Feel like dying...

[yy99]

Hi!

It hurts just to write this..

My gf went on a trip for 2 months, I supported her all the way because this is her last summer vacation before real work. We called very often in the beginning. One week she didn't call, her family called me and asked me if she is okay. I didn't know, and I have decided to check on her to see if she is okay. That's when I found out she was with another guy on the trip. I am not sure it's just a fling or what.. But I have confronted her. She was sorry, but she explained she wasn't happy with me because I have become more monotonous, less enthusiastic. She loves me but needs time to think things through. We have been going out for 4 years. I have been busy planning for the future, be a better person she will marry to. I could've been to busy thinking that I missed being more enthusiastic. Right now we are not together, and she is the one suggested it. She mentioned she is not ready to committ to anyone right now.

She still has two more weeks left on the vacation. Last time we talked is a week ago, it was casual and good. At the end, she said it was really nice to hear from me.

I want her still, regardless what she has done. She said she loves me, but she can't committ right now.

Do you think after she comes back from the trip, after I meet with her couple times, see how it feels, and I propose, is that a bad idea?

Do you think she still want this relationship to work? She on the trip still, could that be why she is not thinking too much about it right now?

I am thinking to fly to where she is right now for a week, we can hang out, get her to remember that I exist. Is that stupid?

Or should I do the NC? If you think NC is the best way, what are the steps to take to have her back?

 

Thank you for your advice! This will change my life forever.

[nomore]

Here's a life changing advice: Break up with her and go on with your life.

 

I mean come'n man! If she is cheating on you with this guy on her vacation, do you really think she is marriage worthy? As she said, she is not ready to commit to the relationship so obviously you proposing to her would only give you one answer: NO.

 

Don't make you life a living hell, let her go.

[yy99]

Thanks for the advice nomore! I guess I needed a slap in the face to wake up...

 

I miss her a lot! I hope for me wanting her back is a normal reaction.. I never had this long term relationship before, it's just so hard to give it up. Especially when I am ready.

 

I am just afraid I won't find someone I would love this much..

 

Should I still talk to her, but not too often? Help her on anything if she needs any? But meanwhile I will try to get on with my life and improve on it?

 

I am curious about myself is how come I miss her more than being pissed about the whole thing? I should be angry, but wanting her back is has more on my mind... Is that normal?

 

Should I give all her stuff back, including love letters she wrote to me, and just forget about her? It's stupid to ever want her back?

 

Thanks for listening!! You have no idea how much this means to me!

[CarterJonas]

Hi yy99,

 

I agree with what you now say and what nomore said before, you have got to break up with this girl; you cannot let her treat you this way.

 

If you do not live together and have no significant possessions (ie those either of you would want back) then you can start no contact once you have told her it is over.

 

Remember this; it is difficult when you break up at the start, but it does get easier. And you will find someone to love again, someone who you will love even more because she 'will be the one.'

 

good luck

[yy99]

Thanks CarterJonas!

 

I will move on and find someone else who will love me as much I love her. We don't have significant possessions between us, so I will keep whatever I have of her and I wouldn't want anything back. Keep it as good memory that I had in my life. I will not think of getting back with her, I will just treat her as a friend. If we end up together in the future, so be it. But at least I will know what I am looking for and know if she has changed.

 

What's the best way and place to meet people? It's been a while since I have gone out..

 

If you have any advice of how to get over her, please, lead me. I really want to get over this, get on with my life. I have started praying, never in my life but it gives me some sense in myself.

 

Thanks for all your support!!! It's incredible how people I don't know in life will help me this greatly through the tough times. I will give whatever support I can to anyone too.

 

Thanks again!

[nomore]

I don't think I was much of a help but I guess it helps to always look at the situation from different angles. I too sometimes put myself in scenario where my love one has gone behind my back and I have a strong urge to forgive her and work things out. There are other times when I think if I ever find her cheating on me, I'll go haywire.

 

It is good that you have your composure together and not letting this life changing event get the best of you. So ya, as you said, my suggestion is to only remember happy times and valuable moments you spent with her and move on. As of when or where you'll find your next love, I can't tell, not even you can predict when that day'll come. What I can say here is not to pressure youself to finding that significant others but rather just let the pieces fall into the place by themselves.

[yy99]

Thanks Nomore!

 

I just emailed her today saying how much I loved her and what our future could be if we are still together. In the end, I wished her the best, hopefully finding someone better than me. Of course, I said I would rather that person be me.

 

I hope it was a good idea to email her that. I will go NC soon and see how that goes. I will try not to pressure myself to find that significant others, but I am just afraid I will.. because it took me 5 years to find this one..

 

I am going out more, sometimes forcing myself. I hope I am not doing it for the wrong reason just to meet girls..

 

Do you think I am doing the right thing?

 

Thanks for all your advices!! I feel better just having read your support!