Just broke up. She needs time. To NC or not to NC?

[ruloog]

I wrote a post some days ago, but nobody read it because it was reeeeeeally long, so I'll make it very short:

 

I'm 19, she's 18.

Last Wednesday my girlfriend (now ex) broke up with me. She said she needed some time because things were not working as she wanted. She confessed that she's confused about her feelings. Her cousin is making it really hard also, because she's been pressing for my ex to reconcile with her previous bf.

 

I chose NC, and didn't talked to her since friday night, until yesterday. She read me on twitter, where I was posting some sad lyrics. She told me on fb chat that she didn't wanted me to be that sad. I responded saying I was that way, sad, so it was "normal" to act that way. She told me not to be like that, she still loves me, and that she thinks we could try it again (something I'd like) but she doesn't want to hurt me anymore. I finally asked her to tell, yes or no, if she thought we could be together again. She responded: "I don't know, in this precise moment I can't".

 

I renewed NC, and today I acted as if nothing happened on twitter, making jokes, and not even mentioning love. She, instead, was now the one posting sad lyrics, about how hard it was to say goodbye, and how she would like to give another try, but didn't want to get hurt again, and stuff like that. It was hard, but I ignored her on fb and twitter and never really made contact until, a minute before going out from work, she said hello on fb chat. I was tempted to respond, but I ended closing fb and driving home.

 

If I hadn't read this forum before, I'd be being a wussy begging for a second chance, but I've convinced my mind not to. The thing is, I'd really like to make things work. I know I could move on, but in this moment I don't want to, mainly because I don't want to kill every feeling (on both sides) right now. It could be over, but it could be not.

 

So here I am, asking myself if, in this situation, NC is the best approach. I was hoping to be like this until I found she really misses me and wants to reignite this with me, but I'm also thinking that maybe this way she will think I'm no longer interested and that it would be worse than asking her out sometimes or texting her, etc. What do you guys think? Is this the way?

[nyckid33]

I would just give her what she wants. TIME. One of my previous exs asked for this and I gave it to her and went complete NC and she came back. She will respect you if you can respect her wishes.

[Tom1990]

Much better to back off and risk losing her, than to push her and be assured of losing her. You're not a wuss for wanting a second chance, if there was something good there, and especially if this is time away to focus on yourselves. I think it's too soon to judge either way. A week or two of NC won't kill you. It'd probably do you both good.

[ruloog]

I would just give her what she wants. TIME. One of my previous exs asked for this and I gave it to her and went complete NC and she came back. She will respect you if you can respect her wishes.

 

Thanks! Maybe this is what I needed to hear: someone to tell me "Hey, I did this and this was the outcome". In your case, that's exactly what I'm willing to do, and I'll be hoping to get the same outcome.

 

As a matter of fact, if I never get that outcome, I think I'll be closer to moving on than starting from the scratch.

[murdock604]

Go no contact, very few things help you get over a girl besides completely deleting her # and facebook ( I suggest twitter too). Start dating other girls and continue the NC rule.

[ruloog]

Much better to back off and risk losing her, than to push her and be assured of losing her. You're not a wuss for wanting a second chance, if there was something good there, and especially if this is time away to focus on yourselves. I think it's too soon to judge either way. A week or two of NC won't kill you. It'd probably do you both good.

 

Great. I really felt like a wuss for even thinking on a future together. I know there are times where relationships are simply over, or people get hurt so bad that there's no love big enough to heal a broken bond. I'm hoping this is not one of those situations.

[ruloog]

Just a little update:

 

I work with her cousin. She (my ex) came today here with her. I was shocked when I saw her, she sat in front of me!! As soon as she sat she sent me a text, saying hi. But still, I only smiled and continued NCing her. I saw her leaving and I called her. I told her to wait for me outside. I went there and I told her it's been hard not to call her and talk to her, and that every progress I had made she just erased it and made me start all over. She looked sad, but kept listening to me and saying that if that was what I wanted, then everything was ok. I told her that I didn't make the decision to leave her, so it was my choice based on her decision. I finally told her that whenever she realized what she wanted she could call me or ask to see me, and then we could see if anything was still worth it. She said ok. I asked her if Ok was all she needed to say, because I didn't want her to call me in two days to break NC again and make me start all over. She said she had many things to say, and before she was going to talk, I asked if we could meet on the afternoon so she could tell me all she wanted (remember, we were at my work).

 

I'm posting an update as soon as we sort out this.

 

Thanks!