Last night's nightmare

[stolenshadow]

Hi all, last night was awful for me, I was ok then the next minute I remembered about my long distance ex fiancé who is now back, after 3 years of NC, he broke up 3 months ago with a girl he had been living for 2 1/2 years and we're now in touch almost every single day.

 

So I was fine then all of a sudden a terrible anxiety came over me, the thought of him giving his virginity to this other girl froze my blood and I had the urge to go to the phone and ask him what he wanted by contacting me, a relationship, being friends for a while, planning something, I just wanted to run and talk to him.

I must say I don't need to rush anything, and this has happened 2 or 3 times since we've been in contact again, if one day he doesn't e-mails me I lose it.

 

In the end I didn't phone him, I just stayed for about 3 hours crying madly, wondering why God did this, I asked God for many years that if it was meant to be to make him come back to me, and now he's back but I don't know why and more importantly I'm no longer the important girl in his life, as he gave his virginity to her and changed his life for her, Why does God makes me suffer?.

 

Well, I just want to ask if somebody here knows a good remedy for accepting the truth as it is now, for being a strong person, I'm not very religious and unfortunately not that many activities are fun for me, I don't have "big habits" either, I think that if I smoke or liked to drink or even cut I would have something to hold on to, instead of just curling and crying, I write a lot and that helps but I'm clueless as to what else I could do to get some importance out of this situation, maybe even be able to think about it but without the pain, I know for the past years I have tried everything, going out, meeting other guys, getting a lot into school and now, feeling so confused, I know it didn't work and I wouldn't be able to overcome this again, any suggestions?.

 

Thanks for reading.

[stolenshadow]

Ok, I think I got it, last night I found this at a religion page:

 

"The illness you had, immense emptiness and anguishment from the soul it's very common among humans. Nobody can heal it but the One that creates the souls".

 

Or something like that, so it's a matter of understanding what I can and can't control and accepting that I cannot make things perfect because I'm not God.

 

Thanks for reading.

[i_hate_the_world47]

Well then you found your answer.

 

~Meagan~

[stolenshadow]

At least so it seems , yes.

But of course, if I could hear other suggestions I would be thankful.

 

Thanks for stopping by Meagan .

[TehNomad]

That's strange... I guess God would do the healing, but he's not the one that does the inflicting. Don't do that to yourself, don't sit around crying, you're in a perfect position to do something! Just give him a ring, forget getting back together in a relationship, just see what he's up to! Listen to him and take it from there. Be nice, be cool, and don't worry.

 

By the way, whatever the hell you do, don't smoke. And alcohol is a depressant so I don't think that would be too helpful either.

 

Best of luck!

[stolenshadow]

Yes TehNomad, the healing coming from God, like in certain moments when we feel we need to control ourselves but the feelings are so immense that we have to say "Ok, stop, I need help".

 

I loved your advice, it must be because you are so young that you see things pure and simple, just the way life should be.

Well, if I haven't phoned my ex and try to avoid more and more contact it's simply because I don't want to push him or lead him into making a decision because his break-up from the ex is still recent.

Just now, once I started to be as "warm" as him he suddenly gets oh so busy.

 

Thanks for taking the time to reply here, I appreciate that a lot. I'll remember your words.