I don't want to break up, but then there is apart of me that says that I should since he is the only person I have ever known. I am not going to get even, but should I break it off? I was going to last week, but then I couldn't. I am just so depressed, I feel like I am always in a dream, and to make matters worse I have always had anxiety problems....but now it is non-stop worries! Please help! Sorry this ended up long! Also, he graduated from college last year so I am here now, and I have other roomates to hang out with. He is also leaving to get his Master's next year. I also now go home to see him on the weekends. I feel like I don't want to leave him...but I told him THAT night that if he ever kissed another girl I would leave, but now it is not that simple!! PLEASE, I NEED SOME ADVICE AND HELP!

[daredevil]

There are many thins which u should remember in this... He was drunk but that does not defend his actions.. I hate when people says "I was drunk sorry" or "I did not know what i was doing", because imo. u know everything u do also.. espcially in the second u do it.. he knew he was going to kiss her and such.. but then that he don't drink and he goes to church with u shows that he really wants to change... and be there for you.. but you should brin it up with him and ask him.. why he did do it.. because either was he missing something in your relationship or else he just did it because he knew he "could" if u understand.. I can't give you a straight answer to this but i know that if my girlfriend cheated on me or such i wouldn't take her back.. My ex said that if i ever cheated on her she would take me back because she "loved" me... that was a bad argument and i got mad at her.. i said that i wouldn't take her back if she did it and such...

 

Mostly when people cheat on each other it is because they are missing something in the relationship or things has become a routine.. I have a girl friend who cheated on her boyfriend .. and she claimed it was because everything in the relationship had become a routine (sex and the things he did).. she missed the excitement of being touched on a new way and a lot other things.. they stayed together but still there are some problems in their reltaionship.. he was very afraid that she would do it again.. and that complety changed his picture of it.. he got very...possesing as if she was his all the time.. she did not get space and such..

 

On the other hand i also have a 2 friends which are a couple.. the one has cheated on the othert for 3 times.. but she took him back all the time.. because she loved him so miuch and he was the tyoe which did not know what he did when he was drunk.. he was a complety other person when drunk.. and today their relationship is very strong.. so it really depends on the situation.. if he was drunk and he usually acts weird when drunk then his act perhaps could be explained, but if not then he just did it because he missed something or was excited about it... thats my point of view..

 

Sorry for my english and such.. i was drunk yesterday.. so im wasted.. hope u can use the help..

[abcd1234]

Hi wdhhmsm,

 

What you are going through is obviously tough and he has no right to put you through this. It is always difficult to get over a parter cheating on you and seeing as he is the only boyfriend you have ever know it much be especially tough.

 

He was wrong to cheat and being drunk is no excuse for his actions, he knew what he was doing, knew that it was wrong and knew that it was always going to hurt you when you inevitably found out.

 

However, he has shown you how sorry he is through his actions after the event. Giving up drinking (especially heavy drinking) is a hard thing to do and by doing this for you shows how truly sorry he is. As you have said in your post, you can see that he wants to be a better person for you and never whnts a repeat of what happened that night.

 

It is not going to be easy working through this but i think you should, he made a mistake and he obviously wants to be a better boyfriend for you. I understand that you are feeling empty inside and depressed but i think this is due to the shock of having something lik this happen in your relationship. Working through this together will strengthen the bond between you two and i think that when you are both able to fully put it behind you, you will both feel better than ever.

 

If you do feel that a breakup is best then perhaps you should just take a break for a while to clear your head and think about it. Its not a decision that can be made instantly and it takes time to decide where you see the relationship going.

 

I hope this helps you out,

abcd1234

[Tinkerbell]

I'm really sorry that you've had to go through all of this, and I admire you for trying to make it work again. But what would you really have to ask yourself now is can you truly forgive him? Some people can, and some people can't, and you must determine which one of those people you are, because if you're the latter there's no point in continuing a relationship when the trust has been broken and there's no hope for building it back. Do you believe that he'll never do it again, or from now on will you constantly be suspicious? You shouldn't feel badly if you think this is the way it'll be from now on, he's the only one who should feel guilty because, drunk or not, he cheated on you. Don't let anyone tell you that you're partially to blame, no matter how rough things might be in the relationship, there is no excuse for infidelity!

I sincerely hope that you two can make things work, but now is the time for you to be thinking about yourself and no one else. You have to do what you need to do in order to be happy.

I wish you the best of luck,

~Tink

xxx