Willowbee Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 I have been with my boyfriend for quite sometime now, and everything has been AMAZING up to this point. Him and I are in a long distance relationship, which in itself can be so emotionally draining, but after his last visit everything we had just stopped. There was no more text messages or phone calls, and the ones I sent to him seemed to be ignored. When he did finally respond, they seemed cold, and emotionless. Being human, I immediately started to pick myself apart, and try and figure out what I had done wrong. Since he would not let me in to what was going on, I was ready to give up. After well over a week of reaching out to him, and getting nothing in return from him, I sent him a final text message giving him the opportunity to explain himself, as well as let him know that I was still willing to work through this with him if only he would just let me. If I did not hear back from him I had every intention of deleting his phone number, and erasing him from my mind. The entire day went by, and finally 7 pages worth of text messages came in from him...He explained what a deep depression he was in, as well as how much he missed me. This is something he has been dealing with his entire life, and it comes and goes with no explanation at all. He told me that it was nothing that I had done, but he was in a "shell" and just could not come out of it. He claims he wants to work through this and fix it, but he has no idea what to say to make this better.... I have not heard from him since then. After reading through those text messages, my heart just ached for him, as I myself have been there. It is a horrible feeling, and if you have never experienced it then you really have no idea. Who am I to judge someone on how they deal with pain, but I wish there was something I could do, or if he would just reach out to me I could help in some way. As much as I am respecting him, and what he is going through, I never could have imagined how much his absence would effect me. I feel as though his depression is literally making me die inside, and I am feeling miserable. I do not want to give up on him, nor do I plan to, but how do I deal with this? What can I do so he knows that I have not forgotten about him, and that I AM still here? What can I do for myself in this situation? Any advice would be much appreciated!! Link to comment
Nyuh Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 I know it's difficult, but if you're going to be able to support him at all, you need to focus on yourself first. I think you should take a step back from the situation and become more stable instead of needy - establish a support system and focus on exterior activities - and at the same time, send him an email or some such thing, explaining you're there for him. I think he may need a bit of space right now (thus the neediness aspect must be managed) and you most certainly need to make sure you're healthy right now. Getting occasional emails from you that are caring and respectful will probably help him even if he doesn't reply to them. Wait for a reply and watch for an opening to talk to him more about his issues, when he is ready to open up. He may have personal issues with that and perhaps this will help him with that. The detachment from the situation is also beneficial if he remains uncooperative and becomes disrespectful of /your/ needs, you need to be able to walk away if it isn't working out. Perhaps even taking a break in the future will be necessary but that doesn't need to dictate your future with him forever. Depression happens and I understand how it can be detrimental to both parties in a relationship, but undying sympathy isn't always the best answer either, especially when it become too hard on you. He has strength on his own and he needs to discover it. The only thing I worry about is potential suicide but I'm not sure if he's that bad..? Anyway, Good luck to you and I have my fingers crossed. Link to comment
Willowbee Posted November 7, 2011 Author Share Posted November 7, 2011 I have been trying to focus on myself, and I have given him almost a months worth of space. I send him a text every so often just letting him know I am thinking about him etc, but I have yet to get a response. I would not say that I am "needy", as I am not constantly trying to contact him etc, I am just hurting. The thing that I feel is bothering me the most is the uncertainty of everything, and whether or not this is something that we can move forward from. I have never been in a situation like this, and it has really taken its toll on me, and I hope that I can find the strength to get myself out of this. I do love him deeply, BUT I cannot sit here and drown with him, if he chooses to not get some sort of help. I do not think there is any worry whatsoever about suicide...he has a daughter and I know he would never do that to her. Thank you for your insight!! Link to comment
Nyuh Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 Yea, I know. Uncertainty is a killer. I'm glad to see he has something to live for and to keep him in check, at least. You have friends? I think you ought to consider going out and having a nice time with them - perhaps selecting your closest confidant to relate these events to later, after you cannot be distracted anymore. Having support in person is a godsend, I've found. Link to comment
Willowbee Posted November 7, 2011 Author Share Posted November 7, 2011 I do have a small, close circle of friends....but this is something that I have no brought up to any of them. I could use a nice night out though, would for sure help me clear my head a bit. The weird thing about all of this is I am NOT someone who gets like this, especially not over a guy. Maybe it goes to show how much him, and this relationship mean to me... Link to comment
irishbelle Posted April 14, 2012 Share Posted April 14, 2012 Hello, I've just read this thread and am in a very similar situation to you willowbee. Can you update your current situation with your boyfriend? My boyfriend is depressed, says he feels 'empty' inside and is not ready/able to talk to me about his depression 'at the moment'. I don't know what to do. I have encouraged him to seek help by email, which I received no response to like yourself. Should I keep encouraging him, give him space to realise on his own? Link to comment
JaneC Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 Hello, I've just read this thread and am in a very similar situation to you willowbee. Can you update your current situation with your boyfriend? My boyfriend is depressed, says he feels 'empty' inside and is not ready/able to talk to me about his depression 'at the moment'. I don't know what to do. I have encouraged him to seek help by email, which I received no response to like yourself. Should I keep encouraging him, give him space to realise on his own? I am in the same situation as Irishbelle and Willowbee. It's been 10 weeks now and my depressed boyfriend has completely shut me out. Ignoring my messages completely and the 2 messages I have had from him in all those weeks have not been relevant at all to all my messages. Have either of you got your men back yet? If so how has it been? Link to comment
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