elusivefox1 Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 I was seeing this guy. We met in April, but just really started seeing each other a lot since August. Suddenly two weeks ago, he just quits talking to me. So I've been sitting here for two weeks feeling like a total * * * * * * * wondering what i did wrong. Finally, I just got it over with and talked to him. I just told him that i at least deserved to know what went wrong. His reply. Age issues. He's at a point in his life where he wants things to come together. He has his career and he wants a wife and kids like now. As soon as i graduate college, I don't know what I"ll do. But he's stuck here. He thinks that we're both just headed in two different directions. Ok, so thats understandable. I just have this problem with it. If i've been in his life this long, for what reason? I feel like he wasted my time. But I'm more mad at the fact that I feel like he did all this without discussing it with me. I care so much about him, possibly even love him. i'll admit that I am a bit on the wild side, and in the past, I've had some rough times. I had problems with fidelity. But have you ever met that one person who makes you want to be a better person? They help you see the good in you and you start seeing things differently. You look at this person and its with nothing but admiration. Its like they fill you with so much happiness, you're just smiling all the time. When you talk to them, you have the greatest conversations ever and you wonder how you didn't find this person sooner. I wanted to be with hm. I was willing to make a sacrifice for him. I know what his situation is, and I know that I don't necessarily know where he's coming from, but I would try to understand. I was the one who was supporting him and pushing him. I guess what I'm trying to say is, why can't i be potential for his wife? I'm young I know, but I would gladly be there for him everyday, if he would let me. I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing next, but I was fine as long as I had him. Why am I such a lost cause? Why didn't he ask me? I'm right here. Any thoughts? Link to comment
Snowy Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Maybe you can forgive him and tell him you're willing to be his wife? Link to comment
Lithp Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 No one here can give you that answer. He told you that you're young and that he wants to settle down...like, now. It's possible he just didn't see that with you, and that doesn't make him a bad guy and it certainly doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. Maybe you felt more towards him than he did towards you, but if he is serious about wanting a wife and children, he's going to be looking for certain things that maybe you aren't capable of giving right now. Just move on and stop torturing yourself with those questions. You tried, it didn't work, there's not much to do about it now. Link to comment
Xylitol Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 If you want to keep a guy in your life you will have to do continues effort for your relationship to hold ground. You will have to show him you are serious about it, and are thinking long term. Link to comment
elusivefox1 Posted November 3, 2011 Author Share Posted November 3, 2011 He said that he always thought I wasn't serious about him. When i told him that I was, he was just like, well i didn't know. I mean, I still feel like it's unresolved and I wasn't in the best state to talk about that stuff last nite. I don't want to push him anymore, but I don't want to lose him. Link to comment
Lithp Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 He said that he always thought I wasn't serious about him. When i told him that I was, he was just like, well i didn't know. I mean, I still feel like it's unresolved and I wasn't in the best state to talk about that stuff last nite. I don't want to push him anymore, but I don't want to lose him. Which is probably a big part of the problem - he wanted to see that you were serious and committed about him and when he felt that you weren't, he decided you weren't ready for marriage, which is what he is looking for. Telling him this after the fact may not work as he knows what he wants and he knows what he wasn't getting from you. It's unfortunate but at least he isn't stringing you along - he knows he wants marriage and children, he saw that the relationship wasn't heading that way, so he is moving on and you know where you stand. Link to comment
elusivefox1 Posted November 4, 2011 Author Share Posted November 4, 2011 is it possible to change his mind? I mean, i really want this to work. I just felt like I wasnt getting what I wanted from him either because he's so focused on his work, and he didn't focus on me because he thought I wasn't serious. I feel like our whole relationship has been one big misunderstanding or miscommunication, but I'm serious about him and I want it to work. Would it be too much if i tried talking to him about it again, or the fact that he just quit the only sign i need? This hurts so much. I thought he was serious about me. I wish that i never met him. Link to comment
Lithp Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 is it possible to change his mind? I mean, i really want this to work. I just felt like I wasnt getting what I wanted from him either because he's so focused on his work, and he didn't focus on me because he thought I wasn't serious. I feel like our whole relationship has been one big misunderstanding or miscommunication, but I'm serious about him and I want it to work. Would it be too much if i tried talking to him about it again, or the fact that he just quit the only sign i need? This hurts so much. I thought he was serious about me. I wish that i never met him. So then tell him what you just said - you were serious about him, but felt that he wasn't focused on you either because of his work, and you felt that you should behave accordingly. You don't have anything to lose by trying as the relationship is already over, so the worst he can say is no. Best case scenario is he understands and agrees to give things another shot, so maybe give it a go. Are you sure that you're ready to commit the way he is asking you to? If he said that he would be willing to try again, are you that serious about him that you'd be able to start planning for marriage and children in the near future with this guy? I would really think about this before you potentially end up in that situation - obviously I wasn't part of your relationship so I don't know the extent of things, but you guys were together for a couple months, and have only even known each other for 7. He knows what he is looking for and decided that you weren't it, while you are suddenly thinking that you could change everything around for this man after it's already over. I would really think this through before you attempt to reconcile with him. Link to comment
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