Forever -Comments/Criticism Greatly Appreciated-

[mymelancholysoul]

Summer sun,

Falls to pieces

Like the crumbling sidewalk

Beneath her feet.

Cool eyes follow

The road ever onward

And they hope

To see the light.

A smile hangs

Over pale white cheeks

As if waiting

For better days.

The smell of his hair

Stirs up memories

She thought were forgotten.

Oh and his touch,

Brings back life

To her otherwise dead

Frame.

In his hands

She burns alive

And ashes blow

Within his kiss.

But he did lie

With a promise for forever

That lasted a mere year.

In time her heart will heal

Though she can never

Give it the chance.

And in one soft step

A siren does wail

As her body falls,

To the ground below.

[i_hate_the_world47]

wow deep poem.i loved it.it was full of emotion and flowed so well.

 

~meagan~

[strawberry_gashes17]

hey,

this one is pretty good... not one of your best but still good. and i kno exactly what u are talkin about. well i think thats all for now, oh bye the way put "mommy" in, i kno that A LOT of ppl will like it. k thats all.

[dpressedone89]

hey, great poem, its amazing and deep, i hope to see more of your writing, by the way i like the way you use simlies and metaphores in your writing.

-stitches aka The Antihero