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I reconnected with this guy K who I dated briefly two years ago in college and have been talking to him for about a month now. The first day I talked to him was about two weeks after my last relationship. And ever since then we have talked on a daily basis or if not that then every single day. About three weeks in I went over for a sleepover and engaged in sex with him. One of my friends called us * * * * buddies and friends with benefits when in fact we engaged in sex once in three weeks and we spend most of our time together talking on the phone, texting and video conferencing on skype. We were happy and content that night looking at each other in the eyes, kissing, smiling and cuddling for five hours straight...we spent the early night doing that with no sleep.the way he looked at me was so special and genuine that i had no trouble trusting him. I had my share of panic attacks since we started dating and he tries his best to be there for me. He has always make an effort to be there for me and to make time out of his busy life for me.


Both of us aren't ready for a relationship, we both need to get settled down in our lives and he wants time for us to know each other better. We both know that we are rushing things a little and we both hope that it wouldn't backfire on us in the future. It's usually me who would rush things and he is the one to slow things down between us when he notices me trying to rush things with him. In many ways we are already dating and in a committed relationship and he is worried that I might take things with him too seriously and he reminds me that it's necessarily that we get to know each other better on a daily basis before we jump into things head on. I wonder what other stuff that he hasn't told me that I couldn't accept of him. He is pretty open and is starting to tell me more about himself. We spend at least an hour or two every single time we are on skype or talking on the phone. He would even sacrifice his sleep time just to talk to me in the wee hours of the night. So far I like him and the way he talks to me on a daily basis or every other day. I really don't have much complains about what we have.


He is trying to move right now, fixing his car and finding a new job right now, I know that he has a share of his own problems and he still makes time to deal with me and he helps to shoulder my problems too. He is a great listener and I love that. He also knows me well and we have no problem just being happy and content being with each other and making time for each other in our lives.


He has doubts about whether I am truly over my exes cuz I still think of them whenever memories pop back up. I have trouble letting anyone go completely and thinks that I need professional help in letting them go before I start anything with K. He is hesitant to be with me because my exes are still on my mind and that is why his gut is telling him to be careful with me. He could tell that I am over my exes for the most part but not in its entirety. He tells me that he is liking me more and more as he gets to know me. He tells me that if i am truly happy I wouldn't get my share of sad and depressing moments. I am trying my best to stop myself from putting too much time and emotion in this relationship into changing the things that I know I need to change that I am aware of.


The way he looks at me and treats me has me convinced that he is really serious about me. He is in many ways a twin of me except for the fact that he is a guy. He has anxiety issues, bipolar, thinks too much like me..except he deals with his issues differently by eating medication and smoking weed. He says smoking weed helps him to relax. I have asked him to quit but he said he couldn't and wouldn't. Does that mean that smoking weed is more important to him than I am? If I really like him I wouldn't make him choose one or the other right either quit smoking weed or I am going to leave you right...that I would just accept it?


He has also had a vasectomy. He keeps worrying that I will leave him. He is hesitant to be with me because my exes are still on my mind. I tell him that my exes are still on my mind and he really doesn't like it. He tells me that I need to learn how to relax. He says being with me helps him to relax and stops him from thinking too much from getting anxious. We are both happy and content with each other. But I have moments where I am sad and depressed and he says that moments like those wouldn't be there if I was truly happy with him and my life. At first he was really worried cuz he thought I am talking to him and I liked him just for the simple fact that he is there that I am not interested in him cuz I didn't take the time to talk to him about him and to get to know him better..but I have tried to get to know him better in the last couple of days and it seems like we are making good progress.


Where do you guys think this relationship is is heading? Do you guys think this is going down the right path?

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A few things to consider...


1) You just got out of a relationship. Do you think you'll need more time to heal before moving onto another?


2) You said it yourself that he is hesitant to be with you because you are not over your ex. How would you feel if you're really into someone, but he's not over his ex? Wouldn't you be more careful too so you won't get hurt or become the rebound?


3) He smokes pot and is never going to quit. It is up to YOU that you either accept it or you leave. Chances are this issue will always exist in this relationship. There is no way around it. Also, if he is the type of person that needs pot to deal with stress, be careful.


4) It seems that you are relying on him for emotional support, but do you think you can be there for him the same way when he's depressed and sad for a long period of time? This may sound harsh, but if you really just started to try to get to know him better in the last couple of days after spending countless hours each night talking for about a month, it doesn't sound like you're into him for him. Just more along the line of because he is there for your emotional needs.

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I do agree with you that I do need more time to heal before moving onto another relationship. I would be more careful about going into another relationship with someone who still thinks about the exes too so that is understandable. I think I can accept the fact that he smokes pot to help him relax for me but I don't know about the future. I know for a fact that he won't quit. As for being there for me in times of need...I am able and willing to do that for him as well. I do care about him and I want to be there for him as he is for me. I do not agree with the fact that I like him just because he is able to give me the emotional support that I need.

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