au courant

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I think this will be my new journal for keep tracking of new things that I try in my life

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so I've decided to stop eating sugar--this is definitely a temporary thing. I'm not sure how long I plan to stick to this, I just feel the need to recalibrate and exercise my will power a bit.

I also really want to see if it makes a difference in how I look! since my diet is so unhealthy right now I'll really be able to see the difference if there is one.

 

I have a massive to do list in my head but I want to tackle it one by one

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trying to plan my trips in december-

going have breakfast now--made it through the first day lol, it's going to be hard not being able to make certain things but that's OK

left my camera's charger in the hotel--which is really annoying, I'm not sure how to replace it

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this is totally random but speaking of starchy foods I should be avoiding, I recently read that the word corn used to refer to wheat and grains--and it wasn't until the US was colonized that corn came to refer to the corn we eat today. And cookie is Dutch! and those trademark american pastimes like barbeque and rodeo are Spanish--which I guess isn't really a surprise but there was a lot in there that I found really interesting--like the tendency to use nouns as verbs ie. interview etc.

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finally a sense of calm is permeating me--I kept bargaining with myself--if I can just keep a little piece of ______, then I'll endure the suffering. I let go and now I feel so light and excited about life again. I made it!!

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actually--in keeping with this theme--trying new things--I totally don't have a type anymore! I consider this a great success--bah--I used only like dark haired guys who looked a certain way, with a certain build, etc, but now I like all kinds of guys even if I don't think I'll ever end up marrying a swedish dude. I guess I used to be a lot more uptight. that's another thing I want to work on--not being so uptight.

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I was looking at an old link I had saved on Salon and I found some very comforting words of advice:

 

Dear Lost,

 

Your task is not to find a path, but to study the one you’re on.

 

Describe the path you have taken thus far. Describe it fully. Tell your story. That doesn’t mean characterizing it but actually telling it, telling the tale. If you do this, if you narrate what has brought you to here, then you will have your path. You will have your path up to this point and then it will be clear what direction the path points. You will know what path you are on.

 

When seen in this light, many of the decisions you made will make sense. They met your needs. It’s just that the needs they met are unspoken ones. For instance, you may have a need to study many things at once. Such a need may be at odds with what institutions expect. You may also have a need to escape from the roles that the institution is offering you. You may have a need to sort of screw things up in order to gain some operating room. You may feel boxed in. That doesn’t necessarily mean you’re making terrible decisions. It means you are making decisions to meet your needs, some of which are hidden, perhaps even hidden from you.

 

If you are not fully conscious of what your needs are and how you are meeting them, then it may indeed appear that you are making crazy, baffling decisions. So it’s necessary to admit that certain shadowy figures are at work. It’s necessary to acknowledge the importance of the irrational in decision-making. We do not always know what we want, but if given the chance to get it, we will make the decisions that get us what we want. What we want may be destructive. That doesn’t mean we don’t want it. It means that we don’t admit that we want it. What we want may not look like success. That doesn’t mean we’re accidentally failing. We may be trying to escape a system that denies our true self. The system of conventional success, for instance, requires that we routinely disguise and suppress our true selves. So when we “fail,” we are sometimes saving ourselves.

 

Your only path is the one you’ve been on. So turn around and go back down the path and spend some time on it, trying to understand it. Backtrack. What kind of path is your path, this path you’ve been on? What are its features? Where does it diverge? Where does it merge with other paths? What does it connect to? Does it run through the woods or through a meadow or along the sea, or on a highway, or a city street? Where have you taken detours to examine attractive distractions? Those distractions may turn out to be your true loves. Those things that we just cannot stop looking at, those things may be what we are actually seeking without meaning to or admitting it.

 

Here is something else you said that seems like a clue to how you have been thinking: “Make the right choice and live a happy life, passionate about my career. Make the wrong choice, and a life of regret, or poverty or banality.”

 

I suggest you consider the nature of choice. Also, ask yourself, “How does one navigate a world of seemingly infinite alternatives?” Finally, consider the dangers of having too many choices.

 

These Web pages present nice ideas. But what you really need is an experience.

 

So my wish for you is that you leap into a realm where attention is riveted only on what is present, in which each thing is nothing but itself, in which an intuition bigger than words takes over and you know for an instant that “choice” has no meaning apart from action. The deeper we explore the word “choice,” the more we plumb, the more we see that life is nothing but a series of actions.

 

We can make decision trees all day long but at some point we must surrender to action and the rich wonder of fate. We must get in the river. Here is what happens when we get in the river: We become concerned with swimming.

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made some plans for day trips next week to get to know my area better--I'm hoping to see a different side of this country that I can appreciate

I'm kind of excited--this is something new--

 

now I'd like to find a way to take that advice to heart--start swimming-as he put it. I am realizing though, that as I become more comfortable with who I am, the once infinite choices I thought I could be making aren't so infinite after all.

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link removed Some ideas for the weekend!

 

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I feel like I should have a separate journal for each hobby though...I don't like having all of them together like this. Thinking about blogging instead and using this thread for thoughts only

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and I want to think of a Halloween costume

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went shopping today for some really cute new clothes--inexpensive too. On the way out I peeped into another shop next door and ended up with another coat though--that looks really similar to the one I had bought at the other shop. Unfortunately this country doesn't really do returns, and I felt a bit apprehensive about asking for one since I don't really know how that works. Oh well--one's long, and the other one is short, and one is more heavy duty than the other--maybe they are not so similar after all. It's the just the color that is somewhat similar I guess.

 

Anyway--I'm really looking forward to this weekend! I want to make the most of it.

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at that age where I feel like I should be wearing more age appropriate clothing---

 

it's kind of sad in a way! I enjoy having fun with clothes and I feel like I have to look professional all the time now. blah what to do. Maybe I'm over thinking it, I'm always 10 steps ahead and I always end up dwelling on things that aren't that important!

 

that being said, I still think I need to update my work wardrobe a bit--I have a hard time dressing stylishly but conservatively. So I think I should work on that--instead of heading into overly mature territory--which I always end up doing.

 

Sooo I've been trying to find some inspiration for that. I'm adding more color into my work wardrobe, as well as some eye catching accessories.

[meoww]

I posted a link for the cookies when I can't eat them myself--big lolz

This is like the time I tried to be a vegetarian...

 

It's never a conscious thing either--I genuinely forget! Oh well, I did say it was temporary. There are so many other challenges I could take on in the kitchen! I'll think of something else

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Ugh a very general rant about the disgraceful fragmentation of American society--I hate how vultures on either side of the political spectrum enjoy conflict and pointing fingers so much that it has become what politics means in America. And we all lose because of this--I thought we were supposed to be past all this all or nothing thinking--I'm so glad I got out of there to regain a bit of my integrity. I believe in us though--I think all we need are a few truly rational and charismatic leaders that can actually restore a bit of decency to the political process. It really seems like to be heard in America you have be somewhat insane--I wish things were different. Governance is already complicated without propaganda and corruption. I think it is partially attributed to our economic system that favors viciousness by proxy--it's sad that loyalties are so cheap in the world.

the principle of caring least seems to apply in areas of life--whether it's romance or politics--I wish there was a way to get rid of these antisocial people--why do they have to make it so hard for the rest of us to truly be at peace?

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finally learning how to shape my nails :saturn:

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my pep talk to myself: no point in mourning the loss of something you never had!!

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for the first time in my life this quote is starting to make sense to me:

 

"Respect the delicate ecology of your delusions."

 

I always thought it was one of those throw away lines--but I get it now that I'm realizing how hard it is to overcome real delusions--that's what makes them delusions in the first place.

I should also apply this newfound understanding to my dealings with other people--we all have different delusions to overcome.

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speaking of that, Gaddifi is a jew? an twist I wasn't aware of. and his wife is possibly Bosnian. This seems to be the year of musical chairs with ethnicity and nationality

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this is becoming a really pointless journal--trying new things--is what I'm supposed to be writing about!

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so looking forward to the little hike tomorrow--our guide is going to cook us a meal in the mountains!! yum

now I just hope it doesn't rain

 

and the hotel sent me my charger which is also great

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so happy today--yesterday I was thrown off by _____ not following my requests while I was out, but today was just full of hope and promise again.

plus my fav season has definitely arrived. Magical hike in the cedar forests/highlands scaling the perimeter of the western mountains. Pretty windy up there but the ground was SO soft, there was no harsh impact at all.

hmmm harvest--I have a feeling this winter/fall/upcoming year is going to be exhilarating!

 

I feel so much MUCH happier than when I was dating _______. It's so different. I don't feel constantly self hating and self punishing. Going at things at my own pace, doing what I have to do, making sacrifices, and tuning out hateful people. This is what I've wanted for so long.

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haha after all that I have to say one thing I was annoyed by: all the back pedaling by certain types on recent domestic affairs--well not local to me, but to my heart. It's crazy how we lie to ourselves just so that we don't have to admit that we made a mistake. This sounds so vague--but it's just a note to myself--to remember not to be awed/swayed or otherwise persuaded by well meaning but ultimately self interested folks.

 

that is another thing about the good ol' usa that I don't miss. People of all stripes unable to be humbled by their errors in judgment--and instead providing some fancy ass rhetoric to explain why they 'changed' their minds.

 

But maybe it's my irrational side taking over again---maybe I what I call smarmy rhetoric is actually rationality at it's finest--hair splitting even the finest strands of action. I guess that's the only way to live a meaningful life. Ugh--got me again.

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Weekend's here again--the weeks go by so fast now. I swear the last year felt like 5. but now--it's like the sand's running out and I was just googling that actually, lol

 

In the case of a liquid, the rate of discharge depends on the pressure at the aperture which is determined by the height of the liquid above. But things are different in granular media. In 1895, a German engineer called Janssen discovered that the pressure at the bottom of a container of granules does not depend on the height of the grains above. He reasoned that the grains form chains and bridges that transmit their weight to the side of the container where they are supported by friction. So the pressure increases asymptotically with depth up to a threshold.

 

In fact, if the height of the granules is twice that of the width of the container, the pressure at the bottom is effectively constant. It is this constant bottom pressure that Janssen and others have always assumed determines the mass flow out of the aperture in an hourglass.

 

Not so, say Maria Aguirre at the University of Buenos Aires in Argentina and a few friends who have carried out an experiment to test this idea.

 

Their idea is to take gravity out of the equation by placing the granules, or in this case small discs, on a conveyor belt which carries them through an aperture (see diagram above). This allows them to alter the exit velocity of the discs through the aperture by changing the speed of the belt.

 

The results throw up a surprise: they show that with the same bottom pressure it is possible to get different flow rates simply by changing the speed of the conveyor belt. That means it is the speed of the discs that determine the flow rate, not the bottom pressure.

 

That's a subtle but important result. Janssen's effect has been studied in detail for more than 50 years without anybody questioning the thinking behind it.

 

And it could have interesting practical applications. The new work suggests that it ought to be possible to increase the flow of particles through an aperture by increasing their velocity through it. That could be done with electric fields, for example, or with solid or liquid conveyor belts like the ones used by the Argentinian team.

 

That should be useful in the numerous industries where particles have to be mixed together in a repeatable way, such as the food, drug and construction industries.

 

But for those worried about soft boiled eggs, it shouldn't effect the flow of sand through an hourglass.

 

link removed

 

I'm super sleepy and ready to crash. but I want to do something first---I'm in too good of a mood to waste it on sleep right now

[meoww]

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Wow--speaking of back pedaling--I'm so glad this doesn't have to be a concern of mine. I rocked the nineties as little kid. dailymail has been my guilty pleasure lately oh god--what is my problem? I found this stuff weirdly comforting.

 

I'm not sure what I'll be saying about my own style in 30 years actually--what a thought! link removed I wonder if this is lame or not--a palo alto non profit think tank called institute for the future. I was trying to find a viable link to the fashion forecast for the next 50 years. They also made a game called superstruct--but it's no longer live--it sounded fun though.