astraltraveler Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 I'm 22 and he's 20...we broke up about 3 months ago and recently starting talking as friends on the phone, and we've even hung out as friends (this was a week ago). We met on link removed which is a popular gay chatroom. We met in July of 2002. We hung out and chatted for several months and I picked him up a few times a week to hang out etc. He didn't and still doesn't have his license partly because I think he was scared of driving, as a close aunt of his died in auto accident about 4 years ago. Recently he's been really adament about getting his license though. His family doesn't seem to be very supportive in helping him learn how to drive, but I'm sure where there's a will there's a way. Anyway, he's always worked 40-60 hours a week since I've known him, and he's very responsible about things like that. Our relationship started to go wrong about 4 months after we moved in together (which was Dec of 2002). There was physical abuse on my part, which I terribly regret and have learned a whole lot from. he cheated on me on Easter sunday of 03' and I walked in on it, I was on lunch break from work. Consequently I was fired from my job because I couldn't emotionally go back to work after that. I immediately forgave him and we went to my parents house for support. He knows my family and has been here with me several times to hang out and play pool, drink and have a good time etc etc. The summer of 03' was kinda off and on getting along, sometimes things were great, and sometimes it was pretty rough. I had a hard time finding work. I finally got hired at a shoe store and that lasted a few months, before I quit because my math skills were jokingly questioned by the girl whom I was replacing...(she was training me). I got very embarrassed in front of the people I was working with, and I walked out. I never found another job after that, and we stayed in the apt together for another 6 months. Finally he got fed up in early march of 04' and left, never to return. By that time a had just gotten hired at a pizza place nearby and I lived in the apt by myself and we chatted on the phone and hung out ever so often. He broke the lease in may and we both moved out. I moved back with my parents and he moved back in with his grandparents. We live about 30 min apart. I got a job a month after moving back in and have applied to a hair school near Atl, hopefully starting in Sept! YAY. Things seem to be working out alright. I miss him soooo much though, and I feel that I treated a person who did so right by me, so wrongly. I know no one walks on water but he's a really good guy for me (or was lol). After we broke up we didn't chat for about 3 weeks, and I called him and gave it another 3 weeks and then called him again. He was going on vacation the following week and it gave me a chance to talk to him before he left. Sometimes I felt like a was doing all the calling and that maybe I was putting too much much into it, after all we are *friends* now. After a few times of manipulating him to get him to come back to me, and after one in person attempt to get him back (which got regrettably sexual), we finally seem to be making progress with the strict friendship thing. He's been calling here the last several nights. This was after our first face to face meeting in a long time, which got sexual. I've been getting really close to my stepmom and she sort of coaches me through this. Sometimes when he calls she'll answer and say I'm not there or i'm out with friends...which she says makes it look like I have a life (even though I don't) and it makes it look like I'm not just waiting by the phone all the time. This is pretty much what is happening right now at the present. I still want him back more than anything in the world, and I miss him so much. I love this man incredibly and I don't want to make any more mistakes that might drive him further away. If anyone can give me any sort of advice or help, it would be greatly appreciated. Maybe I can even give updated (good or bad). I'm just not that sure how these message boards work. Whhew my fingers hurt now, lol. Thanks everyone! Link to comment
astraltraveler Posted August 16, 2004 Author Share Posted August 16, 2004 I forgot to mention. When we hung out a week ago like posted above, he told me more than a few times "I love you" in the sweet manner that used to be. It kinda reminded me of the past. He also gave those sweet puppy dog looks every once in a while. Just smiling when I did something cute or whatever. I maybe reading to much into it, but it kinda gave me hope in a way. BTW, he just called when I was typing that last message, and I think I'm gonna call him later on this evening. Link to comment
DragonGirl724 Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 boy o boy!!! this guy is taking advantage of u! it seems to me he enters ur life screws up & YOU are left to suffer the consequences of it all!! do notttt have sex w/ him! he doesnt deserve to share intimacy with you. not to mention if he comes back for the sex the relationship is doomed! i think your love is bein taken advantage of & it seems ur very comfortable with him & thereforeeee ur allowing him to do these things & walk all over you, tho ur dying inside. its not fair babe!! he doesnt deserve you. he should help u find a job!! it was because of his dumb *** u lost yours!! he needs to prove himself worthy & he has a lotttt of work to do in that department. do not succomb to the sexual urge u have to be with him! itll just bring you down & he has complete control over you & your heart right now. dont let your heart be so easily accessed. sumtimes we are attracted to those that are bad for us...its a natural thing, we like to have the bad ones, meanwhile the good ones are out there missing out on those who have the heart to truly love them. i hope thigns work out for the best interst of YOU, but only YOU have the power to make that happen. dont be his playtoy he can pick up & have fun with whenever hes ready to. good guys are hard to come by, he has you wrapped around his finger. put a stop to it ASAP! goodluck! -DG724 Link to comment
RayKay Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 Well, I think I interpreted your post differently than dragongirl did. You have admitted that you did not treat your ex well, but it seems you have definitely learned from your mistakes. And I don't think that he is coming back to you for purely sexual reasons either - you said he has been calling, saying he loves you, etc. And as for the sex, well, you are a willing partipant too, correct?!?! He was most DEFINITELY wrong to cheat, but couples can recover from those events - though it takes time, patience and a lot of communication (which are good things in any relationship anyway!) You said you have been hanging out as friends more lately, and that you are remaining aloof/independent (and your stepmom is helping out with this!) so I think you are on the right track. Do some reading at link removed (the free stuff) or read some of Beec's posts (a member on here) and you will start to learn what you have to do. You need to create his emotional dependence, while remaining independent and aloof...so go to it! Before you do though, make sure you feel you can definitely trust him, and that he is going to be open with you and communicative. Don't put all your time investment into this if you are both not going to be able to start fresh over. Link to comment
astraltraveler Posted August 17, 2004 Author Share Posted August 17, 2004 i definitley don't think he's wrong in breaking up with me. alot of it had to do with wrong on my part. being just friends with him is becoming easier for me every day. i've learned not to be clingy and to be a confidant and not talk on the phone forever. he acts very sweet and sounds truly excited to hear from me on the phone. i do want to be with him again one day, but i know we need lots of time. the last time we hung out he asked me where i want to be in 10 years, and i stupidly responded, "with you" and it kinda threw him off. he told me not to think like that because he didn't know if it would work out that way. that really made me sad (i cried about it as soon as i dropped him off, and i couldn't sleep well that night). all i can do is be the best friend to him that i can possibly be and hope that he'll one day look at me fresh and new, the way he did when we first met. i love him so much Link to comment
astraltraveler Posted August 17, 2004 Author Share Posted August 17, 2004 to tell you the truth, just hearing him say "love ya" and the way he looks at me sometimes is enough to tide me over. part of me believes we'll be together again, put the other part of me doesn't want to put too much emphasis on it, in case it doesn't happen. all i know is we shared some awesome moments together, and the chemistry was real between us. and it still sorta feels that way, even though we're friends now. i've told him if he does start dating again that i don't care to hear details. dunno if i'm just in saying that, but it would save me from more pain. Link to comment
astraltraveler Posted August 18, 2004 Author Share Posted August 18, 2004 anyone else have any comments? Link to comment
RayKay Posted August 18, 2004 Share Posted August 18, 2004 I am not sure what else people can say - it sounds like you are in a good place right now! Do some of the free reading at link removed, and learn about how people fall for people..good luck! Link to comment
astraltraveler Posted August 18, 2004 Author Share Posted August 18, 2004 I spoke to him tonight. i was really friendly and sweet, and so was he. one thing i've noticed is he's really quick to state the negative things that are going on in his day to day life without me. he's told me that he gets bored sometimes, things about his grandfather, the kittens his cat(was our cat but he took her when we moved out of our apt, and he loves her and says he wants to keep her, but the kittens are getting to him) just had, his job, his recent experamentation with speed (drug) and some other things. i always respond nonchalantly, but very friendly at the same time. i always try to keep the phone convos short and simple. like tonight i said i'll hear from you soon. he's says "i work 10am-8pm tomorrow but i'll call you tomorrow night.) what does all this mean? Link to comment
astraltraveler Posted August 19, 2004 Author Share Posted August 19, 2004 talked again. he seems to be kinda down, which makes me wonder. the last few times we've chatted on the phone he's sorta been in the dumps. not all the way, but kinda. part of me wonders if it's me, but then i'm not around him so i can't think of anything i coulda done. it concerns me, but he insists that he's fine...any thoughts? Link to comment
RayKay Posted August 19, 2004 Share Posted August 19, 2004 I think it is best to not pry into it...he might have some thinking to do whether it is about you or not. If it makes you feel better though, I would make a comment that you are there just to listen (not make any judgements) if he wants to, and then just leave it at that. Link to comment
astraltraveler Posted August 20, 2004 Author Share Posted August 20, 2004 i wish the pain would subside, but it just drones within me. Link to comment
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