jumper11 Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 So I've gone through what everyone's going through, ex came back and came to my door but I was seeing somebody, and more or less needed time since I was hurt so bad and waited so long for him. He had broken up with me and it was a 5 year relationship. Fast forward 3 or so months from then and I'm back and we've been talking/etc. for 4 months since and we are everything now except official. He has a lot of family problems so its delayed us actually being official, and it also attributed to him leaving me (I mean huge problems, like homeless problems, mental illness, etc.) and also I think there's a part of him having a hard time dealing that I dated somebody. He was seeing someone at some point but it never went beyond that. I know he needs time to fix the problems. He doesn't want to come back with the same problems he left me with. Though a few months ago he came back but he thought the problems were almost gone. I just need some advice I guess. I'm in a weird place where we are getting back together but just don't have the title yet. And no, we aren't just friends. But if I explained my whole story it'd be an essay. Reconciliation doesn't just happen like that so no, he is not using me. I just need help when and how to back off, when we are at the stage where he is telling me how much he loves me, and telling me we're gradually becoming more, etc. I've never gone through reconciliation before, so I'm looking for help from those who have. This is not a breakup, we are getting back together so this is not a matter of NC this, etc. Been there done that, now I'm here. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 I feel like I need specifics. What exactly is he trying to fix? Link to comment
jumper11 Posted November 1, 2011 Author Share Posted November 1, 2011 I've lived with them and the problems in the past. There's more to the story but I don't feel comfortable posting it online Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 Depending on the severity of the situation still on hand for him, do you think you two getting back together is going to necessarily help his situation any? For that matter do you think it's worth it for you to get dragged back (inevitably) into it again? If it helps for you to give the rest of the story...here's a bunny. Cant say no to a bunny. image removed Link to comment
jumper11 Posted November 1, 2011 Author Share Posted November 1, 2011 Lol thanks for the bunny. I can't post it online, sorry! Any ideas in a typical reconciliation how far to act? Sometimes I reveal too much I dont know if that's right? He's professing all these feelings and telling his family he loves me.. sigh. I hate that I got here, and these family issues are the roadblock. I'm fine going slow but can't go another 4 mths being what I am to him. Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 I'm fine going slow but can't go another 4 mths being what I am to him. Can you elaborate a little on that? What exactly do you feel you are to him? A leaning post? Or are you saying that you mean too much to him? Link to comment
jumper11 Posted November 1, 2011 Author Share Posted November 1, 2011 Yeah, I am not a leaning post, I just feel like Ive gotten here, where everyone wishes to be, and I'm in a standstill. I feel emotionally between us things have improved and good, but in order for me to really put in, and emotionally dive in I'd like to be committed first. This whole thing, is hard at times. Reconciliation = reopening feelings you pushed aside through that time of Nc.. I guess in some way I feel pushed aside and resentful slightly, I lived with his family and felt like if they had a problem I was second rate, and evidently got dumped. And again, waiting for the problems to subside, and who's to say they will. Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 So be patient, even if it takes months. There's no rush getting back into anything and don't force it either. Recon is a process that is best handed with a light touch, not a hammer blow. As you said it's going to take a long time to reopen yourself to risking that pain again. Make sure you're ready for it before committing to anything. Link to comment
hopelost Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 and also I think there's a part of him having a hard time dealing that I dated somebody. Speaking from past experience (not with my current ex now, but years ago), I reconciled with an ex who had been with someone else during our break. I can tell you that the thought of her being with someone else ate at me. It might be a guy thing, who knows, but guys seem to have much more trouble with this. I think it adds another level of resentment on top of all the other issues that must be addressed in order to make a reconciliation a success. I could use some insight on this as I could be in this same boat. I think the likelihood of my ex being with someone else is high, and I just don't know how I would erase that image if we ever reconcile. Link to comment
jumper11 Posted November 1, 2011 Author Share Posted November 1, 2011 Thanks a lot everyone, Ill keep hanging in there. Link to comment
AngelAmber Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 It seems like your doing things right, well done! so try not to overthink it and definatly allow more time and space than u think u should, it will make him enjoy ur company more and talks more etc if u give him enough thinking space too the only thing u have to go on it what he is telling you, he says its growing gradually,great and he says he loves u again awesome! just go with it as much as u can try not to think about a lable Link to comment
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