Where do I go from here?

[sb422]

My girlfriend and I were together for a year and a half. Our relationship started as friends with benefits because she had dated one of my friends and we didn't want to cause a lot of drama so we stayed together secretly for a while but really wanted to be together and then finally made it official when we couldn't take it anymore. We were each others' best friend and she started with marriage talk which I was reluctant with at first but eventually started feeling the same way and we would talk about how we couldn't wait to get married. Well during this summer after I graduated from college and was beginning to apply to medical school, I didn't get a job and was basically extremely lazy the entire summer which I know is extremely unattractive. She broke up with me in tears because she had become attracted to someone else and felt that we shouldn't be together anymore but that she would miss me terribly. I was devastated and despite knowing I shouldn't have, we talked almost every day for a month and a half even though I knew she was sleeping with this new guy. Once we stopped talking she told one of our mutual friends that she was ignoring me now because she felt like that's what she needed to do but that it was really hard and she missed me a lot. We've talked a little since then but now she is officially with this new guy and tells me not to talk to her anymore and I recently found out that she has removed all of the pictures of us from her Facebook profile. She means the world to me and I'm trying to better myself in every way that I can but it just really seems hopeless at this point. I keep thinking no contact will help, but it doesn't really help the way I'm feeling and I feel like she will have an "out of sight...out of mind" approach to me.

 

Does anyone have any advice? I want her in my life so badly that I can't stand it.

[NCMaster]

You have to come to terms with the following:

1. It's over and you are UNLIKELY to get back together. There is a chance, and there are things you can do to maximize the chance, and its quite easy read my suggestions on the next paragraph.

2. It's also up to her to communicate with you about the parts she is unhappy about, so dont beat yourself up about her losing attraction. Losing attraction is about as natural as gaining it.

3. Your life will feel empty for a bit and you will miss her loads no matter what you do. You can make choices now, and these choices involve keeping your self-worth and respect.

 

I would suggest the following:

 

1. Go NC (its a good thing that she deleted the photos, because it will benefit you eventually - just give this time)

2. Get loads of exercise.

3. Read about relationships, read about the other stories on this forum, address your issues. I can suggest the following three books which a user by the name of Endy suggested to me: "The journey from Abandonment to Healing" , "Reconciliation, healing the inner child" and "The way of the superior man".

4. Get out with friends, break the old habits. Challenge them as well, accept set backs and be sad if you need to be.

5. Persue some hobbies, I bought myself a camera. Together with my new car, Im driving everywhere taking photos, going to wine estates, to the mountains.(a whole lot of positive synergy here).

6. Do not make contact in anyway.If she throws you "breadcrumbs" do not respond initially. Come to this forum and ask for some advice first. You are obviously not going to be in the best state of minds to make good judgement calls regarding bread crumbs. Unsubscribe, better unfriend her from facebook if you have her on there.

7. If you want to, write her a short thank-you email for the time together and you will be respecting the wishes not to have contact.

8. Use this as a launchpad to become independent again from "wanting or needing her).

 

Its a tough road and I believe these steps will give you a good chance to feel good about yourself. The alternative is quite pro-longed agony. So make this decision for yourself. You don't deserve to suffer anymore.

Follow these steps and get better. These steps will also maximize your chances of getting your ex-back. But its not the purpose of it. The point is to heal and she will become just another prospect eventually like all other girls.

 

Good Luck and hang in there!!!