Complete Collapse of Confidence

[StealthyScooby]

A few years ago I reached an all time low in self esteem and confidence. For the past few years, I have been working on rebuilding it and getting into a "good" place. I finally got pretty dang close to where I needed to be, and now I have had a complete collapse of confidence. All of my insecurities have returned, and I feel like I'm back to square one. This was the worst weekend ever to say the least. I had everything from rejection, betrayal, and being taken advantage of. I've had small ups and downs I've had to battle through but this one is different. I have no self esteem, feel completely alone, and have no one to talk to. I've had people take advantage of me, girls lead me on, friends go behind my back, and just about everything else that would make you a distrusting person in my life. Where do I go from here? How to I rebuild myself now? Worst of all this is finals week, and I have absolutely no motivation to study. I am completely and utterly broken.

[LaKings55]

I was always a shy kid. I worked on it towards the end of high school and throughout college. Following a major event in my life the same year I graduated, I thought I'd throw my insecurities to the wind and see where I could go with putting myself out there. The rest of the year and the next were the best year and a half of my life. Then, just disaster after disaster hit the very end of last year and the beginning of this year. 2011 has truly been the worst year of my adult life. My confidence had largely disappeared, my shyness came back with a vengeance and I've had suicidal thoughts for the first time in my life, strangely provoked by things unrelated to the events of this year. I've struggled, I've fought, I've contemplated, and now I have good days and bad days. Some days I'm as confident as I ever was, other days I can go over 24 hours without saying a single word outloud (nature of my job I suppose.) The rollercoaster of emotions really sucks. Strangely, I've never considered myself emotional by any stretch of the imagination. In my youth, I'd been described as "cold," "unfeeling" "lacking in empathy," etc. Not that I was mean, in fact, I was just quiet, even in dating. I'd explain the reasons for being quiet, but I hate being too personal. Anyway, I feel your pain.

[StealthyScooby]

Thanks for your comments. It helps to know I'm not alone, even though it sucks to know your going through the same thing. We sound very similar actually. I was pretty shy my last couple of years in high school and have always been very stand-offish about my emotions in relationships(and even friendships). I've probably let girls who were actually interested in me get away because of my failure to communicate how I felt, but at the same time past experiences cause me to doubt their interest all together...even if they are pretty straight forward. This has all happened so fast. Just a week ago I was a confident fun loving person who didn't give a s**t what people think, and now I feel so insecure, alone, and unattractive. I don't even know if I know who I am anymore. Thanks again for listening.

[Generation]

You're right about starting at square one. Find new friends, and be a new you because they don't know the old you. How to do it? I dunno yet... I'd like to know as well.

 

Anyhow, finals... life begins after finals. Do your best, and good luck!

[LaKings55]

Sounds like this could potentially just be a passing feeling. Hopefully after finals, you'll be able to breathe a little easier and find a sense of balance again. Maybe once the stress is gone, your confidence will come back.