Please help me i am so heartbroken!

[bluegirll]

Hello I am 17 years old and so is my boyfriend. We have been together since October of 2003 and right now my boyfriend has decided that we both need to take a break from each other. I am a very possessive person and during our relationship i would always say " are you looking at that girl" and "do you like her"? . I have gotten over that now but i also dont ever want to let him go out with his friends and he gets mad at me which i understand.

 

We are very much in love and i believe he is the one for me. He has broken up with me about 3 times and got back with me because i told him i would change and every time I didnt follow through with what i said and i told him that i would change every time i messed up and he kept on giving me chances but now he said hes just tired and he wants to take a break. I cant handle it though, i feel sick to my stomach because i am so heartbroken.

 

He told me when we decided to take a break that he thinks he will realize how much he does love me and come back. He also told me dad on the phone that is was really bothering him alot that we were on a break and he called me that same night pretty much for nothing, I guess he just couldnt stop thinking about me. But what makes me feel like he will come back to me is that during the summer he went out with his friends to the lake for a day and a half and when he got back he came by my house to see me and was telling me how much he was in love with me and always wanted to be with me.

 

I know that alot of it is my fault for the way i have been to him and i know now that i will change for him and i told him that but he doesnt believe me anymore because of all the times i have told him that and didnt follow through. We have been going out for about a year and we always say that we always want to be together but he wants to take a break and i just really want him back. It tears me up to think about not having him around and i just cant stop thinking about him.

 

I was just wanting to know your thoughts on what i should do and if you think he will realize how much in love with me he is and come back? Oh yea and also ever since we have been going out we have spent almost 95% of the time with each other and i think also it could be that we spend way too much time with each other. I would appreciate your advice. Thank You

[BradensCreed]

i was in a similar relationship 4 years ago. if i could go back, i wouldnt have gotten back together with her, it just hurt more in the end.

[harriet]

I had the same situation, he kept breaking up with me and I kept begging him to take me back even though usually it was him who had done wrong, saying I'd change etc.. Its not worth it, it ends up messing with your head and making you feel resentful towards him, and also makes you feel like you can't express your real feelings in case he leaves you. A relationship can't continue like that, trust me. Why should you change? It's obvious he doesn't know his own mind and you should just move on, or at least have a long honest talk about where you think you are both going wrong and making mistakes, but don't let him blame you for everything. boys can be very manipulative and make you do things you never thought you would, like prostrating yourself when clearly he is lucky to have you. If you can't argue or anything without breaking up it is not a healthy relationship becasue everyone argues and can stay together, its human nature. stay positive, surround yourself with friends and happy films/books and you'll recover, everyone goes through it so people will understand. parents can also be very useful. its hard but sometimes things are not meant to be. Sorry if this is not the advice you wanted but it comes from personal experience and I couldn't not reply after reading your post.

[OceanEyes]

Hey bluegirll ,

 

Right now is the best time to start concentrating on yourself. There's a good chance that if you're jealous and possessive with this guy, that you're going to repeat the same pattern throughout your life. At 17, try to get to the bottom of your insecurities now.

 

1. Is there any reason that he gives you to suspect that he would be unfaithful? I don't mean looking at other girls or having girls as friends either, I mean actual evidence or strong suspicions that he is or is looking to fool around on you.

 

2. Have you been with other guys before and found that you behave the same way (possessive and jealous)?

 

3. Do you find yourself obsessing over him and not paying yourself and your own friends enough attention?

 

4. Do you have other outlets than your boyfriend for love and appreciation? Do you have a solid and loving relationship with your parents or are you always looking for a way out of their house?

 

Also, at no matter what age a guy is, if you try to take away the time he spends with his friends, it's going to get very ugly. This is a time when he can relax and bond with other males, which is very important for his own sense of independence - another crucial part of a man's psyche. If a man feels like you are trying to control him in any way, he's going to pull away from you every time until eventually he will for good. Guys want you to trust them and accept them as they are, and if you don't and are constantly trying to alter their behavior to be more like you want, they feel controlled and mistrusted.

 

Ask yourself why you're so convinced that he is looking for something else. Do you view yourself as a girl who guys will cheat on? There are obviously some underlying issues that you have with not feeling adequate or good enough for your boyfriend to honour you and be faithful. Part of that could be that you don't spend enough time or energy focusing on you!! I find that having hobbies, interests and friends outside of your relationship with your boyfriend will all contribute to your sense of self. Don't look to him for all of your acceptance and approval, because a guy of 17 will not understand that or be able to give it to you. And it doesn't get much better with age.

 

Try looking into your past and figuring out what's causing your insecurities and inability to trust him, because there is always something. Perhaps the males in your life since you were a child have betrayed your trust in some way, or you didn't get enough love and/ or encouragement from your parents, had negative experiences in school, etc. All of these things can contribute to your self-esteem now, and I can tell you from personal experience, that if you don't learn to understand yourself and your feelings now, that these insecurities and self-esteem issues will only grow and become worse as you get older.