Timefornc Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 What is the longest amount of silent treatment have you been on the receiving end of following a break up and how was it broken? Link to comment
ngu11 Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Longest is about 4 years...never broken lol. Can I ask..are you asking this to compare to your own situation? Link to comment
Timefornc Posted July 21, 2011 Author Share Posted July 21, 2011 Yeah, mines about 5 months. Just interested as I would never do this and never had it happen before to me Link to comment
ngu11 Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 I guess it depends on the person...i personally think NC is a load of Negative Cr*p.... If you love someone...respect someone...forgive someone...care about someone...NC does nothing but breed more negativity...especially when ignoring is involved. I speak to plenty of my exes....but of course you need that time inbetween if you definitely have no desire (either side) to get back together. But on the other hand...after a while...counting periods of no contact will become null and void...as you completely forget about it...it may take someone to ask "hey have you heard from so and so" Link to comment
Timefornc Posted July 21, 2011 Author Share Posted July 21, 2011 I guess it depends on the person...i personally think NC is a load of Negative Cr*p.... If you love someone...respect someone...forgive someone...care about someone...NC does nothing but breed more negativity...especially when ignoring is involved. I speak to plenty of my exes....but of course you need that time inbetween if you definitely have no desire (either side) to get back together. But on the other hand...after a while...counting periods of no contact will become null and void...as you completely forget about it...it may take someone to ask "hey have you heard from so and so" Yeah. I would never do it. And it took me a while to leave her alone. The silence is just irritating now Link to comment
ngu11 Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 It's totally irritating. I imagine them as a toddler throwing a temper tantrum...whats the best thing to do? Ignore them until they calm down. What I mean is...let them get on with it...they'll snap out of it eventually! Link to comment
Wildcars Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 It's totally irritating. I imagine them as a toddler throwing a temper tantrum...whats the best thing to do? Ignore them until they calm down. What I mean is...let them get on with it...they'll snap out of it eventually! Correct, once they are calm, they can think with their heads. If they decide to start communicating or reaching out then you know, its the right thing. Because both of you have left each other alone.. If she/he never contacts you again, then you know, its not the one for you.. And if she is, then she will be yours sooner or later.. Link to comment
Gessolin Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Stop thinking about you...staying away with NC or "the silent treatment" is about the person who is hurt and is struggling to move on or trying to get you out of their system. For me it is painful to keep in contact with someone who has rejected me. Once the pain goes away, why would I want to be friends with you? Why would you want to be friends with me? What are you getting out of the need to be friends with your ex? I say get on with your life. Link to comment
ngu11 Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Stop thinking about you.... "You" is YOUR (everyone) favourite subject! Some are struggling because of "you" some are working on "you" I gurantee you this..."you" will be with you until the day you leave this earth! Link to comment
Timefornc Posted July 21, 2011 Author Share Posted July 21, 2011 I am the dumpee. And she is giving me the silent treatment. Ironic really? Link to comment
ngu11 Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Cause you chased her man. Or did you? Link to comment
penelope13 Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 There might be a bit of confusion here about some definitions. "Silent treatment" = someone doesn't talk with you, although that person has an obligation (because you are in a relationship, because there is an unresolved issue etc) to. NC = period after a breakup where you cease contact in order to focus on your own healing. If she broke up with you, there is no more obligation on her part to be in touch with you. And you may not believe it, but in the long run it is better and healthier for you. You are clearly still at a point where she effects you emotionally, thus you are nowhere close to ready to have any sort of contact or even friendship with her at this point. Instead of fuming at her - focus on yourself and try to accept that for now the relationship is over. I only believe reconciliations can work, if both individuals have taken enough time to evaluate what went wrong in the relationship and how they each have to change to make it work better. It has to be a different relationship, not simply going back to the old one that was broken and obviously didn't work out for at least one person Link to comment
Timefornc Posted July 21, 2011 Author Share Posted July 21, 2011 I'm not fuming. Im disappointed that it went this way. Freezing someone out isn't my style. But everyone is different, reason why I asked that question. Link to comment
ngu11 Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Please join my team Penelope! Great, sensible and sensitive advice! On a further note op...approach your ex (mental interactions I mean) from a place of love, respect, gratitude and understanding. You will feel better mate Link to comment
Timefornc Posted July 21, 2011 Author Share Posted July 21, 2011 And yes I thought it was worth fighting for. So I did, no mind games, no scheming. Just honesty. And it backfired. Link to comment
Miss my Heart Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 I am the dumpee. And she is giving me the silent treatment. Ironic really? If she is giving you the silent treatment it is because she no longer wants to be with you and although she may still have had feelings for you, the dumper can be hurt by the break-up as well. But she probably realizes that talking to you may give you false hope for reconciliation...I actually believe this is how a dumper should act. Continuing to contact your ex when you were the one to end the relationship is hurtful and cruel...especially if as the dumper you do not want to "try" again. I am the dumpee and for the last 4 months my ex has kept in contact with me. He has said he loves me, misses me, wants me but doesn't want to see me. It is hard to accept, heal, and move on when this is going on. I understand you probably miss her but take it as a blessing that she has left you alone. Link to comment
Gessolin Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 "You" is YOUR (everyone) favourite subject! Some are struggling because of "you" some are working on "you" I gurantee you this..."you" will be with you until the day you leave this earth! There is a time and place for "you" and this is not it. Sometimes you need to back off and think of someone else. Link to comment
Timefornc Posted July 21, 2011 Author Share Posted July 21, 2011 Maybe I should have been clearer. It was a simple question and not to the whys and why nots. Silent treatment is just that, stick in speech marks if you like, makes no difference. I asked for peoples experience not the same people saying same stuff as every other thread. I joined here four months ago and it sucks that you see the same posts over and over regardless of situation. Link to comment
Mellie Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 My experience [of giving the silent treatment]: 1. 13 years (broken by me as the dumpee - let's be FB friends - curiosity, no more, found out he was getting married and felt genuinely pleased for him). 2. 7 years (I was the dumper, bumped into him, chatted, bit awkward because the new BF was there, but I was pleased to see the ex (as a friend, no more) for closure on civil terms (breakup was nasty - he was abusive). 3. Still continuing - we're up to... What... 6 years (I was the dumper, after being dumped - he tried to get me back, I had nothing left). 4. Still continuing - this one's up to... must be virtually bang on 3 years now. I saw him in a supermarket the other week and legged it. I was the dumpee. 5. Still continuing. We broke up 2 weeks ago. I was the dumpee. Silent treatment implies you're being punished for something. That's not why I've gone quiet on my exes. It's because I genuinely have nothing left to say. If you take away the relationship, what have you got left? If there's a strong friendship there prior to the relationship and you parted on amicable terms somehow, than that might be worth treading the eggshells, but my relationships didn't start or end that way. There wouldn't be anything to be gained for either of us, I don't think. The first one I only wondered how he got on in life, but that was it, just curiosity. Link to comment
ngu11 Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 There is a time and place for "you" and this is not it. Sometimes you need to back off and think of someone else. Don't know what you thought I meant..I'm talking about taking care of yourself first before worrying about the ex...etc! Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.