First night of feeling furious after break-up,

[sayer7]

I had one more explosive argument with my ex today (whom I broke up with a few weeks ago) and basically one moment he's mad at me because he claims I never told him about the things that bothered me about him when we were together, and then the next moment he'll be mad because I'll remind him of the issues (because he asked me to) and then he says he's heard it a hundred times before and he's tired of talking about the same things- and that our major trust issues aren't real issues. So why did he ask me to bring up the issues again if he already knew what they were but still wasn't willing to do anything about them?

 

It's just frustrating to feel like I'm being forced to beat a dead-horse when I've already killed it. When I remind him we're not together any more and that we're broken up and the issues don't matter anymore, he says we're not broken up because HE didn't break up with me. It's like Hello? I dumped you. Let's just try to be amicable with each other and not beat it to a second death from now on?

 

He doesn't seem to accept that I was deeply hurt and truly do not trust him because of his past actions. He's unwilling to take responsibility for his immature and irresponsible actions or qualify his actions as viable reasons to dump him.

 

So I initiated the NC rule today and told him until we healed from our toxic relationship, that I felt we needed to cease contact with each other for a few months because its clear he hasn't accepted the fact the relationship was over.

 

I guess I just needed to vent and hear what others had to say if they've ever gone through this kind of frustration and felt this ticked off with their exs because they wouldn't accept the break-up.

[Mun]

Why are you still talking to him?

 

He isn't going to accept the break up if you keep talking to him. Correction--He knows you broke up with him, but since you are still talking to him he thinks you don't mean it. He thinks he is going to have you right where he wants you (like always).

 

Don't hope he will change--apparently he just wants to shift the blame back to you. I think most guys who do what he did are very aware of it. They just want to see how far you will go/ how much they can get away with.

 

You deserve respect, but you have to give it to yourself first.

 

Be strong.

[sayer7]

I was expecting a call from work, and not him to call. I've not been picking up the phone most of this last month just because I've been avoiding him - letting my voicemail take all my calls unless I expect someone. I'll be getting Caller ID tomorrow just for good measure now though.

 

I've talked to him briefly on the phone only twice since I broke up with him weeks ago and I thought he'd finally figured it out that we weren't together anymore after almost two weeks of NC (not the official NC-- I just didn't contact him and he didn't either cause he never put in much effort anyways). Then he calls today just to pick a fight with me about the relationship and beat the horse to death all over again-- probably because he was sitting home alone feeling bored and lonely and wanted to spread the fun to me cause I'm the one that he blames for putting him in that miserable state of mind.

 

The few weeks without much contact with him has been absolutely wonderful and I STILL have yet to grieve for the relationship- however I honestly think I've grieved enough in the last 6 months with him to not have to grieve now. This was the first night I've even cared enough to be absolutely furious with him for calling up just to harass me about something that's been done and over with for almost a month now.

 

Anyway... I just wondered if anyone else out there has delt with the same issue and felt the same way I did because in some ways I feel like an insensitive 'female dog' because I've never been so rude to anyone as to scream and shout and hang up on them before... but I also feel like I was in the right for doing so. So I feel kind of weird feeling so mean-spirited and hostile, but I don't regret my decision for the break-up or the NC at all - and I know most people might.

 

If he doesn't get it by now, cause I seriously blew a fuse over the phone telling him I wanted NC and then hung up on him, then he won't ever get it and I truly feel sorry for his next gf.

[Mun]

Sayer,

You stood up for yourself and you felt empowered. There is no stopping you now as long as you continue on this mindset. Keep your chin up. You will be ok.

 

Glad you finally had the courage to do it. Keep being strong.

[auburnslp]

ok, one from the dumpee's perspective...

 

You are right to be irritated by his actions. Of course you are. Getting angry about it is pointless though...his heart was broken by the finality of it all...he still loves you and wants you. There is only one way to help yourself and him at this point...

 

Continue on with no contact...be even more careful in screening calls. Do not reply to emails. Do not answer the phone is it is him. Any contact at all from you now, even negative responses, anger, will be a response, emotion, that will give him a sort of hope, and delay the inevitable and eventual death of the relationship for him, in his heart. Insist on that.

 

If it goes beyond this, if it gets to a stalking situation, seek help. Those things can be dangerous.

 

But know this...no matter what happened in the relationship, you were the one to end it...he is entitled to feeling hurt by that, and right now the most important thing is for you to enable him to let you go...which means being calm, fair, reasonable, and having absolutely no contact at all...if he shows up at your house, talk to him calmly. Tell him it is over and you don't want him there. If it keeps happening, then again, be wary.

 

Be careful now. Have heart too. Best of luck with this...Michael