A shy person in need of guidance and help.

[cardoffate]

Hi,

 

I’m here asking for help, and telling a nice little story to explain everything horrid that’s happened in the past few years. My friend is a user on this site, and recommended I post something as well since he got so much help from you guys as well!

Well, I’m 21, single, male, in my final processes of becoming a teacher, and for my age, very successful, running a business on the side while I’m in my final years of college.

And I’ve had horrible endeavors with relationships for a while now.

I’ve been cheated on, lied to directly to my face, judged, physically beat down, forced to do some things I didn’t want to do under pressure, or fear of a massive argument, which I never really enjoyed, and cried myself to sleep on multiple occasions, wondering why I was treated the way I was.

 

Following a very bad ending to a long relationship that ended last October, I finally got burdened with the straw that broke the camel’s back. After that relationship ended, I stopped most of the crying, stopped self-harming myself, and rigged my heart to explode. It did, and I became cold from that point ever since. I hid my insecurities, my emotions, and everything behind a door in my mind, but even the strongest door can’t keep what’s outside from coming in.

 

Started drinking heavily, started smoking, started to not really care about myself anymore at all, I’ve tumbled down into a pit, and I can’t seem to get myself back out from it.

 

Over a year now since I’ve hit my breaking point and I want to get back out there, find someone, demolishes these insecurities and self-recognized, and learn to trust again.

 

However though, I’m not someone who’s a perfect, nor have I have claimed to be.

 

I’m very shy, even though people have told me that I’m a very sweet and mature guy, when they can muster a few words out of me. This isn’t really new though, I’ve been like this as young as I can remember. I’m agoraphobic, have anxiety attacks, and it makes it very socially inhibiting for me in social situations, even when I was medicated for such things. I have trust issues, get abused and boned over as much as I have from the past few years by women in my life, wouldn’t you be the same way? I’m a bit eccentric and socially awkward at times (I guess it goes with high level of intelligence and I just generally have a hard time meeting new women in my life, with all these things floating around in my mind, also with my feeling of being inadequate for anyone, even though people have observed and told me otherwise. I guess I just think their trying to make me not feel bad.

I’m here today asking now, after being almost pulverized into the ground by others, including myself, hurt horribly, and just treated badly for being the "nice/good guy" How do I get back out there? Meet someone again? Find someone again? I’m pretty much confined to a small college in the middle of nowhere, so it isn’t exactly as easy as you think along with the social phobia of talking and meeting people in the first place.

 

I’m just looking for some help to get back up on my feet, never thought I’d get tired of being alone, or just being as lonely as I’ve felt in my life in the past few years. Any positive comments welcome, if you don’t have anything nice to say, keep it to yourself, I've heard enough of the bad stuff.

[Selfdeprivated]

How are your other aspects of life doing at this moment?

[cardoffate]

Good, good.

 

successful and ambitious down to the definition of the word, even though I just do it to hide my pain and feelings most days, it's the only part of me that's fallen into such disrepair and almost utter hate and anger.

[Voguester]

If you re-read your post you really play yourself as a victim, I'm sure in the relationships you have been in that you had some part in why they ended? I just found your post a bit emotionally draining to read, we all go through tough situations in life and I can tell you that I'm at this point in my life because of myself and no-one else.

Try and focus on the positive aspects in your life, you sound like you're doing pretty well imo with your career and as you say, you're a smart, good guy. The next woman in your life is not going to want to her about your prior love history and how wrong it all went, if I were you I would think about that and see how you can positively change the image of yourself that you're portraying right now.

[notafraid]

I agree with Voguester. Our world is a mirror and reality is merely our perception of it. If you walk around angry and hating yourself, guess what? You will most likely keep experiencing situations that make you angry and you will continue to hate yourself. It sounds as if in terms of career and work you like what you do, so this is a very positive thing. Most people your age (or any age) have no idea what they want to do or even what they LIKE to do. I hope you have some friends or a support group or even one good friend that you can lean on and share some of your thoughts. Also, please stop smoking and drinking. I'm not judging, it's just that if you stop these things or slow them down you will definitely begin to feel better about yourself. That's the key right now. Have you thought of taking up some kind of exercise? Go running with a friend or even on your own, I think exercise is a natural anti-depressant I am older than you and have gone through many similar experiences, see if you can start OWNING your emotions without having them control you. It will take much work, but anything that is worth having will always be work.....good luck!