Had to vent a little (mom issues)

[Arabella314]

My mom is driving me crazy. I went on a job interview about two weeks ago and she put me in such a bad mood with her after me about what I'm wearing and that I can't wear jeans and sneakers. I'm not a freaking idiot. I've never went to a interview in jeans and sneakers. I always wore slacks, dress shirts & shoes. I don't even wear my nose earring to interviews, but no, she's in my closet & hers picking out what I should wear like I'm a little kid who has to be dressed. No matter how much I scream ''leave me alone I'm not stupid!!!!" it doesn't work and she insists I don't know how to dress for a interview. She just came in my room asking why I didn't tell her I filled out a app at my aunts job. I said ''I don't have to tell you everything'' Then she puts the phone on speaker & tells my aunt to tell me how I'm suppose to dress at the interview. My freaking blood started boiling and I just gave her a dirty look. Then she asks my aunt about my big hoop earrings (which I never wore to a interview either) and my aunt said I can wear them. I was kind of happy cause it shut her up on that. But every freaking time I go out (interview, club, a date with a guy) we're fighting cause she's always trying to dress me. Even when I'm in NY by myself, she's on the phone saying "What you gonna wear? Don't wear those whatever. Make sure you look good for him. You look so pretty in the pictures you take on facebook and guys are gonna be expecting to see you like that not in jeans & sneakers all the time..blah blah." and no matter how much I say "I don't care this is me if guys don't like it they can keep it moving." It goes in one ear & out the other. Drives me nuts.

K I feel better now

[carlay31]

This sounds like my mom. My mom can be annoying like that too, but i realize she is only trying to help so I just agree with her to make her leave my room or whatever quicker. I wouldn't get so mad at her though

[abitbroken]

I would move out.

[jumper11]

If you can't move out (I for example was on my own but some crazy life experiences have led to me moving with a family member), then I suggest save money and keep to yourself. My grandma whom I live with is just like your mom. Yes, she drives me nuts. Sometimes these people just want to be validated and feel they are right, sadly. They want to feel they are in the right and are more educated than you are. It's a validation thing.

 

I'm using this as an example because this viewpoint these people have on life lead them to act this way - Like for example my grandma gets so MAD if I go to a computer store, because she doesn't understand and she doesn't like knowing that she doesn't understand. I tell her simply that she doesn't need to understand - and same with the way I dress- since shes the same as your mom.

 

It's a control thing... You know, they always had it rougher than you apparently, they're older than you, and in most cases they just don't understand how we live our lives. My grandma doesn't understand what I do in my room - Im on ENA but she thinks I just Facebook all day - because that's all she knows a computer does. Control and validation. And the fact she's feeding you, roof over your head, it's like she's your owner. She wants you to look presentable and what she deems appropriate.

[Arabella314]

Dammit, I got another interview & she heard the message now we're at it again. I overheard her on the phone with my dad saying that I probably messed up the last interview cause I went all sloppy looking which I didn't. I'm really starting not to like her. Her way is the right way & that's how it has to be. !^*% that. I'm gonna be 24 & it's MY way now

[abitbroken]

Why don't employers leave messages on a cell phone and not the home line? If you don't have one, you can get a cheap pay as you go. When I was a bit younger than you, I got a voicemail. It didn't ring a phone, but I could check it and my mom or eventual roommate could not. If my sister called, she rang the house, but if i was giving my number out on resume, important stuff or even guys I first started dating, thats the number they would get. But that was a few years ago, and that got replaced by having a cell phone. I would button up all my personal business completely so there is no possibility that everyone will be in your business.

 

Instead of firing back, have you ever sat your mom down and said "mom, i really appreciate that you are concerned about me and want me to do my best. But sometimes when I hear that I am sloppy/whatever insult it is, I often feel cut down..."

[Arabella314]

I do have a cell phone, since my father pays the bill & we all share minutes I try to only text until the phone is free after 9 which is why I put my house number. Some asked for cell phones & I put it, but I guess they chose to call the house.

 

I told her nicely after that she needs to stop but I doubt it if she does. When she gets on my case about interviews, fancy family dinners or going out on a date with a guy or just cause she wants to lecture me, I let her go on & on & I stay quiet but I'm sure she knows as soon as she says things like ''what guy is gonna want a girl who's always in jeans & sneakers. Guys like girly girls who dress up & look pretty" or when I go out to the clubs I'll put on a dress shirt with a miniskirt, she says "You look like a hoochie. Why you always want to wear those sl*tty skirts to clubs. What are guys gonna think of you. You'll get no respect" then that's when I get upset and start saying ''I dont care what they think. This is me, so leave me alone!" but nope she's the mom who knows everything & I know nothing. If I was to tell her that it bothers me, she'll probably tell me cause it's true what she says & to change and dress how I should dress so she won't have to say those things. When I was little I used to always hear my family say you can't argue with my mom cause she always has to be right. Boy they weren't joking lol.

[abitbroken]

I think interviews are worth violating the 9 pm rule. Just give them your number. Otherwise you can't blame anyone for being under anyone's thumb. Can any aunt or anyone talk to your mom about it? Or is everyone afraid to?

[Arabella314]

Yea I'm gonna start just putting my cell phone number on future applications. My aunt has told her I'm a adult & if I want to go outside with my butt hanging out I can. My sister has told her to let me be. She tells them no. My dad told me he'll try to talk to her, but I doubt it would work. or if he'll even remember. So we've decided that I'm just not gonna tell her when I have to go on the interviews. I know she's gonna ask though, but I'm not telling.

[WhenWillILove]

Sounds just like my mother.

It's like they want you to grow up, but then assume you're retarded. It's very annoying.

[WhenWillILove]

When my mom came onto me about what foods I should eat, I came down on her and started questioning her exercise regime and why she's overweight. She didn't like that. For a while, she bugged off.

[RoxyGril]

My mom was on my case a lot when I lived at home as well. I would say more so because when I started dating my bf, I wasn't home as much. Though she would get on my case about I need to be home more and to be home at a certain time, etc. Which this was all the dang time and she wouldn't stop. Anyways it got to the point where she gave me a choice of moving out on my own or to go live with my dad. Which led me to move out on my own and she soon begged me to come back. It's more of their way of trying to still have the control over you. You are an adult and can make your own decisions regardless of what you wear or what you do. She needs to understand that! Though it doesn't seem like she wants to understand or listen, if other people brought up the issue to her already.

 

If your able to move out on you own even if you rent a room or a studio then I would probably look into that. I think would definitely ease the intension that is boiling in between the both of you. As far as the interviews I would put my cell phone number on there instead of your home phone. It will allow her not to know every single interview you get and then get on your case about your clothes.