flower888 Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 life is meaningless without him, i wasn't genuinely happy before i met him. i had read before all the happiness should be within the self, i had tried, is just all a pretence, an act to try to buffer the pain if i lost him. and now i has lost him, i know i can never be happy again. what is all this about going to the gym and making yourself look good, so what if i could attract another guy? it won't be him. who could replace what we had? if it could easily be replaced it wasn't love in the first place. what is this thing about moving on? there is no moving on. just a carry on living a life without him. i will still make money, i will still eat and sleep, inside me is empty, no more heart. i don't want to fan his ego by telling myself i don't want to live without him. but that is the truth, i don't want to live without him. if only i know he would come back one day, even 10 years later i can live happily today if i could see him again. is the hope that keeps a person going. even if he is old and wrinkled and not handsome anymore i still love him and want to take care of him. what is so big deal about him that i feel this way? i hate myself, but i tell myself i am just a genuine human being and try to forgive myself for being such a loser. Link to comment
TakingtheBlame Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 It's not HIM that you miss. It's having someone familiar around. People fear the unknown, and living without this man who you've known for a long, long time is the unknown. I've been down this road, swearing up and down that I loved Tom * * * * or Harry and was nothing without them and could never find another man like them....and then I met someone new who was ten times better. And then I'd get familiar with them too. And I'd love again. I also didn't die in the interim. The thing is, people will ALWAYS leave you in life, unless you leave them, whether through break-ups or divorce or death. If we were incapable of living without those we loved once they were gone, nobody would survive. We are inevitably capable of living and loving again, so what's the point of fixating on the past and not doing everything in our power to move forward? Link to comment
Zuri Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 I know how you feel. I'm going through the exact same thing. It hurts so bad. But I do believe what TakingTheBlame wrote. I have to... Link to comment
leaningpixie Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 life is meaningless without him, i wasn't genuinely happy before i met him. i had read before all the happiness should be within the self, i had tried, is just all a pretence, an act to try to buffer the pain if i lost him. and now i has lost him, i know i can never be happy again. Remember who he is, and how he acts I have the impression you are more in love with what you saw in him than with him. How I can tell? Same problem here ; But I do my best not to take that "I can't live without him" seriously. I sure can! And so can you! Hold your chin up, you are not a loser but a person with feelings. Link to comment
flower888 Posted July 1, 2011 Author Share Posted July 1, 2011 thanks. would like to believe that the tom * * * * harry theory is true. but i belong to a mature age group, i am not the type who go party meet another gorgeous tom and hey, i am happy again... Link to comment
TakingtheBlame Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 thanks. would like to believe that the tom * * * * harry theory is true. but i belong to a mature age group, i am not the type who go party meet another gorgeous tom and hey, i am happy again... I don't know if I'm considered a "mature age group" or not, per se, but I'm definitely not in the meet-a-gorgeous-guy-at-the-party age group either. Never been a partier. I've only met my boyfriends through other friends, when I least expected it. Here's my most recent example: dated and fell for a guy four years ago who I met abroad, who then moved 3000 miles to my state (not because of me)...after it ended I just couldn't believe we'd conquered all that distance and been so happy together, just for things to fail. We stayed friends, though, and oddly enough, several months ago, a co-worker of his expressed interest and I grudgingly accepted a date...we've been together since, and I don't think I've ever been happier. (honest!) We're both in our early 30s, he's a bit older than me. Certainly an extreme example (and not for everyone, I agree!) but just making the point that there IS always someone great around the corner and in the most unexpected places (and not always some 21 year old at the bar or club!) Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 You sound like a love addict. You base all your happiness on others. Not healthy! Have you seen anyone about your depression and issues? Link to comment
dolorosa Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Better say than done, but girl.... you can live withouth him and you will, give it time. Link to comment
flower888 Posted July 1, 2011 Author Share Posted July 1, 2011 You sound like a love addict. You base all your happiness on others. Not healthy! Have you seen anyone about your depression and issues? yep, i am a love addict. i am a loser. when i walk down the street, as long as i am alone i have guys asking for my numbers, not bragging, is true. but i am a damn loser who had never loved someone before the way i love him. if being alone and happy is the most right thing to do why is everybody's dream is to get married eventually? and after a break up people will tell you first thing you have to do is be able to be alone and happy. is just an act, to attract the next person. here, i don't have to act. Link to comment
endy Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 yep, i am a love addict. i am a loser. when i walk down the street, as long as i am alone i have guys asking for my numbers, not bragging, is true. but i am a damn loser who had never loved someone before the way i love him. if being alone and happy is the most right thing to do why is everybody's dream is to get married eventually? and after a break up people will tell you first thing you have to do is be able to be alone and happy. is just an act, to attract the next person. here, i don't have to act. First of all you're not a loser, the fact that men constantly hit on you means nothing. Being alone and happy first of all is the right thing to do. So you can find someone else, and be compatible on that level. Do you keep all of your feelings in? I mean do you repress them? Everybodys dream is not to get married. Do you ever here someone say I'm never getting married all the time? They won't because they don't believe in themselves. Being alone and being happy is not an act. It's called loving yourself, and until you can do that... You're not going to love someone else the right way. It's not to attract the next person. It's to become more independent so you don't have to use someone else as a crutch. You are shaken right now, let it all out. Don't keep it all in. Complain yell at this thread. Cry all you want. Stop keeping things in. First though stop blaming yourself for everything. Start by explaining why you broke up. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 yep, i am a love addict. i am a loser. when i walk down the street, as long as i am alone i have guys asking for my numbers, not bragging, is true. but i am a damn loser who had never loved someone before the way i love him. if being alone and happy is the most right thing to do why is everybody's dream is to get married eventually? and after a break up people will tell you first thing you have to do is be able to be alone and happy. is just an act, to attract the next person. here, i don't have to act. You will NEVER attract the right person until you deal with you! Why aren't you in counseling addressing your issues? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Endy, This goes waaaaaaaaay beyond this guy. She stated that she was unhappy before she met him. It's not about the men. Link to comment
flower888 Posted July 1, 2011 Author Share Posted July 1, 2011 i am not here to win an argument. you are right ok? i have a problem. i cannot be happy alone. i am wrong that i cannot be happy alone. that's me. i am beautiful, i have hour glass figure, i am smart and sweet and i cook well, i have no lack of suitors as long as i put myself out in the market, i run my own successful business, but i only want my guy back. i am totally totally sick in my mind. i am not deperate to get married, i had been married before, i know what it is all about. i know a lot about life, don't have the mood to show off my philosophy here. i am just a simple woman, i love my man and i would do anything to have him back. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 So I guess the answer is, you don't want to address your problems and be a happier you. Curious why you came to the site, if you didn't want advice? I don't want to be right. I was just passing on some info i thought would be useful to you. Good luck! Link to comment
flower888 Posted July 1, 2011 Author Share Posted July 1, 2011 what do you want from me? you said i am a love addict, i alreaady admitted. now you said i don't want advice and curious why i came to this site? what you said is not cool and not helping. now you won't like to hear this and you are going to jump at me again. can you jump at other peopole instead and not target me? you are very strong, very healthy, successful , winner, you can live alone happily and healthily. great! sincere congratulations to you! so you advice me to run to some psychaitrist and take some anti dep pills, and this has nothing to do with men but the problem is me. that is your opinion, fine, but when i don't take your advice then i am at this site not after your advice. i am after somebody's else's advice. like Endy said, i could be at this site to let it out. have i satisfied your curiosity why i am at this site? don't know why you have to be sarcastic to someone already feeling so down. Link to comment
flower888 Posted July 1, 2011 Author Share Posted July 1, 2011 endy, i know what you mean, thank you. Link to comment
leaningpixie Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 if being alone and happy is the most right thing to do why is everybody's dream is to get married eventually? I think what the person who suggested that meant is that the most right thing to do is to be able to be alone and happy before embarking in a relationship. That doesn't mean that alone and happy is better than a relationship but that it's a pre-requisite to be able to be happy in a relationship. I don't know if I expressed myself well, I hope so Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 Why are you getting so defensive? I am not the enemy here. I never said anything about medication but, I did suggest you receive counseling to understand your depression, feelings of worthlessness, and addiction to men. Because until you do, you will not be successful with this man or any other. I'm sorry i upset you, and I truly hope you find peace. Link to comment
endy Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 endy, i know what you mean, thank you. Honey, before we can help you have to let us know where this is coming from. Obviously you know you are attractive. What from your past is causing this? What is causing your relationships to fail? Can we look back in the past a bit maybe to your parents and how they treated you? Were you never good enough or put down a lot? Made to feel like you could always do better? That's where we need to start. If you really just want to vent that's fine, but there's people who will help you here as well. Why did you break up in the first place? The more important part IMO to help you is your childhood. Let us know if you want help, if not, wait until you're ready... continue to vent. Link to comment
flower888 Posted July 2, 2011 Author Share Posted July 2, 2011 endy, thank you for trying to help. honestly i don't think i am such a unique problem. most girls/women are after love, love is the motivation in life. i think i had achieved reasonably enough as an individual in all areas. i just have trouble falling in love easily since young. men like me easily, i appreciate, but only with this one, i feel i am truly into the relationship, first time in my life. so now i am having a lot of pain. is really that simple. yesterday i had made myself give up the hope. i figure it is more pain to hope. i think the whole relationship is not true love on his side, he was just playing romance all these years. but he never cheated on me and we did have a great time. i am left with questions, but i won't pursue the answers. don't want to lose my dignity, that is the last thing i have now. thanks endy. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.