im having such a hard time. please help.

[jbug]

will this pain ever go away. i miss her so much, i miss her smile.

[loulou37]

will this pain ever go away. i miss her so much, i miss her smile.

 

aww hunny, i know how your'e feeling but it will go away....no amount of trying to get rid of it will help...you just gotta go with it, there's no other way around it..we will all get there. MY ex ex origanally brought me to this site and i'm well and truly over him and when he broke with me i was gonna kill myself, like literally!! silly eh?

 

He contacts me all the time to go see him but i never do.

 

loulou x

[mikhylabelle]

oh, jbug, i am sorry you are feeling this way. I have no words of wisdom, because like you, i terribly miss my love. But time will heal, and we will all get better. It's okay to feel the pain, we can't control what we feel, but we can control what we will do about it. Just do your best to distract yourself away from the thoughts of her and your relationship. Talk to your friends, or do something you like doing, go to the gym, or listen to music, anything that can distract you. I am finding it very hard to let go too, but i have no choice but to let go and move on. I am keeping myself distracted by writing here instead of being tempted to call him or send another message. Good luck.

[jbug]

thanks to both of you.

loulou, how long after the bu did he start contacting you?

[loulou37]

thanks to both of you.

loulou, how long after the bu did he start contacting you?

 

My ex ex always kept LC, initiated by him...it was a very different story though, after we split i moved back home to england from spain, he text now and again, to see how i was doing, sometimes we spoke on msn, my hope of recon had gone quite quickly with him cos he knew his mind...i had to go back to spain to collect the deposit on my old place, he said i could stay with him, i expected nothing, he had even said, i can stay but don't get the wrong idea!! anyway...when we got back to his place..he asked me right out if we could try again!! nd that he loved me n always had!! i was sooo shocked

 

we can not assume what our ex's are thinking, we have not got a clue...my ex said if i hadn't gone back for the deposit he would never, ever of told me he loved me, or even asked to get back with me.

 

loulou x

[jbug]

after she broke it off i took some time off from work. she lives where i work and i didnt want to see her. i tried to get her back with words. she told me 2 days ago that my behavior after the break killed her. she said im not the man she thought i was. that she needs someone confident, i man that will hold it down.

 

im devistated.

[Eocsor]

It gets better, but it takes time and you have to work at it. If it really was a significant relationship, it will probably take about a year to feel better and then close to another one to be totally over it. You can't rush it. All you can do is keep yourself busy, stay away from them and move on with your life.

[jbug]

eocsor, i hear you but im going have to see her when i return to work.

 

any ideas on how to handle that?

 

thanks

[Thorshammer]

after she broke it off i took some time off from work. she lives where i work and i didnt want to see her. i tried to get her back with words. she told me 2 days ago that my behavior after the break killed her. she said im not the man she thought i was. that she needs someone confident, i man that will hold it down.

 

im devistated.

 

Thats what I have been telling you since my very first post, I read what you were telling us and i can tell that she wants a strong confident man. You asked for my advice but didnt follow it. I remember there was this girl who chased me all over the place, then i just lost confidence suddenly, and started chasing her like a puppy, and in time she lost interest and told me I was "weird". This was when I was 18, I took it as a lesson learned and never forgotten. I did run into her years later and i was still embarrassed, i told her i was going through some issues at that time that made me weaker than normal- and i left it at that.

 

You need to pick yourself up. Go back to work with an attempt at a smile and learn what you can from this situation. Dont contact her unless she does, and basically be friendly but busy. Start your own healing process, and keep what you are feeling to yourself, dont share it with co-workers or with her.

[Raaawr]

eocsor, i hear you but im going have to see her when i return to work.

 

any ideas on how to handle that?

 

thanks

 

Avoid her. Do not talk to her, if she talks to you reply if you want but do not initiate any form of contact unless your job requires it. get your ass over here

Read the rules and get involved.

[jbug]

thor, im crazy embarrassed.

at this point its a non option me contacting her.

 

ive never felt so low, i really let MYSELF down.

[Liraele]

Yes, but it won't go away until you stop clinging to it like a life raft.

 

Right now, that pain is a connection to her. Even though it's pain, it's some part of the remnants, and thus her. Even though it hurts, it is a comfortable hurt. It's human nature to cling to the known rather than to go off into the unknown. A pain we know is more tolerable than one we don't.

 

You'll get through it when you're ready - no sooner, no later. There are things you can do to help yourself, and posting here and listening to advice is one of them. Heeding that advice is another.

[Thorshammer]

Dude, we all do dumb stuff. I got choked up with this girl and i only went out with her on 2 dates. Take it as a strong learning experience, nothing drives the point home more then going through something like this. Even then I didnt fully get it, i had a few more dates, and one relationship, with me screwing it up over and over again.

 

You got weak, she lost attraction... it happens. Now you know behavior is important in attraction, reverse that, work on that, and jump back in the dating scene with this new knowledge when you are ready to move on when you've healed enough.

[jbug]

thor, call me crazy but this is the girl i want. i can build attraction again, right?

 

i was/am a goood man just have a little growing up to do.

 

people dont stay together for 13 months cause they nothing better to do.

[loulou37]

You're causing yourself unessasary pain..like liraele says, you're clinging to it like a life raft, you gotta let go.

 

Things will be how they are meant to be.

 

loulou x

[Raaawr]

thor, call me crazy but this is the girl i want. i can build attraction again, right?

 

i was/am a goood man just have a little growing up to do.

 

people dont stay together for 13 months cause they nothing better to do.

 

Most likely not. I am afraid you will have to look at moving on.

 

I have no doubt you are but this was the wrong girl for you.

[Thorshammer]

thor, call me crazy but this is the girl i want. i can build attraction again, right?

 

i was/am a goood man just have a little growing up to do.

 

people dont stay together for 13 months cause they nothing better to do.

 

I helped a girl through her pregnancy, and then we slowly started to hook up after she gave birth. I was there for her when she needed me, i was beyond a good man in her eyes. We talked marriage, more kids, raising her kid, everything... She still left me.

 

I think you need to focus on healing right now. If its any incentive, healing and moving on will make you careless and stronger around her... because you wont care as much since you gave up. This can possibly build some attraction, but its nothing to rely on at this point. But right now with your state of mind and situation, you need to heal. I am 5 months BU and I feel fine, though lately I have been having hits of depression due to finding work that I slip into thinking about her- but its all good. I spent years of my life with the wrong women, horrible manipulating shallow women, and i lost the only one that matters, and I am not letting it kill me. Build that thick skin with time.

[jbug]

bust this thor, even 3 days go when she ripped me a new one she said she would like to catch a light lunch after hoildays.

 

how would you play that?

[Raaawr]

bust this thor, even 3 days go when she ripped me a new one she said she would like to catch a light lunch after hoildays.

 

how would you play that?

 

Guilt on her part I reckon. Sorry.

[Hope2011]

Yes, but it won't go away until you stop clinging to it like a life raft.

 

Right now, that pain is a connection to her. Even though it's pain, it's some part of the remnants, and thus her. Even though it hurts, it is a comfortable hurt. It's human nature to cling to the known rather than to go off into the unknown. A pain we know is more tolerable than one we don't.

 

You'll get through it when you're ready - no sooner, no later. There are things you can do to help yourself, and posting here and listening to advice is one of them. Heeding that advice is another.

 

I helped a girl through her pregnancy, and then we slowly started to hook up after she gave birth. I was there for her when she needed me, i was beyond a good man in her eyes. We talked marriage, more kids, raising her kid, everything... She still left me.

 

I think you need to focus on healing right now. If its any incentive, healing and moving on will make you careless and stronger around her... because you wont care as much since you gave up. This can possibly build some attraction, but its nothing to rely on at this point. But right now with your state of mind and situation, you need to heal. I am 5 months BU and I feel fine, though lately I have been having hits of depression due to finding work that I slip into thinking about her- but its all good. I spent years of my life with the wrong women, horrible manipulating shallow women, and i lost the only one that matters, and I am not letting it kill me. Build that thick skin with time.

 

Thank you for sharing your story. You have given a lot of good advice with an excellant side to your other relationships you have had. But does the pain ever go away? People say you will always have that person in your heart, does that mean the pain will not be there?

[jbug]

no dont be sorry but its a chance for me to hold my head high.

 

i read on this site and so many women say once their done they never look back.

 

lunch is lunch

[Eocsor]

thor, call me crazy but this is the girl i want. i can build attraction again, right?

 

i was/am a goood man just have a little growing up to do.

 

people dont stay together for 13 months cause they nothing better to do.

 

Thats a dangerous thought process for you right now. You need to work on letting go, not trying again.

 

In reality, being together for a little over a year isn't that long a time. You really are still in the discovery phase and people often decide at that stage to move on as it really isn't working for them.

 

Concentrate on healing and moving on.

[Eocsor]

Thank you for sharing your story. You have given a lot of good advice with an excellant side to your other relationships you have had. But does the pain ever go away? People say you will always have that person in your heart, does that mean the pain will not be there?

 

The pain leaves eventually. It just takes time. You may look back fondly on the relationship once in a while but nothing more than that. And sometimes the other person almost fades from memory. I can barely remember the love of my life from High School. But when we broke up I thought I was going to die. Pain doesn't last forever.

[Liraele]

Thank you for sharing your story. You have given a lot of good advice with an excellant side to your other relationships you have had. But does the pain ever go away? People say you will always have that person in your heart, does that mean the pain will not be there?

 

In time, the pain will fade. Can't say definitively that you won't have a twinge now and then, but it will (most likely) not be the all-encompassing emotion that it is. Time dulls the memories - and with the dulling of those memories comes a dulling of the pain.

[jbug]

so is the corny, guilt, light lunch after hoildays not a chance for me to show improve?