How to get over these feelings for a crush, who's also taken?

[musicinmadison]

Straight off the bat, I'm currently in a weird position and I'd like to hear everyone's opinion on it.

 

The story isn't super complicated, and I'll (try to) write in semi-chronological order:

 

I just graduated from college this past spring, and now I'm in grad school to continue to pursue my studies in piano performance. At orientation, I sat next to a guy who first introduced himself as (let's just say "Greg"). It was a cordial introduction and we kind of talked for quite a bit of music, and why we chose to attend grad school. Overall he made a good impression on me, and I felt attracted to his spontaneous and easy-going personality.

 

After orientation was over, we parted ways, and really didn't talk until next week when we bumped into each other again. And when we bumped (which then became quite a common occurrence), we always exchanged words (and just kind of had fun!) for a few minutes and then we parted ways again. And somehow, I always felt a strong connection between the two of us when we met, and it was definitely a good feeling.

 

Anywho, 3 or 4 weeks into the first semester, we bumped again, and somehow we brought up the conversation about housing. I told him about the apartment I'm renting for cheap this year. And somehow, he brought up the idea of the both of us sharing an apartment together. I was very surprised because even though we occasionally bumped and talked, I felt I barely knew him as a person. I was like, "Are you serious?" And he nodded.

 

I gave the idea the green light mostly because sharing an apartment is considerably cheaper, but partly because I liked him.

 

Later, we bumped again, and he asked me if I could accompany him on the piano for a music competition that would take place in a few weeks. Naturally, I said, "Yes!" During the time we collaborated together, I got to know more about him. We then played at the competition--he didn't win unfortunately, but we had a good time and we played well. As a sign of gratitude, he would take me out to dinner at a restaurant of my choice.

 

Dinner! Why would I reject such delicious offer?

 

Fast forward a couple of days, we went out to dinner at a fancy restaurant (slightly higher end; I picked the place just because I heard good things about it!). And I had a great time with him! We talked pretty much non-stop about music our lives, our future, and everything else under the sun. And somehow we segued to the topic of boyfriends. He brought up the story of how he's currently in a long-distance relationship with someone back in his home state (which is only a state away from here).

 

But I wasn't crushed at all when he brought that up. I did feel a tiny bit of disappointment, but at the same time I was happy for the both of them--and I even toasted to that. I told him how I recently got out of a relationship months ago, and he seemed to sympathize well with that.

 

But overall, it was a great dinner (and I got really drunk by the bottle of wine, but hopefully that didn't faze him), and I honestly had a very good time with him. After dinner, we decided to walk around downtown for about 15 minutes, just talking and enjoying the cool fall weather.

 

Anyway, since then, we became a bit closer. Every time I was at my usual spot in the lounge, he would always come up to me and start a conversation. And it always made me feel happy inside. This past Friday, we bumped and he asked me to see a Saturday concert with him (he had an extra ticket). It's kind of funny because I was also planning to ask him if he'd be interested to see the same concert with me, but I backed away from the idea because I was too timid.

 

And yeah, we went to concert last night and I had a really good time. It also felt a bit weird because it almost seemed like a date (but I tried not to think too much), and that's probably not his intention--I don't know for sure. After the concert, he offered me a ride home. That was a very nice gesture that he made! I wasn't expecting that at all, even from a normal friend.

 

And that's our history so far.

 

I know it's long, but I have some thoughts that keep recurring in my head:

 

1) It's pretty strange that he would want to share an apartment with me, even though at the time, we barely knew each other.

2) I'm emotionally attracted to him, but given the current circumstance, it just wouldn't work.

3) I'm attracted to him, and we're planning to live under the same roof; this is scary as crap.

4) I can't tell if he's being nice in general, or if there's something more to that (but this just might be me thinking too much).

5) Why me? I really think I'm a boring/uninteresting person--and both of us are like heaven and earth. He's very attractive, very outgoing, dresses up very nicely, very responsible, and very passionate about what he does. I'm like: I do things half-assedly, pretty introverted, still dress up like a high-schooler, etc.

 

Ok, I'm done talking. I just want to hear your opinions

[woodsrose10]

It sounds like he's excited about making a new friend (you). Perhaps he doesn't have a lot of close friends, and when you & him clicked, that really excited him and he thought, "Nice, a new friend I can hang out with! Living together would be fun & cheap, too."

[WhenWillILove]

Yeah but I still believe there's attraction between the two of you.

[musicinmadison]

It sounds like he's excited about making a new friend (you). Perhaps he doesn't have a lot of close friends, and when you & him clicked, that really excited him and he thought, "Nice, a new friend I can hang out with! Living together would be fun & cheap, too."

 

I hope he was excited! And you're probably right that he might not have a lot of close friends (since both of us are still new to the area), but with his outgoing and pleasant personality, I imagine it would be very easy for him to make friends. I still think the whole "Let's live together even if I barely know you" is a bit strange.

[musicinmadison]

Yeah but I still believe there's attraction between the two of you.

 

Do you think so? Given he's in a (long-distance) relationship with someone I don't know, it makes everything messy.

 

I'm attracted to him, but I honestly can't tell what's going on in his mind. And on that note, I'm extremely bad at reading body language and people's faces. There was one guy back in college who was interested in me since freshman year, but I didn't realize it until he admitted to it right before he graduated.

[musicinmadison]

Just to update on the current situation:

 

We're still close. Each time I'm sitting by myself in the lounge, he would always take the time to sit next to me and talk (and just out of nowhere). But yesterday really hit me. I realized I became very infatuated with him, and I knew it was a very dangerous feeling (because I can't have him!). I decided to maintain some space (i.e. not sit in the lounge, and do my own thing and keep myself busy), and to humanize him (as in, not overlooking his flaws, etc).

 

I know this whole infatuation thing sounds really silly and high-school-y, but this can happen to anyone.

 

Anyway, that aside, I bumped into him again a few hours ago. I brought up the topic of finding apartments for next fall because it's currently apartment-hunting season and I don't want to get the short end of the stick. And LOL, he was like, "Oh yeah, you should come visit my apartment to figure out apartments." And I was like, "Huh? Why do I need to come to your apartment..." in my head. But I told him, "Sure!"

 

We'll see what happens next.

[Kyokyo]

Good luck with your situation! I hope everything works out. He's probably excited that you and him became friends. I know what it's like to go to a new place and to be excited that someone's actually nice enough to talk to. If you really want to get over him, try to keep yourself busy. That's what I do whenever I'm faced with a problem. I do the things I enjoy, such as drawing or playing music. I think it's great what you said, though. That you're not going to overlook his flaws. However, be careful with that. Noticing a person's flaws can actually make you like them more. Just think of him as only a friend. Again, good luck! =D

[musicinmadison]

Good luck with your situation! I hope everything works out. He's probably excited that you and him became friends. I know what it's like to go to a new place and to be excited that someone's actually nice enough to talk to. If you really want to get over him, try to keep yourself busy. That's what I do whenever I'm faced with a problem. I do the things I enjoy, such as drawing or playing music. I think it's great what you said, though. That you're not going to overlook his flaws. However, be careful with that. Noticing a person's flaws can actually make you like them more. Just think of him as only a friend. Again, good luck! =D

 

Thanks! I have been keeping myself busy (maybe a bit too busy--I feel I'm lagging behind my studies!). I went to a gay club with 10+ friends last Thursday (just to dance and have fun--not to check out guys or anything like that), and just last night went to see Punch Brothers live and it was absolutely delightful! Now that I kept myself busy, I realized how I haven't talked to Greg for almost a week--which is fine I guess. I was able to use the time to reevaluate myself and my feelings, and I'm seeing him more and more as a friend than anything else.

 

Yay to will power!

[musicinmadison]

It's me again.

 

Just a quick update on what's happening so far.

 

We're still close friends, but last night was just odd. Greg invited me to hang out with him and his two friends for drinks, and I gladly accepted the invitation. I met up with them and got to know his friends, who are really awesome and very welcoming. But somehow Greg wasn't really talking to me the whole night--as in, he pretty much ignored me/pretended I was not there half of the time, and he would just talk to his friends. I was really confused at first. I tried to talk to him and be included in the conversation, and he would respond to me, but he would then just switch the topic and talk to his friends instead. I kept thinking to myself, "Wow, you're a !" So I just talked to one of his friends as he talked to another. In retrospect, this story sounds really, really high school-y, and it really didn't have to be that way.

 

So I'm just wondering:

Why on earth would he ignore me like that when he was the one who invited me to hang out?

 

Right now I'm still confused and a bit frustrated. I just feel I lost some respect for him.