He tried to kiss me and I freaked out because of different religions

[PrettyGood]

Ok we met a week ago at the music festival. I was with my female friend and he went to us to talk. We all were walking about 2 hours, talking, joking, drinking mineral water, taking photos. In the end he asked my phone number, then added me on FB. Until then we were corresponding by sms messages. Ok he asked me out on a date several times, but I had no time. He had a crush on me I have noticed it by the first time we met. He was constantly trying to touch me (hand, hair, waist) and was telling me some jokes to make me laugh.

 

Today I agreed to go to a date with him. It was totally perfect date with walking around romantic nature, having lunch, playing flirty games, finally he asked what is the colour of my eyes. I opened my eyes widely and look to him when he began kissing me in French way. I was a little bit intimidated, so I asked "Wait, stop, what are you doing?" He told me that he wants to make me feel more attached to him, because he liked me very much and he can see me as his his 'future' girlfriend. I laughed because I told him I'm leaving for 3 summer months to go abroad to work. He told me that he had LDR and that he's ready to wait for me. BUT. He's from one country, I'm from another. He's studying at my country. Also he's a jewish and I'm the catholic. I was just freaked out because in my head I couldn't understand if I should risk to begin something serious with this cute guy or no. I liked his appearance, he tried to dance with me in nature and was holding me on his hand when brought over the shallow water, but I wasn't sure if this interfaith date wouldn't break because of religion and different countries. Later he tried to kiss me more several times, because he couldn't resist to my perfume, my hair and so on, but it ended in holding hands by my initiative.

 

What should I do in all of this situation?

[TakingtheBlame]

It depends. How old are you? Are you looking for something serious and long lasting, or just for some fun? Are you very serious about your religion and have you ever dated someone outside of your religion before? And are you worried that he might leave because of this interfaith/location difference? Or do you think YOU might end up having issues with it?

 

So many questions! Sorry.

[Marah]

Honestly, it all sounds like too much adversity to take on. I would probably just let it go and keep looking.

[PrettyGood]

I'm 27 and yes I'm looking for long term relationship. I don't do one night stands, I never kiss on the first date, but I think this time was an exception and I just couldn't relax and do it properly because I was thinking:

 

- what's happening at this moment? it's only the middle of a 1st date

- i'm not sure if it's worth to start an interfaith relationship

- i'm not sure if he could wait me until i get back from abroad after 3 months of working

- i was afraid to be dumped, because you know the date and his behaviour was too perfect

 

I'm not totally religious, not my parents. Well, my father is a racist. I'm afraid of that, but he's a passive member in my family. But I was more afraid that he mentioned that his parents would only accept his girlfriend if he would engage with her within 1 year. Jewish not tend to make casual dating, because a girl looks like a then. And you know jewish people are too much religious to accept someone who has another religion to their family. I just was scared to be rejected by all means. And I have never had a foreign boyfriend especially with different religion.

[TakingtheBlame]

Well, I was raised Jewish (but not very religious), so it's not true that ALL jewish people won't date people of other faiths. In fact, the first Jewish guy I ever dated was my current boyfriend and I met him when I was 29! I fell very hard for a Christian guy a few years ago but HE rejected ME because he didn't want to date someone outside of his faith. So it goes both ways, and not all members of any faith refuse to date outside of their faith.

 

That said, since you're 27 and you seem to have reservations about dating outside of your faith (not strong reservations but they are evident, since you posted here) I would not go down that route. If you have doubts now, my guess is they will only get stronger down the road if you get serious with him. Would you be comfortable raising your children Jewish if he wanted that very badly? Would you be comfortable participating in Jewish holidays with his family, or going to synagogue on high holy days? These are important considerations since you are looking for a serious relationship and not just a fling. Also, considering it would be a LDR, there will be added pressure from that as well. Of course, you can always get to know him and after a few dates sit him down and discuss the whole interfaith dating thing and how he feels about it. In my experience, by the late 20s, people usually have a pretty good idea of who they are willing to get involved with and how important their faith is to them...so as long as you don't get too physical with him too quickly, he should give you a pretty good indication of where he stands on this whole issue.

 

But personally, I think you have too many doubts way too early on, and I would not pursue this relationship. It sounds to me like you just have a schoolgirl crush on a cute guy but aren't sold on the idea of falling in love with him.

[OrangeSlice]

And you know jewish people are too much religious to accept someone who has another religion to their family.

Sorry to break it to do, but I have met plenty of jewish people that are not at all like you have said. Think before you speak, or else you will be mocked and thrown out.

[Callacova]

Personally I wouldn't date a Jew

[OrangeSlice]

Personally I wouldn't date a Jew

 

why not? they are just like anyone else.

[OrangeSlice]

I dont see why people cant simply look beyond someone's faith. To me someone's faith is just one aspect of a person, and not an entire thing. I would date someone regardless of their faith as I judge people by their actions, as people should judge others by. People are still closed minded to others, this person is black, this person is Jewish, this person is Hispanic. We label others all the time these days still, and then justify why we label them, as if there is any real justification to do so. If a person, say Joe, was Jewish, a lot of people would only see that he is Jewish and nothing more. People like me would see that he is jewish, and then see the other aspects of him, and thus I would see him for who he truly is, a person. It is the 21st century, being closed minded is so 19th century.

[Leftright]

OP, Here's some encouragement for you. A little story about a good friend of mine, who was raised catholic, he met a muslim girl in college who he fell in love with. Her family was against it at first, but having gotten to know him, they ended up liking him in the end. So, that being said, they are now happily married with two kids. There is an entire world of possibility there for you. ...Then again, I live in Canada, and inter-religious marriage is a little more acceptable here.

 

-LR

[TakingtheBlame]

Personally I wouldn't date a Jew

 

LOL. Wow, helpful advice. Don't worry, we wouldn't date you either.

[PrettyGood]

Well, I'm not afraid of his religion. I don't care about it, yesterday I've talked to my family and they also think that religion doesn't matter at all (they were suprising me that jewish are more intelligent people and that they're very into family values). What I afraid of is that one day I can be rejected by HIS family because of my faith. I just afraid that they're much more religious into faith and what if they wouldn't like to have someone like me in their family? It would be a waste of time for serious friendship? He told me that if non jewish woman give a birth to a baby, then it's not a jewish kind baby. And if jewish woman give a birth to a baby, then it is a jewish baby. So does it mean that I wouldn't have any rights until I change my religion to theirs? That's what I'm afraid of. I could tolerate him and his family and if we would have children, I could let them raise by jewish traditions, but what rights would I have besides him if I wouldn't change catholic?

[Coverage]

Religion is a very important part of life for a lot of people, and by marrying someone of a different religion you are taking a risk that later on down the road religious disagreements could negatively affect the relationship. Be it life decisions, children, family, there are many areas where the two religious views could come into conflict with each other and cause long term tension to set in.

 

It's not always because religious people are being racist or bigots, and Personally, I think its smart to consider a person's religious influence before deciding to make a commitment to them.

 

 

To the OP:

 

If hes willing to go out with you then I wouldn't worry about his parents or family. It's his decision who he wants to date so let him deal with his family. Unless you'r planning to actually go live with hyis family then it shouldn't matter what they think if you two are willing to see each other.

 

My other advice is if you two have only known each other a week and your already discussing children and babies then I'd suggest taking things a bit slower here. You might go out with this guy for a few more months and then realize you really don't like him as much as you thought you did at first.

[PrettyGood]

Coverage, you're totally right about it. He also think that I'm too over idealising him, because I don't know about his negative temper features yet. So we're not a couple yet, but everything is just so perfect... It seems that he's the person who can understand me much more than anyone else and we're so happy to spend our time together. We can talk or do various things for hours and not to get bored. It's just amazing...

[Coverage]

Coverage, you're totally right about it. He also think that I'm too over idealising him, because I don't know about his negative temper features yet. So we're not a couple yet, but everything is just so perfect... It seems that he's the person who can understand me much more than anyone else and we're so happy to spend our time together. We can talk or do various things for hours and not to get bored. It's just amazing...

 

Nothing wrong with being happy and excited as long as you can keep things in perspective and always remember that he's as much of a flawed human as you or anyone else is. I hope it all works out for you.