What is the best way to take space? Rules? No Rules?

[JohnnyTable]

My ex and I were together about 5 years. She broke up with me recently for various reasons. One factor is that a lot of bad things have happened recently including family deaths and a medical condition which is now under treatment.

 

I think that we went ahead with our breakup in a poor way. No real discussions (emotions always took over), didn't take any space, did not talk to any professionals. All of these should have been tried (in my opinion) for a couple that was together for so long and planned on getting married.

 

I believe that she may also be to the point in which she agrees with me, in that we should have done things better. We are going to talk about it in a couple of days.

 

So my question is, what is the best way to take space and distance so that we can clear our minds and make a good decision? What should we do during this time? Write things down to discuss later? Should we talk to each other about non-relationship stuff? Should we agree to talk at a specific future date?

 

Should we make rules, like saying that we won't go around sleeping with other people?

 

Or should we just say, "Lets spend the next 3 weeks apart and get together after that to see where we are." No rules, no implications. If one of the people starts to sleep around, that pretty much already makes up the decision.

 

Right now we aren't at each others throats and we can talk without losing our emotions, so I'm not convinced that NC is the right thing to do. Three weeks would be hard to do without any form of communication.

[JohnnyTable]

BTW I mention three weeks because I am going out of town for that long.

[the_Monk]

Excellent question. I am in the same boat. We never really discussed much. In my instance, i was controlling and possesive so its probably best that we had no rules at all, just be free. You'll know in your heart whats right and whats not. I did ask her if we could not sleep with others for the first month to be sure it was what we truly wanted, i honestly wish i hadn't. Due to our problems, she might have perceived it as me trying to control her and wanted to do it that much more...i suggest just letting eachother be free and do what your heart says...