jbug Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 i have not reached out to my ex because she said she needs time. in the past she has told me that i do not even give her a chance to reach out to me. i know she will eventually call or see me at work. i want very badly to get back. so i should i act when i see her or get a call?? please help. thanks Link to comment
Ac0rn Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 If she said she needs time, then give her that time. No need to contact her, especially if you are the dumpee. It will just show her that you are still available to her in the end when she's done going through whatever she is dealing with. If she really wants to talk to you, she will reach out herself. If her pride prevents her from doing so, then she isn't worth it. Link to comment
jbug Posted November 7, 2011 Author Share Posted November 7, 2011 but when she reaches out how should i handle it if i want to work things out? Link to comment
Ac0rn Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 Don't bring up the relationship or getting back together at all. Don't talk for too long, especially if it sounds like she's starting to play with you. That means you can't fall for any breadcrumbs she throws your way to find out if she's still able to string you along with her as a safety net. Relax and be nonchalant. You have to control your emotions at this point. Link to comment
DN Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 I know you want to get back together but you should really handle this in a completely different way. Assume the relationship is over, begin the moving on process and go no contact. if and when she does contact you consider carefully what you want to do then - it may be that time apart to reflect will mean you actually don't want her back. And if she does contact you make sure it is not some way of keeping you from moving on while she continues to prevaricate. Link to comment
jbug Posted November 7, 2011 Author Share Posted November 7, 2011 thanks for the advice. Link to comment
CookieMonster8 Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 If she said she needs time, then give her that time. No need to contact her, especially if you are the dumpee. It will just show her that you are still available to her in the end when she's done going through whatever she is dealing with. If she really wants to talk to you, she will reach out herself. If her pride prevents her from doing so, then she isn't worth it. I agreed with this. If she needs space respect that. I broke up with my fiance and told him I needed space and he continued to call me and pester me and it only reconfirmed more and more that he didn't respect my feelings or space and permanently ruined any chance of us getting back together. Link to comment
jbug Posted November 7, 2011 Author Share Posted November 7, 2011 cookie,for how long after the request of space did he continue to pester? i let her be when she asked for a break/space. she called me 2 days later. thats when i started with the, "let me make things right. i love you." i sent flowers. she said prove it, that those were only words. so i did beg for a day or two. Link to comment
CookieMonster8 Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 For months. I had to delete him from facebook and start ignoring his calls and texts completely. I had to tell him several times we weren't getting back together and that it wasn't healthy for us to be friends. It always went through one ear and out the other. But let's get this straight. She says she needs space and then several days calls you back and then shortly after requests space again? Makes no sense. If she is reaching out to her ask her what she wants flat out because she is sending you mixed signals. Link to comment
sonypirates Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 This is just my personal input on gifts and affection. Let me just say that flowers are nice but they're what almost every man does to show affection. Sending flowers generally entails logging onto a website, picking what you want, and then giving information, it's very impersonal and doesn't require a lot of thought or work. I personally do stuff on top of flowers in situations where I really want to woo my girl. Think outside the box and do something that she wouldn't expect, something that will affect her friends cause it's so romantic. Side rant over. Did she bring up the relationship when she called 2 days later? Begging isn't showing someone you love them. What did your begging involve? Link to comment
jbug Posted November 7, 2011 Author Share Posted November 7, 2011 cookie, she said she didnt want to talk relationship. wanted to keep things light. she knows were i stand and that i want to be with her. i fell off somewhere during the 13 months. stopped going to the gym, became a bit needy, depressed. and to top it off i lied and told her that i didnt drink when i did. i came clean a day later when she asked again. she wants me to get my s*** together. Link to comment
CookieMonster8 Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 She can't have both..space and then friendship. Makes no sense. If she wants to be friends ONLY she is going to have to wait for YOU to be completely over her before you can talk casually. Even then it's nearly impossible to remain friends with an ex as hard as it sounds. Does that help at all? Link to comment
jbug Posted November 7, 2011 Author Share Posted November 7, 2011 i gave her the space/time/break she asked for. 2 days later she called, i think it was just to make sure i was still alive. i played it really cool. the following day i started in with the "i love you, let me make things right" i sent flowers. she said that those were words and to prove it. i fell off somewhere in the 13 months together. i stopped going to the gym, fell into a depresstion. then i lied and told her i didnt drink when i did. drinking is not a problem with me but i told her i was not gonna drink anymore and didnt want to disapoint her. 3 months ago i had a few to many and was sloppy. Link to comment
CookieMonster8 Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 You can't start your relationship back up if your gonna start it with lies like that. You're drinking is enough of a problem to bug her and if your lying about it that's a problem. I say take care of yourself for now and if you're meant to get back together you will. But be honest moving forward. If there is no trust in a relationship than you might as well be single. Good luck. Link to comment
jbug Posted November 7, 2011 Author Share Posted November 7, 2011 can anyone else chime in? thanks Link to comment
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