I know it doesn't concern me but

[Enigmatical]

Do you ever become bothered by the way some other people are living? I sometimes am.

 

My roommates are a couple. The female we will call "A" and her boyfriend is "J."

 

First let me point out that our rent and bills are split evenly between all of us. We pay rent, electric, and cable, that's it. This is probably the most affordable living situation you can get around here.

 

"A" is a stripper at this club in the next town over which is about a 20 mins drive. She makes about double what I do in a month in tips alone, sometimes more. "J" was working in a factory but was laid off for a month and now he just started working again.

 

I recently found out that J covers all of her costs so she pays nothing out of her own pocket to live here, which I guess is his choice as long as the bills get payed. However, the cable bill is in my name and since J was laid off for a month, he didn't have the money to give for either his portion or her portion either, which I understand. But it reflected negatively on my account and credit report. I'm not mad at him. I'm bothered because "A" makes all this money and she blows it on frivolous things. I know she's made more than enough money to make up for J being laid off, which would have been considerate of her to do, but she still decides to blow it.

 

I consider A a friend kind of, but her actions just bother me. She flashes hundreds in front of me and tells me that she makes hundreds from one client and then tells J she doesn't makes squat, and he believes her. After she gets off work at 3 am, she takes her and 3 of her work friends out to eat at this 24 hour cafe and then she takes all of them home and they live scattered all over town. So she blows most of her earnings on gas for her car, going out to eat, and she comes home with new clothes and costumes that she buys. She has even blown money on buying me things, (I didn't ask her to). She talks about trying to buy a $100 stripper pole, all these decorations for Christmas, and going on trips accross the country next year...but she can't be bothered to pay her own bills here. She even sometimes doesn't come home for like 2 days and stays in hotels for some reason. She'll tell J, "I don't want to drive home tonight so I'll just stay in hotel." It's not event that far of a drive. 20 mins. So J often sits here at home by himself while she stays out all night or in hotels doing God knows what. I don't know how he puts up with it.

 

This morning, she was supposed to come home by 5 am so he could use her car to get to his new job and she called him at around 4am and said she was on her way. She didn't show up until 7am and he missed work on what was supposed to be his 3rd day at his new job, so he likely in trouble if not fired...so they were fighting this morning because she had some shady excuse for being late.

 

Another thing she does that irritates me is that she is friends with this guy who used to be J's best friend but him and A screwed around a few times while A and J were on a break, and J found out so J is super uncomfortable with A being friends with him, but A still insists on hanging out with him all the fricking time. Honestly, it wouldn't surprise me if he was the reason she stays in hotels when she gets the chance. So they fight all the time about that guy and I'm thinking, why does she do that?

 

Like, it seems I come accross all these girls that pick the most push over dudes they can find so they can take advantage of their money and trust. I wonder if they do it on purpose and I just didn't get the memo. I know my bf wouldn't put it with it if I tried pulling the stuff she does. You know, I choose to have a boyfriend who knows he doesn't deserve to be shafted and I also choose to make an honest living and be responsible with my money. It's women like her who give the rest of us a bad name.

 

I guess this is more of a rant than a request for advice. Do you ever get mentally wrapped up in the lives of others who do things you find wrong?

[pl3asehelp]

All the time. Then I remove them from my life. Obviously you see some redeeming qualities in your friend here, but I don't based on what you've said. Not someone I would admire or look up to or even trust, which are all things I consider musts for a friend.

[DylanNotorious]

Yeah I know what you mean - and we all have been there.

 

In my experience I've had my opinions on other people's lives and they have had them on me. It just dosn't work at the end of the day, as people will just live the lives they want too regardless. So all you can do is be there for your friends if they need to vent, or are looking for advice or just comfort. Otherwise friendships just dissolve and you have big fall outs and it's just not worth it. But I would only help true friends if they needed it, not just anybody. I guess you just can't get too heavy into what you think is right and wrong, because it does not matter at the end of the day. Most people are going to do what they want to do and you just have to sit back and let them.

[Enigmatical]

Yeah I mean, she's really nice to me and my bf and her and I can talk for hours and we really click, but I keep my distance for when she leaves the house because I know I can't count on her to be back home by a certain time. One time I went running errands with her and I told my bf I would be back by a certain time, but that didnt happen since she was the one driving. She will go get cigarettes and be gone for 5 hours...not kidding. And I don't want to get thrown into her dramas. She tends to have a lot of drama around constantly, and it's because she has no discretion over her actions. She just does what she wants and she doesn't have much thought for the people who are affected.

[XxJustMexX]

Yep definitely. I actually am pretty much in the same boat as you. I'm renting a room out to two friends (a couple) and the girl's frivolously spending money and the guy pays the bills. He no longer has a job and is still expected to pay their bills while she spends all of their money. Then when it comes time to pay me rent, they're always a week or two late because they've blown all their money the previous month. I'm pretty much carrying them BOTH now because they're both not working! During this stage of not working they have an obsessive need to play video games so they asked me to add Wi-Fi to my cable bill. I told them only if they pay for everything up front. So stupid me adds it to my account expecting that they would pay me back the $150 I paid to start it up (since it was being debited immediately out of my account) the same day. Well they went out of town the next day and I figured ok, that's fine, they'll pay me in a few days when they get back. They got back last night. Do they have the money? Nope, they blew over $1000 on their little trip and paying me is on hold... Yet again. My solution? I'm not doing it anymore. I'm telling them either pay me my money, or they're going to have to find another place to live. Yes, they are my friends, but they are seriously taking advantage. The only reason it really irks me is because I pay everything up front (all my bills are on auto payment) and having to wait 2 weeks for them to give me back their portion isn't fair for me, as I handle my finances in a more responsible manner.

 

We as friends have to learn to draw the line when what our friends do affect us. Yes, it's not our life their screwing up with their irresponsibilities, but if it affects us, then we have a choice on what to do about it. In your case though you do have complete right to be angry. They're being irresponsible and your credit is on the line. So no matter how much you think you're butting into their business, you're not. It is now your business as well since it is affecting you.

[Enigmatical]

Oh man I feel your pain. It's always awkward when you start to feel shafted by people you consider your friends. Ive been trying to find a way to be firm yet still nice enough for the friendship not to be affected too much.