I called it off, did I make the right call?

[splendidlylost]

I'll make this fast.

 

I dated a girl for 6 months, and after some deliberation, broke things off.

 

My major complaints were:

 

1. She's emotionally cold. The night before I did call it off, I had an emotional pouring out where she didn't even flinch. I don't know if that registered in her mind, if she cared, or what. This also translates into a complete lack of physical affection (yeah, not even a decent hug, folks).

Her excuse was that she warned me that she "wasn't going to be really feminine" in terms of emotion. I'm not asking her to be girly, I'm asking her to be human.

 

2. She didn't want to really extend herself. I remember her once saying that she didn't like the idea of having to put forth real effort into a relationship. Why? Part of this is how the women in her (archaic) family operate; the women stay at home and do whatever while the men work. Just in their relationships, the men extend themselves and the women just sit and act pretty. I busted tail for 6 months and barely saw any effort on her part. She rarely called or messaged first, almost never planned dates, has really never done anything for me (even small things), and sadly, didn't even plan to do anything for my 22nd birthday (next Tuesday).

 

3. She was downright lazy or badly prioritized. Cases in point:

 

She's apparently unable to voice her emotions, so she was supposedly working on a letter that was supposed to let me know how she really feels. I waited on it for 2 weeks, and on one occasion, she told me that she put off the writing of this important letter so she can read some novel. Sorry dear, but the novel isn't going anywhere...but I am (and I did go somewhere).

 

Before a day I knew I was going to be very busy, and she was completely available the whole day, I asked her if she could run to a restaurant and get me some food right about 2 or 3pm. She said she couldn't, although she (less than a minute before) said she wasn't doing anything that day. Well, I get home and asked her what she did that day. She said she did some reading and looked around on the internet...and she didn't start that until 4pm.

 

...That about sums it up. Thanks in advance, everyone.[/i]

[RensoreK]

In my opinion I believe you did the right thing. A relationship is literally defined as:

 

"A particular type of connection existing between people related to or having dealings with each other"

 

And she (by what you stated her) seems to show she either lacks interest or isn't putting any effort on her part. I think you would be better off finding someone who would balance out the relationship and provide you with more support than what you had. I wish you luck !

[ComputerGuy]

All I can say is good call. She quite clearly didn't care about you and is unlikely to start caring wnytime in the near future. I get the impression she was either taking you for granted in a rather extreme way, she was using you as a convenience or she was only with you so she could say she had a b/f.

 

All in all, you made a good choice, and I think you will be much happier now. Also you can now find a girl who ACTUALLY cares about you and is willing to show it.

 

Good Luck

[AzurePhoenix]

More validation.. you made the right move.

 

Write out what is important to you in a relationship.. if the "ideal" women came into your life.. what qualities, attributes and attitudes would she have?

 

Use this in the future to avoid getting into a situation with a women who is not even on the same planet as what you want..

 

~AzurePhoenix

[splendidlylost]

Thanks for support, fellas. I just felt bad doing it because at the core, she is a nice, great looking, and intelligent girl. I'd normally only call off a relationship if she did something like cheat/mistreat me, but I've never come accross this in my entire dating history.

 

She does make a great friend, but that's about all.

[Empathy]

Just out of curiosity, how did this cold hearted individual handle the break up?

[splendidlylost]

Since her family holds strong to its aristocratic English roots, she took it in classic English manner.

 

She just stared at me with a blank expression on her face (as she always did in situations like this).

[daredevil]

The same did my ex... she also just sat and stared.. she cried for two hours before because i told her i wanted to know what the problem was.. i did not cry iwas just.. a little schoked.. nothing more.. but broke up and told her some things and such,.. long story hehe