I've gotten through this before

[myheadvsheart]

and I'll do it again.

 

An ex contacted me periodically for up to 4 years after I dumped him. At first I groused on him and was angry and he just enjoyed recalling what I did to gratify him. He stopped contacting me finally. I have to remind myself that they do contact you again. Often when you've moved on for good. I know this. I know I've gotten past it before.

 

 

So even though I'm struggling right now and I hate the way my recent ex handled our situation, I know that I'll get past it eventually. I also know that he regrets losing me, even if he mistreated me. I know that he misses me, even though he's not prepared to do anything remedy the situation. I know it's an empty sentiment. I've accepted that we will not really happen. I am upset that I have to start all over again, with dating, being vulnerable, letting someone in my life and trying to trust them on the level I did with this ex. I hate him for putting me in this position. I know he misses me and I know he's sorry, but I cannot be intimate with someone and then flip a switch and be platonic and laugh at his flirtations. I'm angry that he does this, because it's meant to appease me and I don't need any pity because he feels guilty.

 

I've gotten over someone before and I will get over this. Starting to think I won't have a family and that I'm running out of time. It's a disappointing when you realize people cannot support you the way you need to. I know he misses me and I know it changes nothing.

[Di84]

I know exactly how you feel. My ex of 4 yrs and I broke up about 8 months ago. I still think of him every day and how he broke my heart by leaving the relationship. I struggled to move on but i told myself too, that Ive been through heartbreak before and that i would get through this. Im doing better now but I hate the uncertainty of the future and being alone all the time. It's hard to start over and learn to trust someone new, especially when the one you trusted the most turns their back on you.

I can relate.

But like you said, we've made it through the rain before... and we will again this time. The sun always shines again!

[myheadvsheart]

It's been a month since I first said "I need to disconnect to put things in perspective and move on. I hope you can understand." Two weeks later, he said he missed me and I reiterated that unless he's prepared to spend time with me for that to mean something, we're not having this conversation. If he believes what he says about me deserving better and wanting to be a friend, then let me go and wish me well, he didn't need to be in touch to do that."

 

I'm working on up to three weeks since that last contact. Most days I feel ok. Other days, I'm surprised he's not trying to manipulate me in to staying in touch or continuing the random I miss you messages. Fear sets in that he'll move on before me and he never meant a word of caring about me. I dismiss that as soon as I think about it, because in the bigger picture it does not matter; I'm not giving him an option to prove me wrong and he's not asking for an opportunity to prove me wrong.

 

I am sad this morning. I'll go to the gym or go on a hike. Not sure which just yet, but I will move on. I will get through this. I will let someone else in my life and will find love again.

[LaceWing]

myheartvshead, you sound just like me! I was saying the same thing to myself and in my journal a couple of weeks ago. The situation is slighty different, but the sentiment is the same. It's hard, when we are in the grips of anxiety, fear, hurt etc to really see the end of the tunnel, but the end is there baby! And you are right....you are telling yourself this now, but eventually you will feel the truth of those words and you will move on, and someone else will come along!

[myheadvsheart]

myheartvshead, you sound just like me! I was saying the same thing to myself and in my journal a couple of weeks ago. The situation is slighty different, but the sentiment is the same. It's hard, when we are in the grips of anxiety, fear, hurt etc to really see the end of the tunnel, but the end is there baby! And you are right....you are telling yourself this now, but eventually you will feel the truth of those words and you will move on, and someone else will come along!

 

Yeah I know the end is there...but you know that moment when you feel it's over, it's depressing even when you thinking logically and clearly that it's over. I've accepted it but it's tough to realize that as well. The empty sentiments after weeks of next to zero affection, just upset me - they don't confuse me any more. So I don't analyze his inconsistencies - that takes too much labor and effort. Telling him point blank what actions needed to be in place - make this much easier to accept it being over. Whenever I catch myself wondering if he misses me, hates me, gives a damn, etc... I just remind myself ... what's my outcome? That keeps me focused on what's ahead. To be honest, I'm not struggling with not contacting him at all. I deleted his pictures, deleted his numbers from phone and messenger, but I admit I do check my messenger to see if he contacted me. Soon I won't engage this behavior to check either. Yes he's still respecting my wishes. Unfortunately.

[myheadvsheart]

So today I'm feeling a little better. I took my dog to the dog park first thing this morning. Two other men showed up later with their dogs and I was just chit-chatting about our dogs. I made it a point to engage them in conversation, just to practice being social with the opposite sex. Nothing in a flirting way, but just making myself open to talk to. The humidity started to creep up and to get to me, so I decided it was time to leave. As I'm gathering my stuff, one guy in his boon hat looks at me and says "you're leaving us, huh?" "Yeah I have to get going, family party for the baby's baptism today."

 

No it's not a date. No, they weren't flirting with me. Yes, I still think of my ex off and on. Yet it was a distraction and they didn't think I was annoying while I talked to them. Practiced being open and I'll continue to do so every where I'm going. I want to project an approachable vibe to remember what it feels like when someone is interested in getting to know you better.