Moving in...Moving on...

[greenie35]

Hi there...first post ever on these boards. I guess I need a little advice here. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years and have lived together for about a year and a half. We recently moved 6 hours from our home town to go to school. We rented a nice little house close to school and it is completely ours. We are not renting from his dad who lived in the apartment below us anymore. We have taken on a whole new set of responsibilites. The problem is although I love him very deeply and I know he loves me there are some trust issues. Before we moved he was very jealous. He always wanted to know where I was, would get jealous of the guys I worked with and any guy from my past. Now we are down here and go to a big school with lots of beautiful people and although he claims to finally "trust" me now--- I don't trust him. I've seen him talking to the same girl outside his classroom building twice and he's told me they've talked before. He says she's just a nice girl...but to me it's just a GIANT hippocracy. We have had our ups and downs since we've moved down here and this talking to some girl thing has only added to the problem. He keeps mentioning getting his own studio apartment close to campus. He says that will help our relationship. He says it will make us miss each other and we will enjoy each other's company more. I don't know. I'm 25 and he's 23 we aren't freshman in college or anything. We've had some experiences and I thought he chose to make this move with me to start a life together and to help each other succeed, but I'm starting to see this different side of him. I don't think it's fair for him to abandon his responsibility that he and I agreed on sharing, but then again maybe there is truth to his logic. I don't know what to do here. ANy help would be appreciated..

 

Much love

Janet

[Protex]

Absense will sometimes tend to make the heart grow fonder.

 

But when it can be avoided, I don't see any reason to force absense upon a relationship to "re-spark" it.

 

There are other ways, moving away is not one of them.

[greenie35]

yeah the old adage does hold true in certain situations...I have a bad habit of not letting things go. I think he likes the attention he gets from this cute girl. Even after I told him it bothered me that he talks to her and we had a blow up fight which started because of it...he still was standing there talking to her after class as if he wanted me to see it. Then was like, "I just don't think it's a big deal." Perhaps not, but if you only knew the turmoil I was thrown into because of his jealousy over things alot less personal and obvious as talking to the opposite sex. I don't get direct answers. I say something like "do you want to date her" and he will say.."yeah, yeah I want to date her." I just don't respond well to that. And I've told him. It's like he just stumbled upon this playing field and is overwhelmed, or it's possible that my perception is just out of whack. I don't know what to do with this. Part of me wants to just tell him to split with the most confidence I can muster so he can see how strong and serious I am. But the truth is I don't want him to go. I love him so much...It's very difficult and I know something needs to be done. I can't imagine living in this new town where I know no one and losing the love of my life. I just can't fathom what that will do to me. I won't deny that I have a low self esteem...I think I'll just continue to work out which makes me feel good...I'll get into sewing, which I've wanted to do for a while...I'll get a cat...anything...something...I don't want to give up on our relationship...but I've gotta be strong. I know I'm babbling here, it's late...I'm exhausted...I appreciate any thoughts

much love,

janet

[OceanEyes]

I don't think it's fair at all that he's telling you now that he wants to get his own studio apartment closer to campus. He made a comittment and agreed to share in the responsibility of getting a place with you. He wants to move out - where the heck does that leave you? Paying for a whole house + utilities and other living expenses on your own? Did he discuss the option of at least helping you to find someone else to move in to help with the expenses?

 

I can see a bit of truth to his logic. However, him abandoning his responsibilities to you financially isn't very nice of him at all. Also, it doesn't make a lot of sense to me that he wants to move away from you now, after you've already been living together and things seemed to be find before this.

 

How does he seem with you lately? Do you notice any changes or differences in his behaviour or the way he is with you in general? If his behaviour and general attitude have changed along with his new interest in having his own apartment, I would keep my eyes open.

[greenie35]

Actually, there are soem details I left out...

The two of us received a whole lotta financial aid to get down here. We opened a joint checking account and combined both of our checks together and have been sharing it. I am not stingy nor is he so this aspect is not the problem. We both found jobs a couple weeks ago so now we have a nice nest egg in the bank on top of what we are bringing in. If he were to remove a large chunk of that money in the bank to pay first and last months rent that would be a burden since a lot of that money was meant for utilities (rent here is paid up until Janurary.) Enough of the finances though...

He doesn't have a car. I do. If we didnt live together he would have to live close to campus to get to his classes. When we lived together before we moved we shared my car and financially we lived with his dad who asked for a very small portion of rent and maintenance work on the house. This was ideal for us, since we were both pretty poor. Things were okay before we moved as I stated before he was wayyy more jealous of me than I of him. We were in familiar territory there. We knew all the same people---nothing new. Now we're here and there are so many different interesting beautiful people...I don't think abotu being with other guys...but I wonder about his intentions...I don't think him moving out would work for either of us. I just don't think it would be right to live together out of necessity. I feel a lot better today about things though. I'm taking control of things and I'm not going to let him see how this jealousy is affecting me. That's all I can do...if he thinks that I desperately need him in my life he might think I'm weak and take advantage. I'm a strong person and no matter what happens I have many oppurtunities and I'm open to them. He will be losing something very special if he gives up....He hasn't been helping me out around here lately. I don't know what's gonna happen. I'm just gonna keep living MY life...and the rest I'll leave in God's hands.