Throwing the memory box away

[elastic]

It's been 2.5 months since my girlfriend left for someone else. NC for 2 months.

 

After a real dip, these last few weeks have been very good for me. I've been getting out a lot, meeting new people, going on dates, etc. and I have barely been thinking about my ex. She's in love with someone else and there is nothing I can do about it so I've been making a real effort to move on.

 

Like many of you, I have a shoebox in my closet filled with 4 years of love letters, postcards and pictures. I noticed it the other day when I was cleaning and it got me thinking...

 

Why should I hold on to these memories?

 

I don't think we'll be getting back together (unless it's FAR into the future and she's grown up considerably). If we do it will have to be a brand new relationship with new pictures and letters. I get no satisfaction out of having these physical reminders in my house and I doubt I will ever want to reminisce over how in love we once were.

 

What have you done with your boxes?

 

I am seriously considering just throwing the whole thing in the stove...but I would like to know if those who have been broken up for a considerable amount of time think this would be a mistake.

[Mellie]

2.5 months isn't a very long time to be ditching stuff. Personally, only the other day I came accross a box from years ago (like 15) (when you get to my age, you build up a collection ). When I come accross this stuff - I tend to ditch it. I certainly don't get out the old love letters and get bleary eyed. I don't read them at all because they don't mean a damned thing. Just bin them.

 

It's up to you. If you think it would do you good to cermonially torch them. They're just paper and ink at the end of the day. Photos though, I don't know. I haven't ditched all of those - only with the one ex because I really don't care to remember him at all (and yeah I got rid of those straight away and never regretted it for a second). But the others - I don't bear any ill will and some shared a pretty substancial period of my life and experiences etc. Having said that, if someone left me for someone else, yeah I think I'd find that near impossible to get past and remember the good bits. I'd hope I could one day but I'd be pretty miffed about it for a long time, I reckon.

[elastic]

We did share some great times and I grew quite a bit while we were together. She taught me so much and was an amazing friend but right now that is all overshadowed by how things ended. I have most of our photos on a disc so I will save those as there are some great shots mixed in with pictures of us. You're right though. The rest of it is just paper and ink. I guess I'll mull over it a bit more. Thank you for your input, Mellie

[The_Seeker]

I gave back all the stuff he ever given to me to his brother. LOL I borrowed his GPS that's why his brother had to come pick it up because I didn't want to see him anymore. I gave his GPS, cards, and bday bracelet he got for me for my birthday.

 

Yeah, I could of pawn that bracelet, but I didn't. I must admit it was an expensive and beautiful bracelet. Haha!

[octour]

I tossed/deleted everything I had from her. Presents, clothes, pictures etc. She left me for someone else after 3.5 years and married the guy 2 months later. I didn't give anything back, I just tossed it. I didn't want to see her and still don't. Saw a pic of them on a website the other day that posted race results. Running races is one of the hobbies we both enjoyed and I frequent the site. In it, he's wearing a watch she showed me and was going to give me. Too funny.

 

I have no regrets about tossing anything.

[The_Seeker]

I tossed/deleted everything I had from her. Presents, clothes, pictures etc. She left me for someone else after 3.5 years and married the guy 2 months later. I didn't give anything back, I just tossed it. I didn't want to see her and still don't. Saw a pic of them on a website the other day that posted race results. Running races is one of the hobbies we both enjoyed and I frequent the site. In it, he's wearing a watch she showed me and was going to give me. Too funny.

 

I have no regrets about tossing anything.

 

Dang, Kanye should hire her for his heartless video.

[Mellie]

In it, he's wearing a watch she showed me and was going to give me. Too funny.

 

That is really icky. I just felt a little bit of sick rise up in my throat.

[octour]

Dang, Kanye should hire her for his heartless video.

 

Maybe she'll get an "anonymous" text from an elf this Xmas about the job!

[The_Seeker]

Maybe she'll get an "anonymous" text from an elf this Xmas about the job!

 

LMAO!!! Hahahaha! That's the funniest response I had ever got.

[calisurfer]

You're only 2.5 months into the healing process from 4 years of a relationship. I would say just keep the box in the closet for a while. Like it or not you shared 4 years of your life with this person.

 

My ex left me for someone else close to a year ago. I took all our pictures but them in a box, the ones on my mac I put on a usb drive and threw them in the closet. I moved a few weeks ago came accross the box, went through it and actually reminisced about that past. I didn't get mad or teary eyed, just remembered the good times we had. I know he has no place in my life now, nor in my future, but he is part of my past and played a role in the person who I am today. Hope this helps.

[BlueRose66]

I wouldnt toss it now, just wait. I have stuff buried in the closet too Ha so funny we all do. You may want some of those photos someday. I am glad I didnt burn or get rid of anything.

[elastic]

I wouldnt toss it now, just wait. I have stuff buried in the closet too Ha so funny we all do. You may want some of those photos someday. I am glad I didnt burn or get rid of anything.

 

I haven't done anything yet.

I understand keeping the photos but I don't get the point of keeping old notes, love letters, postcards, etc. What was your motive for holding on to these?

[tomtommyboy]

I had a very tough breakup a few years ago. Over it now but it took around 2 years really.

 

My feeling in regards to destroying the shoebox thing is...don't do it. Although I have no intention of looking at my love letters ever again, I'm still glad they exist. I feel 100% certain that burning them would have made me feel temporarily more in control, but in the longer run would have A) bothered me because those things no longer exist and B) handed too much power to the ex. It's the calmer, more rational and more human thing to just let stuff be.

 

All that said...I don't think in the long run it really matters either way. An ex is just that, so whatever your decision, she won't matter to you and neither will her stuff. But I totally understand the obsessing about this sort of thing...and I think overall it makes me feel mildly better that I didn't do something as dramatic as burn her letters.

 

Basically, once you're out of the madness none of it really matters, but the less OTT / melodramatically you've behaved, the better you can feel about yourself. And burning shizz definitely counts!

[ryan2600]

I've thrown away a majority of stuff. Gifts, clothes, physical things of no value. But things like photos, I kept, at least for now. I just keep them far away in the basement.

[BlueRose66]

I haven't done anything yet.

I understand keeping the photos but I don't get the point of keeping old notes, love letters, postcards, etc. What was your motive for holding on to these?

 

Well I didnt get any of those, just emails and phone messages. It is because it is a part of my life, and I am just not ready yet to delete the phone messages where my ex sang to me. I kept them on my phone for years while we were still together.

I am pretty sentimental and since this relationship has really been the love of my life (and I am 51) I just cant bring myself to throw anything out.

 

Who knows, when you are older you may look back at those with some interest or insights. They cant be taking up that much space?

[elastic]

They cant be taking up that much space?

 

That's very true, BlueRose. I look forward to a time when those memories take up even less space and I've moved on.

 

Thank you all for sharing your advice and experiences.

[misssparkle]

Throw it away. You will feel better once you do so. She left you for someone else, I ask that you take her off of that pedestal.

[Formula]

I had a messy breakup 7 months ago,really nasty and had to start again from scratch. Was with her almost 3 and a half years. She dumped me and was with another guy less than a week later. What does that say? Anyway i dumped most of the presents she gave me in a river about two months later and about a month ago made myself delete every single photo i had of her/us on my camera. Doing all this was not easy but Made me feel alot better. I have held on to the laptop and vinyl player she bought me though because at the moment im broke and can't afford to replace them. I do know that a shoebox in my wardrobe has

old birthday cards and valentines day cards she got me with messages in them etc. At the moment i can't bring myself to as much as look into that box and i don't intend to as it would be too painfull. Someday they will get the river treatment aswell.