donpeel83 Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Ahhhh, where to begin. I guess there have been some positives in life.....i guess. New jobs going alright, studying hard at my degree but recently I just feel.......well broken. My ex dumped me in March, me about for a few months and then got back with her first love. Thats the short version and I cant be bothered delving into more detail as she doesnt deserve it. However, ive just been feeling terribly low and depressed recently, like ive got no where to turn and nothing to excite me. Im still struggling to come to terms with the fact she sold me this artifical dream of "our future" only to get all wishy washy and change her mind, bail on us, me about with emotional breadcrumbs and then hook up with her first love. With that yes, i am getting those familiar depressing thoughts that "I bet her relationship and life is wonderful now im not involved" and I cant help but feel ever so jealous of her for leaving me and seeimingly going onto pastures greener whilst im still stuck in s psttern of slipping into emotional black holes that strip me bear of my positive energy and leave me feeling terribly low. Sorry for ranting ENA but just feeling lost, and like the title says.......broken. Link to comment
GreenCupcake Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 Do you want her back or are you upset that she dumped you? Sometimes we drive ourselves crazy without even knowing why. Link to comment
Notagoodninja Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 I know. I'm sorry. I feel the same my hearts so broken. Life just isn't fair. I gave my all. For nothing. Four wasted years. For nothing. breaks my heart.... I wish I could "move on" in the past I had rebounds and id quickly get over ex's but not this time i am depressed coz i can't shake the sadness and ive lost my desire to move on i get sad thinking about him moving on but i just can't move on, even if i saw him with another woman, even if he married another woman, im gonna be alone Link to comment
Notagoodninja Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 if it makes you feel any better, from my experience and observation of other couples, rebounds rarely last, whereas those folks who took a couple years to grieve actually got healed, discovered who they were, and now are SOOOO happy and in love in long term relationships dont let anyone tell u differently, it's ok to grieve and be alone a couple years Link to comment
donpeel83 Posted November 19, 2011 Author Share Posted November 19, 2011 Im so conflicted. For so long i would say yes, i want her back!!! I made many efforts to get her back when we split, and did some stupid things along the way as well. The ego was also bruised however at the dumping, I admit that. I guess a sense of shock in that I honestly tried so hard to be the best BF, adored her, cherished her and treated her better than any guy previously but ultimatley.....it wasnt enough. Ive just spent the last 8 months trying to grow and mature as a person but recently ive just been feeling low again, like tonight. Maybe im looking back with rose tinted specs I dont know. Link to comment
Awoken Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 I hear you loud and clear my friend. My ex just left me BUT I was her first BIG love. She left me for lots of reasons, my issues and hers, but the worst thing is she left for another guy too. I'm feeling the pain your feeling too. Anxiety attacks, hard to breath, can't focus, etc...And it's been almost 5 weeks since BU. ENA is the best place to look for support too. I know that feeling about "I bet she's just having and awesome time...without me!". I struggle with the thought everyday. Trying to find ways to distract me from that point though. Talk to as many people about it as you can, this helps a lot and obviously this site too! Link to comment
GreenCupcake Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 Maybe the holiday season is getting to you and you're just having a few bad weeks. Sometimes depression can cause you to mix a whole bunch of emotions/situations together and you find yourself longing for someone that you wouldn't give two craps about if you were really happy. Link to comment
Awoken Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 I know. I'm sorry. I feel the same my hearts so broken. Life just isn't fair. I gave my all. For nothing. Four wasted years. For nothing. breaks my heart.... I wish I could "move on" in the past I had rebounds and id quickly get over ex's but not this time i am depressed coz i can't shake the sadness and ive lost my desire to move on i get sad thinking about him moving on but i just can't move on, even if i saw him with another woman, even if he married another woman, im gonna be alone For you own mental health you need to find someone to move on. I know you have probably looked everywhere on this site for advice. There are so many things you can do. BUT you need to work on you! I'm in that process right now. It hurts still and it is a struggle. But I know I have to do it if I ever want to heal and move on with my life. Try an find some really good support systems eg; friends and family. Keep it up. Link to comment
donpeel83 Posted November 19, 2011 Author Share Posted November 19, 2011 if it makes you feel any better, from my experience and observation of other couples, rebounds rarely last, whereas those folks who took a couple years to grieve actually got healed, discovered who they were, and now are SOOOO happy and in love in long term relationships dont let anyone tell u differently, it's ok to grieve and be alone a couple years Well I am determined to spend at least 12 months on my own. Reason being I rushed from my ex ex into my last relationship. This time I just want to focus on me, learn what it is about me that drives woman away and try to become a better well rounded person. Plus my last relationship has left me feeling emotionally drained!! I invested so much into making it work and in turn it blew up in my face. I think whats healthy for me is to really focus on myself, on my life, and keep trying to forge ahead and grow. Also, the rebound thing, I do agree and to be fair I keep hearing this alot when ever i mention my ex nad her new guy. Yes, its probably getting to be old news for those who know my story but still, so many people have said the same thing. Also, what puzzles me about my ex is this.....and its at this point i will probably get an electronic slap lol. I do still partake in estalking......i knw i knw.....so wrong!! However, the facebook profile pic she currently uses is one of her and her son from Halloween two years ago, the night before I met her for the first time. WIth this photo there is a history to it. Last Year she tagged it after we had been togehter for a year with a quote "The night before you met your family for the first time" and then in August this year i "liked" that comment on the pic and she responded by deleting any comment i had ever made on her pics and then quickly changing her profile pic to one of her and the new/old guy. However, that pic is her current profile piccy and it just gets me wondering if shes trying to communicate via proxy. Could be something or nothing I know, but still......the wonder is there. Link to comment
Notagoodninja Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 I'm def an internet stalker And yeah I do that whole communication thru proxy so yeah she prolly is thinking of you tonight WTheck maybe it's the moon tonight or something Anyway problem is, that was pretty cold of her to put up a pic of her and her current bf...COLD! I would NEVER do something like that and I can be pretty cold and heartless sometimes but not that cold and heartless...geez!!!! Anyway but yeah she prob is reminiscing tonight for whatever reason Again Im terribly sorry I feel the same pain tonight, so I can relate..it is awful...that sick knot below your rib cage in the middle...ugh Link to comment
donpeel83 Posted November 19, 2011 Author Share Posted November 19, 2011 I'm def an internet stalker And yeah I do that whole communication thru proxy so yeah she prolly is thinking of you tonight WTheck maybe it's the moon tonight or something Anyway problem is, that was pretty cold of her to put up a pic of her and her current bf...COLD! I would NEVER do something like that and I can be pretty cold and heartless sometimes but not that cold and heartless...geez!!!! Anyway but yeah she prob is reminiscing tonight for whatever reason Again Im terribly sorry I feel the same pain tonight, so I can relate..it is awful...that sick knot below your rib cage in the middle...ugh Well i kind of saw straight through it and thought to myself "What a pathetic b***h." However, here is another thing as well which lends considerable weight to your point ninja about smoke and mirrors with the rebound relationship. My ex has a blog where by she talks about her failed relationships and dating experiences. Now, our first date is mentioned at great detail on there. She has changed the ending though as originally it was gushing with praise and love for me but now it reads that she would rather be on the shelf than stuck in a wrong relationship (though when she wrote that she had been with her first love for 2-3 months!?!?!). Howevere here is the thing, since Spring she has been moaning on twitter that she cant think of anything else to write about and is asking for ideas......yet at the same time she tweeted recently about "refinding her first love in may on facebook after 13 years apart" and im thinking surely thats golden material for a blog yet she keeps stating she struggling to find things to write about?? Baring in mind again her blog is about her dating and relationship experiences I find it strange that she wouldnt write a hollywood-esq tale of how she refound her 1st love??? Link to comment
donpeel83 Posted November 19, 2011 Author Share Posted November 19, 2011 I'm def an internet stalker And yeah I do that whole communication thru proxy so yeah she prolly is thinking of you tonight WTheck maybe it's the moon tonight or something Anyway problem is, that was pretty cold of her to put up a pic of her and her current bf...COLD! I would NEVER do something like that and I can be pretty cold and heartless sometimes but not that cold and heartless...geez!!!! Anyway but yeah she prob is reminiscing tonight for whatever reason Again Im terribly sorry I feel the same pain tonight, so I can relate..it is awful...that sick knot below your rib cage in the middle...ugh Also that Halloween snap from 2 years ago has been profile pic since early October. Link to comment
Notagoodninja Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 Hey donpeel you're so sweet hah its nice you still love her so much You have sooo much patience and faithfulness... Honestly I have 0 forgiveness in my heart for my lying, no good, cheating sack of you know what for an ex husband!! Now he's posting his penis pics on Craigslist looking for one night stands. He's such a hypocrite, I hope he rots in hell You on the other hand are sooooo much freakin nicer! I mean, if you love her that much to sit and suffer through her little flings you should just try one more time to give it a go...and then if she leaves you or cheats on you never give her another chance again But you're sitting there pining for her anyway and you're suffering anyway you may as well try to get back with her one more time if you're gonna sit there and read her blogs anyway knowing she's screwing around (ugh I hate cheaters) Link to comment
donpeel83 Posted November 19, 2011 Author Share Posted November 19, 2011 Thanks for the compliments, however with the blog it wasnt a case of she cheated....no, the blog talked about her dating life pre me and the final date blog was when she met me as it was done a way of "Here's all the *bleep* ive trawled through to find Don Peel the one!" So she didnt cheat. SImply put we were toghether for 18 months and she dumped me, wasnt sure if she wanted me back, hacked my facebook and saw me talking other people about the break up and then tracked down her first "Love/heartbreak" from 13 years ago and is now seeing him. In total she was single for 2 months and alot of that time was spent with her sending me breadcrumbs!! Link to comment
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