why do i keep doing this?

[Mix Maxster]

Hey all,

 

Haven't posted in a while. Well at least I don't think it was for anything related to getting back with my ex anyways as I've moved on to greener pastures. Anyways just as an update on things with my ex ironically enough, we recently got back in contact by my initiation and to say the least she hasn't been all adament on it OR it's just very hard for her to get back on to talking again after everything.

 

Anyways to get to the subject heading, I was talking to her tonight and I said something really stupid to her and well she got offended and gave me a warning (thankfully) that I shouldn't have said what I said. I apologized and all but can't help but think that I've put myself in a "I own you" position. I mean when I just kind of see how much her attitude has changed she's gone from kind of just not saying anything to "I don't give a f***" and I get this funny feeling from her that she thinks I want her in my life and so SHE makes the rules in a sense. Like one false move and it's game over for me and that she knows this so she's holding all the cards. Once again it could entirely be different from that, but one thing I want to know is why I feel I have to make it up to her at all when clearly she could give a crap less. I honestly thought this friendship could work but the more I see it the more I realize that she just wouldn't care if I was her friend or not and the more evident it becomes that she has me on a leash each time I try to pursue it. I know it's best to STOP going after it and so I shall I just wonder sometimes why I bother trying at all.

 

There's no hope for me in ANY respect and this just really opened my eyes tonight why you can't do anything to get back with the ex NOR can you go on to live out a normal friendship, it just doesn't happen. I guess it's back to ignoring each other for good this time. Thankfully I'm still adament on going after other girls but now I don't even want to go back as friends.

 

Has anyone else dealt with something like this before? Does anyone else find any hope in this? or do u think I'm on the right track by just forgetting about everything her completely?

[Tolly]

Im dealing with exactly the same thing myself now and I have no idea what to do about it other than show her she isnt important to me anymore. She has to initiate conversation and I just reply to her questions. I dont ask about her and let her do the work. She knows, or knew, that I needed her more than she needed me and she milked it in the past. It was friendship on her terms (and still is in her mind). I ignored her for a long time, but recently she has come over to me and initiated chat. The first few time it was just 'hello' and i'd reply 'hi'. that was the sort of thing. But I think she has got her confidence back now and the last time she come over she wanted to talk loads, even mentioning the love letters I had written her a year ago. It was almost like she wanted me to show her that I was keen whilst not wanting me back.

 

Very annoying I can tell you

[shockeddismayed]

Hey Mix,

 

I've been following your story for a while.

 

I agree with you... if she isn't putting in any effort, it can never be a true friendship. Any healthy relationship, friendship or otherwise requires mutual respect. If she isn't giving any respect to you, than you need to get it from yourself. You can do that by no longer putting yourself in a position of weakness with someone who doesn't appreciate (at the moment) who you are.

 

Be strong.... you are a great and caring guy. There are ka-jillions of people out there who would be looking for friendship with kind people like you.

 

Don't sweat your ex anymore.

[JT]

Well the best way to show that she is'nt important to you is to simply not talk to her. You can spite her or get the last word in if ya want.. but that may only make her more vindictive in the long run. Trust me, I took that route.

 

Most people on here want to know that the ex still cares about them, so any ill fated attempt to make contact via birthday cards or some other BS like that just to get a rise out of the other person is plain stupid. You can go on playing these dumb games, or you can simply say the hell with you and move on with yourself. In rare occasions perhaps you can be friends with the ex, as long as you dont jeopardize your self esteem in the process... that is key. If your upset and the ex knows that their ego feeds off of that. Sounds rather sick, but really thats what it's all about. Most people dont want to admit that but that's what it is... an ego trip. What you wanna do is direct your ego seeking power in another direction. For example.. finding another woman, lifting weights, doing better at your job. All of these things will boost your ego... and nothing but good things will come about.

 

Remember what I said about the ego thing.. its really what all this sick twisted stuff is all about.

 

1. Stop focusing on what they are thinking and ways to get rises out of them.

2. Dont do what I did and get back into drugs.

3. Focus on what you like to do, be bad for awhile (no drugs tho!!)

4. When your ready to meet someone better then your ex.. you'll have experience to know what your looking for.

[Mix Maxster]

It's funny, you'd think that this is honestly the way it has to be because everytime I find myself trying to go after my ex or try to do something to get her back it's like something just slaps me in the face and goes "no dice" or something. Like it's practically done on purpose for me to get my act together.

 

Great thing is I was just in the friendship to kind of find out why she REALLY dumped me instead of that bs she fed... she just kept saying "oh it's for the right reasons... I don't love you anymore" and she never said what those reasons were, I was hoping I could find out, but now I don't care anymore. It's good to be back As I kind of starting going back to wanting to get back with her and I have to try extra hard to slap me up to make sure I don't get my thoughts crossed.

 

The greatest feeling is that I'm still really young, there's plenty of girls, I talk to hot nice girls who have had bfs treat them like crap and they wouldn't do to me what my ex did, so that there is proof positive that GOOD people are out there and that the ex should remain the ex. I'm doubting if she had even asked me back if I would even take her back, not now, not after I spent all those days figuring myself out and seeking a new direction and from there making myself into more of a man. I'm not going back.

[JT]

Yea, dont concern yourself with this girls peon behavior. You can wonder what the reasons are for the breakup but she's gonna tease you about it and not tell ya. Thats probably the reason she's saying "for the right reasons" blah blah. She knows it gets a rise out of you. Tell yourself you dont care anymore. And believe it. The more girls you meet the more your potential of finding someone else thats better for ya. Trust me.. get through this and you will learn a lot!