cardoffate Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 Hi, I’m here asking for help, and telling a nice little story to explain everything horrid that’s happened in the past few years. My friend is a user on this site, and recommended I post something as well since he got so much help from you guys as well! Well, I’m 21, single, male, in my final processes of becoming a teacher, and for my age, very successful, running a business on the side while I’m in my final years of college. And I’ve had horrible endeavors with relationships for a while now. I’ve been cheated on, lied to directly to my face, judged, physically beat down, forced to do some things I didn’t want to do under pressure, or fear of a massive argument, which I never really enjoyed, and cried myself to sleep on multiple occasions, wondering why I was treated the way I was. Following a very bad ending to a long relationship that ended last October, I finally got burdened with the straw that broke the camel’s back. After that relationship ended, I stopped most of the crying, stopped self-harming myself, and rigged my heart to explode. It did, and I became cold from that point ever since. I hid my insecurities, my emotions, and everything behind a door in my mind, but even the strongest door can’t keep what’s outside from coming in. Started drinking heavily, started smoking, started to not really care about myself anymore at all, I’ve tumbled down into a pit, and I can’t seem to get myself back out from it. Over a year now since I’ve hit my breaking point and I want to get back out there, find someone, demolishes these insecurities and self-recognized, and learn to trust again. However though, I’m not someone who’s a perfect, nor have I have claimed to be. I’m very shy, even though people have told me that I’m a very sweet and mature guy, when they can muster a few words out of me. This isn’t really new though, I’ve been like this as young as I can remember. I’m agoraphobic, have anxiety attacks, and it makes it very socially inhibiting for me in social situations, even when I was medicated for such things. I have trust issues, get abused and boned over as much as I have from the past few years by women in my life, wouldn’t you be the same way? I’m a bit eccentric and socially awkward at times (I guess it goes with high level of intelligence and I just generally have a hard time meeting new women in my life, with all these things floating around in my mind, also with my feeling of being inadequate for anyone, even though people have observed and told me otherwise. I guess I just think their trying to make me not feel bad. I’m here today asking now, after being almost pulverized into the ground by others, including myself, hurt horribly, and just treated badly for being the "nice/good guy" How do I get back out there? Meet someone again? Find someone again? I’m pretty much confined to a small college in the middle of nowhere, so it isn’t exactly as easy as you think along with the social phobia of talking and meeting people in the first place. I’m just looking for some help to get back up on my feet, never thought I’d get tired of being alone, or just being as lonely as I’ve felt in my life in the past few years. Any positive comments welcome, if you don’t have anything nice to say, keep it to yourself, I've heard enough of the bad stuff. Link to comment
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