When couples break up because they met someone else

[Nerdyjock]

The worse crime is staying with someone that you don't love; being honest is NEVER wrong. It may be selfish in some cases, but dumping someone because you've had a change of heart is always the right thing to do. What other alternative is there? Staying with someone even though you don't love them?

 

Again, they may have selfish reasons or maybe they aren't committed, mature, etc. (in some cases), but that doesn't mean breaking up with them is wrong. If someone I was with was interested in someone else, I'd want them to let me go.

[Vaglar]

Yeah but it's not so easy to 'classifiy' your feelings - romantic love, care, friendship, compassion, etc - when you've known someone for a long time, not to mention all the ongoing problems which are blurring those happy feelings. That's why I think taking some time apart (him moving out maybe) maybe help you clear your head and your heart. That also means cutting ties with Mr. Bus during that time too.

[NeverGoingBack]

I don't have any experience with "taking time apart" but does this actually ever work? Does time apart help to clear your head and your heart, as Vaglar says above? Would it not just drive a wedge between two people, and cause more problems...?

[hooha]

A lot of people do leave for another, and in no way is it healthy to jump ship is what I am getting at. Sometimes it happens for security reasons, and sometimes it just happens because the person is already checked out of the relationship. In my experience there should still be a significant time in between relationships to grieve them. If not it will catch up with you. There is no right or wrong decision here, and as you said... You need to put you and your feeling first. I completely agree with that 100 percent.

 

How does it catch up with you?

[dumPI]

This whole thread reminded me of a movie.

 

 

 

The movie is Match Point from Woody Allen and the movie tag is "Passion. Temptation. Obsession". See it if you haven't. I won't spoil anything. But the core is the same: leaving comfort for a grasp of something new.

How real is that in the long run?

 

How can you guess someone is "better" than your current partner (in relationships were there is no drama, or bad treatment)? You can't. You just can see him/her to be "hotter" and idealize and start wondering about the rest. That's how infatuation works. You start projecting your own thoughts of how wonderful this new person might be. Ok. Leave your current partner and start with the new one. What happens after 10 years? What happens if he/she sees someone "hotter" and you are madly in love? Would you consider it fair to you? When is it time to end the search for someone else?

 

We can't deny we are going to meet hotter people in our lives, people we feel attracted. There is the question of what we should do about it.

I love this quote from the movie Inception:

 

"What is the most resilient parasite? Bacteria? A virus? An intestinal worm? An idea. Resilient... highly contagious. Once an idea has taken hold of the brain it's almost impossible to eradicate. An idea that is fully formed - fully understood - that sticks; right in there somewhere. "

Once the idea is in their minds some people fight against it (commintment, religious beliefs play a role here), some people let themselves go and start the thinking process.

[solidbunker]

I would never fight my feelings,nor could I ever possibly keep them under control.

Yes,I would leave because among other things its a sign that my current RS is missing/lacking of something.