At what point did you suddenly come too and the light?

[Timefornc]

I think it just happened. Well over last couple of days. Just like that, I feel free. I tried and tried for months and months and just woke up and thought, nope no more. Her loss and I will still have a amazing life.

 

Did it happen like this for you or was it a more prolonged thing?

[bungalo]

Glad it worked that way for you...I am still hopeful that my ex & I will reconcile..I've never held on like this...its an intuitive, powerful sense that I have

[nukemdukem]

i think when the ex stops showing her love, her affection, and when all your nice emails and msg's go either unanswered or only politely answered, then you realise... this person is not my partner anymore, they are someone else - you realise its over, and then they dont mean as much to you anymore, slowly but surely they become less important and less of a priority, then one day you just cant be bothered to try anymore, love is about mutual affection and feelings, its not one sided and will eventually wither and die.... maybe they will try to come back, but by then (for me) it will most probably be too late, the damage done and the memories of how she treated me and the things she said - the relationship will always be tainted - unless theres a complete break of years.

[elcie]

To Timefornc; That moment of realization is a wonderful thing! You can't move on until you let go, and that's what you seemed to have done.

 

You will have an amazing life!

[Timefornc]

i think when the ex stops showing her love, her affection, and when all your nice emails and msg's go either unanswered or only politely answered, then you realise... this person is not my partner anymore, they are someone else - you realise its over, and then they dont mean as much to you anymore, slowly but surely they become less important and less of a priority, then one day you just cant be bothered to try anymore, love is about mutual affection and feelings, its not one sided and will eventually wither and die.... maybe they will try to come back, but by then (for me) it will most probably be too late, the damage done and the memories of how she treated me and the things she said - the relationship will always be tainted - unless theres a complete break of years.

 

Spot on. That is exactly how I feel. I do still love her, but I dont miss her as much. She is not the same person. I would take her back as I still feel that it's worth a go, but I'm not chasing it and don't care which way it goes. And one day, she won't cross my mind.

[jonesyjakk]

for me, i rode out the pain, just took it on the chin over the last 5 months, then i was on the verge of feeling better, and i got the i wanna talk msg, then actually i change my mind...that sincerely set me back as anyone who has read my journal will know.

 

however...after 2 weeks of nothing about the i wanna talk.....i finally thought...what on earth am i worrying about? and its like i spent 5 months wondering around like a sheep, and then suddeny i woke up, and the more i keep waking up the better i feel...just enlightened i guess.

 

its like someone just squeejeed my eyes of her crap!!!! amazing.

 

 

jonesy

[Timefornc]

That's just in jonesy, u think my god what have I been thinking about all this time. I am my master, not her. I am sure she is not trying to hurt me but just getting on with her life. And now i will do the same

[wilkerwhip]

I think today was my day. I still miss her and she does consume a lot of my thoughts throughout the day but that weight I could feel, the heavyness in my heart from the time I woke up till now is a lot lighter. I know she's gone and is not thinking about me and I now truly believe that. I think you see the light when you can finally tell that your not just riding a good wave. That the feeling is now not going to get any worse. Its better and its going to continue to get better.

[lonely gir6]

It's been 4 months since the BU with my ex of 3 yrs. About a month ago I felt like I had an epiphany and just dreamt about letting the whole situation and my ex go. I was trying too hard to control things and to get my ex back, but I realized there's nothing that I can do to make that happen. So from then on, I've been trying to move on and focus on myself. Since the break up, I found a new job (my first day tomorrow!) and also moved apartments. I've been trying to keep myself busy traveling, hanging out with friends, etc, and for the most past it keeps my mind preoccupied. But I feel like I'm just going through the motions of life, without really enjoying things as much as I should. Some days I feel like I'm a new person, but then some days (like today) I just can't stop thinking about him and crying. I get frustrated at myself for getting so upset and for not being stronger than this. I just wish for the day that I no longer cry and can finally feel like myself again....

[ChellyV]

for me, i rode out the pain, just took it on the chin over the last 5 months, then i was on the verge of feeling better, and i got the i wanna talk msg, then actually i change my mind...that sincerely set me back as anyone who has read my journal will know.

 

however...after 2 weeks of nothing about the i wanna talk.....i finally thought...what on earth am i worrying about? and its like i spent 5 months wondering around like a sheep, and then suddeny i woke up, and the more i keep waking up the better i feel...just enlightened i guess.

 

its like someone just squeejeed my eyes of her crap!!!! amazing.

 

 

jonesy

 

wow !!!! a milestone !!!! yohoo for jonesy

[LCA1986]

Hey,

 

I cant really say for my current relationship because I am still working on it. But like joensyjakk said, mornings are getting better and better. I remember a month ago, I dreaded waking up because everytime I woke up it was a realization that my break up was not a bad dream. But now, I wake up... and I dont feel too terribly as I did before, I start planning for my day. I still think about her and miss her terribly though.

 

For the break up before this one, to my first love... I can't really pinpoint the time when I finally moved on. All I know is that I felt empty for the longest, but I still kept going on. And one day I woke up and I realized that the emptiness was not there anymore.

[mad rabbits]

I am just sick to death of thinking about him, sick of him having any of my attention whatsoever, he doesn't deserve a shred of it. I think these feelings are part of the realisation... I am done with him once and for all and I'm not vulnerable to his manipulations anymore because I see through it and I know its just a repeat of the same old pattern and nothing will ever change.

 

Yesterday I wanted him to come back to at least offer an apology or extend a sincere offer of friendship... today I'm pretty sure I never want to hear from him again. No matter what putrid lies he's got to feed me this time around.

[ladyninja30]

I for one am sick of feeling hurt and angry even though I have every right to do so. I'm very resentful of the fact that she is living the life I had with him and she isn't even nice or attractive for that matter. You'd think I'd feel better about being left for the lesser woman because now he looks stupid, but I don't it's still a total bust on my self esteem. One of my guy friends was mentioning how he notices all the pretty girls seem to try to hard now a days, and my thought was yeah because now we're feeling threatened by trailer ho's...what the heck?!

[italiannmf24]

I think it just happened. Well over last couple of days. Just like that, I feel free. I tried and tried for months and months and just woke up and thought, nope no more. Her loss and I will still have a amazing life.

Did it happen like this for you or was it a more prolonged thing?

 

This would be great if that happened to me. I want to wake up one day and just know that I DO NOT NEED HER. It'd be a great and fulfilling feeling, honestly.

[LCA1986]

I am just sick to death of thinking about him, sick of him having any of my attention whatsoever, he doesn't deserve a shred of it. I think these feelings are part of the realisation... I am done with him once and for all and I'm not vulnerable to his manipulations anymore because I see through it and I know its just a repeat of the same old pattern and nothing will ever change.

 

Yesterday I wanted him to come back to at least offer an apology or extend a sincere offer of friendship... today I'm pretty sure I never want to hear from him again. No matter what putrid lies he's got to feed me this time around.

 

I know where you are coming from. It drains you emotionally to be caring and thinking about our ex's so much. Just keep going and one day, you will be sitting at work or at home and realize that your ex was not the first thing in your mind when you first woke up. And you will just think of the ex less and less as each day passes until one day you will wake up and realize that you havent thought about your ex for days! Patience and time is fundamental in getting over a break up. Just keep your head up and keep going!

[Mustachio]

After over a year and a half since my breakup I cant tell you that I have had numerous moments like this.

 

They are both a good and a bad thing. On the one hand its great waking up and realizing that you dont need that person, that you are actually better off, and that there is so much to look forward to. On the other hand, its a step in the healing process, its not a linear process, and if or when you cycle back to being sad, the epiphany you had earlier makes it harder.

 

The truth is, that there really is no one moment that you wake up and are suddenly healed. There are many small moments like you mentioned, but they are all just steps on the road to healing.

 

If anything, these epiphanies actually arent sudden at all, its only after you spend time healing that you look back and realize how far you have come, its these realizations that feel sudden. You get used to the pain, so when you finally sit up and realize that the pain has been fading, it all of a sudden feels as if that weight has been lifted.

 

And for those of you that are still relatively recently out of your relationships and have had these epiphanies... if it cycles back to pain and hurt, remember them, and push forward.

[Timefornc]

Hmmm... Well I woke today and I do still feel good, but my mind is still on her. Am hoping as the day progresses I get back to the place I was in last night.

 

It's definitely better though

[Timefornc]

Hmmm... Well I woke today and I do still feel good, but my mind is still on her. Am hoping as the day progresses I get back to the place I was in last night.

 

It's definitely better though

[jonesyjakk]

its a long road mate, full of ups and downs, time, it takes patience, but you are on the right track, its ok to think about her, its ok to feel that, it just means you cared man. you sound like youre getting better every day.

 

 

jonesy

[Timefornc]

its a long road mate, full of ups and downs, time, it takes patience, but you are on the right track, its ok to think about her, its ok to feel that, it just means you cared man. you sound like youre getting better every day.

 

 

jonesy

 

I hope so. I don't have that overwhelming urge this morning. She has had her chances, if she wants me she knows where I am

[Dryyoureyes]

The point where it starts to be less painful is acceptance. Acceptance that there is a future without the ex and that life isn´t bad at all without her. It´s all about let go the anger, frustration anxiety, fear of loss, low self esteem...which can be cured by focus on your own life. Do some sports, get good at it. See your progress and plan the future on your own. See things work and be proud of yourself really helps me. Don´t live in the past but in the moment and plan your future actively.

From an unromantic view on partners&love....how many people are there on this planet?7billion around? 3,5 billion of the other sex. Maybe you are not really attracted to all of those so cut it down to 50 million. So you met like what...2.000 people in your life that you are somewhat attracted too and think that he/she is the one? So if this ex was "the one" out of 2.000 people you met in life. How many of those "the ones" are still out there waiting for you to find them in those 50 million? It´s 25.000 actually, so accept the fact that your ex wasn´t really the one that is happy with you, your soulmate. Go out, enjoy life, plan your future....get to know people and another one of those 25.000 waiting for you to get to know them. I know it´s very unromantic to see it from this point and the numbers are hardly correct anyways but still, it just means you gotta move on and not cling to the past.

[Timefornc]

Some great stats dryoureyes, I guess that's just it. You never know what's out there until u open your eyes again.

[Dryyoureyes]

thanks Timefornc. I think this forum helps in the beginning to realize whats important and to maintain NC for quicker healing. I think after a while, when you know how to do it, people should stop using it though and should only come here if they are running through a critical time (birthday of ex, ex contact, etc). It just constantly reminds yourself about your loss and how you are struggling. Thats the opposite of whats intended with NC. Reminding yourself of the hurt is not really useful. How to deal with it, how to improve your life after a BU definetely is. You can sum it up with "let go, accept the fact, leave it in the past and don´t let it affect your life, improve your quality of life and move on"

[Success]

I hope to reach that point soon, though I am slowly getting better with each passing day. I just wish I could fast forward to a year down the road. Thinking about the ex drains me of so much energy, I am tired a heck of a lot more and can stay in bed all day it seems.

 

It's like a plant, if you stop watering the plant it will slowly wither and die to the point where it becomes completely dried up and dead. Then one day you realize it's dead so you pick it up and throw it into the trash.

[Timefornc]

thanks Timefornc. I think this forum helps in the beginning to realize whats important and to maintain NC for quicker healing. I think after a while, when you know how to do it, people should stop using it though and should only come here if they are running through a critical time (birthday of ex, ex contact, etc). It just constantly reminds yourself about your loss and how you are struggling. Thats the opposite of whats intended with NC. Reminding yourself of the hurt is not really useful. How to deal with it, how to improve your life after a BU definetely is. You can sum it up with "let go, accept the fact, leave it in the past and don´t let it affect your life, improve your quality of life and move on"

 

Yeah I think your right. I really respect the people who stay here and help others for years. They have seen it all. I personally, when I have no mOre thoughts or questions to lay down I will need to get away from this, at least for a while