highcontrast Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 I should point out that although ive been reading the site for a long while now, I am still very much a newbie on the forum, i came here more to get advice. But i just wanted to post basically what ive learnt in the last few months. Without going into details, i've made numerous (and on-going) mistakes in trying to reconcile with my ex, like begging & pleading in the beginning, breaking NC every month or two months, and most recently sending flowers! This is despite reading this and other forums religiuosly. Anyway the hours, weeks, months trawling thru posts, and occasionally posting my own, i've learnt that the same overall message simply keeps repeating "Go NC (for a decent amount of time at least), move on, an improve yourself in the meantime". Then wait for them to break NC, or contact them once your not so totally desperate for them anymore, and try and also accept they may or may not come back. Im sure many have come to exactly the same conclusion, but havent really accepted it. But its the same message repeated over and over and over again, in one form or another. Ive now (finally!?) believe it is really the "only" proper option. Obviously there are minor differences if you caused the breakup (as it was in my case) so an apology is needed somewhere, but in essence i believe the principle is still the same. Its the hardest thing in the world to do, but if your ex means that much to you, you need to ask yourself - are you willing to do anything to help get back with them? Then do the hardest thing...and not contact them (for a good while at least). I can now see why all those many experienced posters kept going on about it, in most situations its probably the only thing that will help "increase the chances" of reconcilation. Paitence is needed, it's as simple as that. People (especially exe's) will always want what the cant have. Always remember this. (In fact we all remember how much more desperately we wanted them when they rejected us!) And as many other posters have also said, their curiousty and interest in you has to increase before absolutely anything can happen. And this really can only happen with some prolonged period of NC. The most important lesson in life is i believe is to learn from other peoples mistakes, and many of us on have made these mistakes for you, you just need to take the lessons away with you. And trying to avoid these "simple" mistakes can help greatly. I've very regretably learned the hard way and I feel like i've become one of those dissolusioned memebers now! To avoid this happening to you, please please please listen and try & follow the advice given, even its harsh and not what you want to hear. HC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.